Monday, December 29, 2008

From Left to Right

First, let's make fun of the right...



And NOW we'll make fun of the left...



Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Schnazzy!


First of all, the only good thing about losing a fantasy football game by 0.81 points is winning the next week by 1.39. Geez - my own fantasy team is giving me a heat attack! At least none of my players were suspended for doping, or shot themselves in the leg with a concealed weapon!


Like a bag of cats on the way to the river, Axl Rose has FINALLY screeched out Chinese Democracy. Only 14 years have passed since GnR started working on this, um, masterpiece... Was it worth the wait? Sorta! Here are the things I like - there are some rockin' tunes on here, the album doesn't sound dated whatsoever, and it puts Buckethead (arguably the greatest "underground" guitarist in the world) into the mainstream. Unfortunately, Axl thinks he can sing, and uses that awful voice of his as an instrument at times, trying to acapella intros and such - painful! Bottom line: it's worth the dough, but wasn't worth the wait. Also, 14 years and you've got a black and white picture of an old bicycle with a basket on the back? Could have been SO much better!


Additionally, Axl might sue Dr. Pepper. The soda manufacturer offered everyone in America a free paap if Chinese Democracy actually hit the streets in 2008. The overwhelming response to the coupon posted on the Dr. Pepper website crashed the site, and people blamed Axl. In other news, Americans are idiots!


On that note, I have a feeling that Obama is in a no-win situation. He's inherited a country that is crashing quickly, and if he can't turn crap into ice cream, the mouths of O'Reilly and Limbaugh will filet him. Not like the same thing wouldn't have happened to McCain - both would have been faced with an impossible task and an impatient country.


Patience is a virtue, unless it's Black Friday. In a story that make me absolutely sick, Long Islanders stampeded a Wal-Mart employee TO DEATH at 5AM just so they could get to the bargains fist. Where in God's world do people think they should behave like this?


15 seconds of hell for WHOM exactly? A deer hunter in MO shot and THOUGHT he killed a deer. Then when he approached the animal, it jumped up and started kicking the dude's ASS! Unfortunately, the hunter got the thing off him, and it died a few yards later after the hunter shot it 2 more times.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I’m Blogging Again!




What? Why? Well, we’ve turned into THAT couple. The couple that, after their adorable son goes to bed, we sit on the couch next to each other and watch whatever we have on the DVR while we screw around on Facebook. I figured; why not take 20-30 minutes of that time to start spewing drivel again? Besides, every now and then I visit this blog to find some old article I wrote and I realize I used to be kind of funny! So, let’s get the creative juices flowing!







BTW, MS Word lists the word poppycock as a synonym for drivel. Heh! OK, so I’m feeling a little middle-school today.



Also, I think I’m going to start wearing a 10-gallon, shiny top hat like T-Pain. It will look GREAT with my new Carhartt bib overalls!



I’ve noticed something about the NFL this year: even with video replay, the officiating has been atrocious this season! My boys, the Broncos, have been involved in 2 plays, in either direction, that were just awful calls. Last week, the last-minute touchdown by the Steelers should have counted. Today, for some reason the 49ers v. Cowboys is the game in my area, and the refs missed a blatant pass interference call and blew-dead a fumble return for a touchdown without reviewing. Ugh – frustrating. Especially if you gamble, which I don’t. Heck, I didn’t even do a pick ‘em this year, but I will next year – I miss it!



I miss Omaha! A man called the butt bandit was recently for leaving greasy graphic imprints of his booty all over town. There wasn’t a safe window in the city! The man was apprehended after Omaha finally went nuts and purchased butt print identification software.




I’m not familiar with Pandas, but I’m not stoopid! This guy in China, well, is. He climbed into a Panda pen to cuddle with the cute little bear and then quickly got his @$$ kicked! See, Pandas are some mean MF’s!




Finally, since I’m obviously addicted to Facebook, here’s my favorite current status update: “BT cannot believe I'm allowing the kids to subject me to "Beverly Hills Chihuahua. . . . Uuuggghhh!”


Uuuggghhh indeed!!!

Saturday, November 08, 2008

I Remember This Thing!

Whoa! I have a BLOG! Kinda forgot, what with Facebook and all. Yep, I turned into a Facebook tool! Saw a BLOG subscriber and they were asking me to post pictures of Luc here, but my pictures are all on Facebook! So, here are the links to all the most recent albums. They should be viewable by anyone, but if not, then send me a Facebook friend request and we're good to go:




Also, it's been a while for this too, but here's a little stand-up from Freak Train in August (I know!). Now, before you go watching it in front of kids or co-workers, I, um, wouldn't. Just a hint - it has to do with body hair. Yeah. Note the gorgeous shirt from Mad Gringo! Enjoy:



And now - SPORTS!

Broncos: I predicted 7-9 and stuck with it even when they started "hot". That's in parenthesis because they never should have won the San Diego game - total gift! The defense kinda stinks, and they can't hang onto the ball on offense. Speaking of, do you think Brandon Marshall was dropping passes on Thursday because he was too busy thinking about what he was going to do after he scored? Apparently he had some political statement he wanted to make, even though the 15-yard penalty in a must-win game that was very close in the last 2:00 could have done in the team. What a maroon! Thank goodness for Brandon Stokely for stopping the celebration before it could begin. Remember Rod Smith and his complete lack of BS antics? I miss that! Although it seems Eddie Royal (total stud - Offensive Rookie of the Year) has his head on straight and never pulls that crap.

Nuggets: The return of Billips is a good thing, especially when we lose a ball-hog thug like Iverson in the exchange. I got no problem with that. And I find it funny that Antonio McDyess was crying YET AGAIN over the trade to the Nuggets. Didn't we have to beg him to play last time he came here? What a baby! Well, the Nugs bought out his contract so little Miss Hurt Feelings can go elsewhere. Good! The Nugs may re-sign Juwan Howard to take his place. Yes, I said re-sign - like the guy was actually on the team before the trade. Did anyone know this? Oh, and is it just me or does Kenyon Martin look like his grandmother just kissed him on his neck? I can't find a picture, but he has a big red circular tattoo on his neck that looks like lipstick. I'd complain about him and his thug-like appearance and antics, but off the court he's actually donating money and time to a foundation for kids with no father figure. If you know what I mean!

Avs: The critics were right - gonna be a tough year!

Ciao for now!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Dora!

OK, so we watch a little bit of kids' TV now.  And we HATE Dora and the way she yells at you, so we avoid it as much as possible.   But I keep thinking of this whenever there is a commercial for it:



Enjoy!


Thursday, September 25, 2008

Do Your Part

I'm not political - I stay away as much as possible.  However, while I was scrolling through some comments by people on AOL about some random political articles, well, it scared the crap out of me.

Americans are effing stupid.

Really!

Look, there's an election coming up here and there is a TON of misinformation on both candidates.  The Internet is an evil tool where any complete moron can post whatever they want.  Shut up!  But I feel like I needed to post this because, well, I am very middle-of-the-road and felt like speaking out.

I want to say this: don't let anyone influence your opinion!  Both candidates have their OWN website where you can read what their beliefs and ideas are on how they want to run this country.  Do your research.  Don't listen to the radicals on the radio, and don't read some buffoon's 1-sided opinion.  The only people who get attention in the media are the extremists, and they don't represent 99% of the population.  So why do they get the press?

Just do me a favor and make up your own mind.  Watch the speeches from the conventions, watch the debates, and go out and vote for who YOU agree with the most.  I know we all have a short attention span these days, but tough crap - pay attention, read and do some homework!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Politically Correct - Historically, um, NOT!

Suddenly, Ernie Davis is famous again.  Remember him?  Not many people do, because he's, well, dead and stuff.  However, he was famous for being the first black man to win the Heisman Trophy.  I hate having to say "first black man to..." because it draws lines, but it did happen in 1959 so I won't argue that it was significant.

Ernie died just 4 years later of leukemia before he played a down for the Browns, and has recently been memorialized twice!  A film about Ernie called The Express is coming out in October, and a statue was unveiled at Syracuse University last week.  Great news about the film - I'm sure it will be very inspirational for many people of all races.  Now the statue - that's another story.

Don't get me wrong - it's great that one was created in his honor.  But have you seen it?  Let's take a look at 2 pictures:

Yep - I'm starting at the foot.  Look closely - that's a Nike cleat!  Nike did not exist until 1972!

The cleat seems to be the big issue among bloggers, Sports Illustrated, ESPN...  They are missing one other thing - picture #2:

Are you looking at the helmet?  Does it look like it's from the late 50's to you?  Ernie Davis wore a simple, 2-bar mask.  That facemask didn't come out until at least the 80's, maybe later!

How much did this artist get paid to create this statue?  What's next - Hitler wearing Emo skinny jeans?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008

I'm Sorry

Yes, I'm apologizing in advance for this video my nephew sent me,  If you aren't laughing inside a minute, well you might have issues:



Enjoy!


Sunday, September 14, 2008

A Little Disappointed...


You know me - I love SNL. Really, watch it every week, tell my friends and co-workers about it, record it, save it to show other people who never come to my house, are you getting this???




So this/last weekend was the season premier, and I couldn't wait to see what these great writers came up with over the summer, because the talent and writing has been getting better recently. I know it immediately went down after Tina Fey left, but they were picking things up and getting 2-4 decent sketches each week. OK, mostly I have a huge thing for Kristen Wiig as she is the most talented person to star (yes, star) on that show in years. And they started the show out with a BANG!




Anyone who has seen a newspaper or turned on a TV in the last month knows who Sarah Palin is, and her stunning resemblance to Tina Fey. Naturally, Lorne Michaels brought back Fey as Palin and teamed her up with Amy Poehler as Hilary for a laugh-out-loud intro to the season. And it was pretty much downhill from there.




The host was Olympic champion Micheal Phelps, which means horrendous overacting and painful skits. Athletes should not host this show - period. Sure, every now and then you get one who can actually be a little funny and not so uncomfortable, but that is VERY rare. Phelps did not fall in to that category. Can't they use an ACTOR as the host and maybe give Phelps a cameo instead of cameos by William Shatner and Fey? That's backasswards to me.




After getting past the awkward monologue, SNL threw a few lame and recycled skits at us, which kind of pissed me off. The entire summer and we're rehashing the coach dancing to Herb Alpert? Literally an identical skit to when Peyton Manning was on the show. And I loved the original skit with the awkward twins, but trying to bring it back with Phelps as Wiig's cousin was, well, pathetic.




Andy Samberg gave us a painful digital short that was effect heavy, but short on comedy. Lil' Wayne made an ass out of himself with his pants literally falling off his ass, and Jared Vogel (Subway) added pretty much nothing to a skit ripping on how many calories Phelps consumes.




I was left feeling a little ripped off for waiting for this show all summer. Note to Michaels: actors and MUSICIANS would be nice. Forget the atheletes, forget the rap and lip-synching teen crap, and let's put a show together. Have some hot young actor like Michael Cera host the season premier, since he's got a new movie just weeks away. Reward some of the college radio bands that are on the verge, like you did once last season with Vampire Weekend. I'm still trying to forgive you for allowing Ashley Simpson on the show twice in one season. WTF was that? Oh, and how about some, ya know, original skits and recurring characters that actually SHOULD be brought back, not ones that only work with a specific host. How about 2 a-holes take swimming lessons skit when Phelps is your host? The only character that they brought back that I did like was political comedian Nicholas Fehn, played by Fred Armisen - I could watch that schtick all freakin' day!




I'll keep watching, because I'm hooked on Armisen and Wiig. But this show needs to get sharper very quickly - that was not a premier worth the hype.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Meanwhile, at the Mall...

I'm not really a mall guy. I mean, I don't mind shopping and all, but crowds of people bug me. Seriously. But we were on a mission Sunday to find my wifey some boots, so we braved the crowd at Park Meadows and OH MY GOD the sights we saw!

Kids: Emo kids with ironed hair and skinny red jeans. Um, I don't get it. These kids are going to look back at pictures from now like I do when I see me in OP shorts with my boxers hanging out and tube socks pulled up all the way. Then there were powder jackets... I also saw a bigger kid dressed all street/ghetto. Big dumb white kid with his sideways cap, oversized shirts, jeans hanging down under his butt, walking with a limp as if his hand can barely keep his junk in line. Highlands Ranch kids are SO ghetto! Let me just say, if your mommy bought you a $42K Saab for your 16th birthday, you're hardly gangsta. Learn how to wear a hat and try to walk upright.

Brush with the law: We were checking out the new Borders store when my lovely wife accidentally bumped into an older black man. She quickly apologized, and he responded with, "do it again and it will cost you $500." Half laughing, because she honestly thought he was kidding, she informed the man he was barking up the wrong tree. He responded with, "whatever, rich white lady." Now, I'll admit, she was wearing her best Target bought clothes and all, but SERIOUSLY! Also, I fully understand that there are no boots at Borders, but there are Dr. Seuss books!

WTF are you wearing: Just because we're not swimming in money doesn't mean the dude in Borders was far off Target (pun intended!) with many people at the mall. Park Meadows mall is one of the best places to people watch, well, EVER because of the insanely rich idiots walking through. There was one woman in her 50's with a denim skirt so short you could tell what religion she is - really. It's not like she had knockout legs or anything, but this thing barely covered her whoo-whoo! Was she TRYING to scare children? Then there was another woman about the same age with big ol' fakies in a halter top, white Capri cargo pants with a sequin thong blatantly sticking out of the back - literally made me burst out laughing! I wonder if her $15K boobs could somehow make a difference elsewhere, like buying books for inner-city kids who don't have anything to read, or making a donation to the Food Bank of the Rockies where $1 buys 4 meals. Do the math - that's 60,000 meals for people on the streets who are down on their luck. But that's OK, as long as this woman has her self esteem...

Unfortunately, mission not accomplished, but entertainment values were very high!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

All Valley Freaky

The latest video from Freak Train:





Thanks Dejo!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Fffrreeeeaaaakkkkk!!!



Yep, here we go again!


FREAK TRAIN is Monday, 7/28 at the Bug Theatre on 37th and Navajo. Puppets? YES!


Doors open at 7, show starts at 8, $5 gets you in and the beer is FREE! Because you'll need it!


More info:






See you there?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My Friends Know Me - WELL!

Billy, Mark and Teresa have been telling me that I "HAVE to watch Flight of the Conchords! It is right up your alley - totally your sense of humor!"

Um, they pegged me! I LOVE IT! I've only watched the first disc from season one about the New Zealand musical duo trying to make it in New York, and I'm hooked. They have such a great knack for breaking into ridiculous songs and brilliant videos. Here are my favorites so far:

…Steve…


BINARY SOLO!


BOOM!


I have great friends!!!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Burried Treasure Indeed!

It's flashback time - pun intended.

Remember the J. Geils Band? LOVED these guys and I still listen to Freeze Frame all the time (my baseball batter-up intro song is on there: "Insane, Insane Again"). Anyway, you may be wondering what happened to these guys after that very successful album. Well, lead singer Peter Wolf took a hike. The band went on to record one more album of new material, You're Gettin' Even While I'm Gettin' Odd, after Wolf left. He was not replaced, and keyboardist Seth Justman took over most of the vocal duties. The album produced only one single — "Concealed Weapons", which I again absolutely loved. In fact, I searched for this single for years and years and then finally found it on, um, Napster. Shhh! Anyway, the recording was full of vinyl pops, but it's still on my iPod because it's great! Don't believe me? Check out the cheesy video below! Even without Wolf, this song still sounds like it could be right off Freeze Frame!

Enjoy:





YAY!!! If anyone knows where I can find You're Getting Even, let me know! And NO I'm not paying $600 for the used import CD on Amazon!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I Just LOVE Them

A few years ago you heard/read me drone on about how awesome the Grates are...and now their new single:





LOVE THEM!!!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Hey, Ahnuld! Hold on to Yer Chapeaux!


So, the California Supreme Court has overturned their ban on gay marriage. To that I say - GOOD IDEA!


What, on an ethical level??? Well, that's for the right- and left-wing wacko's to fight out.


But on an ECONOMIC level, this is a grand slam dunk touchdown GOOOOAAALLLLL!!!!


Think about this for a second - (nod to Tina Fey) - gay people will have the most extravagant weddings EVER! Imagine the hoopla, flowers, outfits, cakes, decor, gifts... Must I go on?


Hundreds, er, THOUSANDS of gay people will flock to California to get hitched. Bed, Bath & Beyond will post banner numbers. Florist will be able to retire. Tux rentals will be sold out months in advance. Bakers will be getting carpal tunnel. Wedding planners will be millionaires.


So, states that need an economic boost - take note! You may have missed the window for the stimulus checks, but opportunities are still available! Jump on the bandwagon and get rich quick!


Monday, May 19, 2008

New Puppet Video!

From last month's Freak Train... Thanks SO much to the lovely and talented Dejo for recording and dubbing in the music, since the volume was WAY low at the show. Also a VERY BIG thanks to Heidi and Erika for assisting - they were BRILLIANT!!!

Enjoy:



WOOHOO!!!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

All NEW PAFC Mugs!!!


Check out the design for my new mugs and stein! Click on the picture above for a full-size view. Click one of the links below to purchase:

PAFC Mug $12.99
Stein $17.99

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Awwwwww FREAK OUT!

That's right - it's time for Freak Train! And I will not only be doing another puppet thing, but I even have a few people helping me!

Don't miss it!

Monday, 4.28.08 at the Bug Theatre on 37th and Navajo in Denver. Doors open at 7, show starts at 8, $5 gets you in and the beer is FREE! For more info and directions, visit www.bugtheatre.org

See you there!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Is It Me?

Or is Miss USA 2008 not of this earth?






































Maybe she's just related to someone familiar...

















Whatever the case, all signs point to CREEPY!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Hey There!

Yeah - been a while, I know. Anyway, um, how ya been? Good, good - me too! Yeah, busy and all...

So, I thought I'd do the obvious - add some pictures of Luc at Easter and stuff. You know the drill - click 'em and they get bigger...


Smiley baby!





Chillin' with my Nana in the Easter outfit my Nanny bought for me!


Mom and Dad lovin' the Monkin. Hey! How cool is my shirt? DAMN cool!


Gettin' around.


Wee - FEET!


Muggin' for the camera, as usual.


Mugging the camera!


Always trying to get the poor puppy's bone.



Yes? May I help you? Oh, that guy in the back is Bongo - he's my horsey.


Comin' atcha!



I got you, Momma!
Hey, if you got this far, you get a REWARD!











Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Previously, At Freak Train

So you missed Freak Train, eh? No worries - the lovely and talented Dejo filmed my stand-up act based on an experience at Wal-Mart. Enjoy:

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Still Standing!

It's Freak Train time again! No puppets this month, but I just might do that Wal-Mart routine... The show is Monday, 2/25 at the Bug Theatre. Doors at 7, show starts at 8, $5 cover and FREE BEER! Hope to see ou there!

Oh, and here's that adorable child of mine! Click the pictures and they get bigger, like Obama's lead over the dirty ho-bag Hillary! Ya know, if you have a Face Book account and send me a friend request, you can see ALL of my pics! Plus, you can take my Name That Muppet quiz! Just do it!!!








Sunday, February 10, 2008

Post #501! That's Right!

Can you believe that silly Sarah Silverman video I posted last week was my 500th post? Let's celebrate! Or, let's just add another post!

It's been a busy few weeks - 2 conferences and travel have kinda worn me out, and I missed my family quite a bit! But I think I can finally get back to reality now - heh.

Speaking of reality, thank GOD Lost is back to save us from the horrendous reality TV that has taken over since the writers strike. First, Lost is so effed up on a regular basis that I simply love it. Every week I turn to Katy and say, "WTF is going on?" After they killed off the spider bite idiots a ways back, the show has gone back to brilliant - this season included! YAY! Too bad it's going to be a shortened season, or is it???

In other news, step one is admitting I have a problem - and I do. I am addicted to The Soup on E! However, watching it kind of scares me. Mostly because I think the media won't be happy until they literally kill Britney Spears. They've already driven her insane, but they won't back off - they just keep harassing her. I'm not about to post a gay video begging for them to leave her alone, but come on already! It has gone from mildly entertaining to absolutely pathetic. It scares me that people actually watch TMZ and visit their web site. This coming from someone who watches Maury on a regulr basis! More things that scare me?

The return of American Gladiators and Knight Rider, Hilary Clinton, any show or movie that puts children in bad situations, Amy Winehouse, unscripted late night TV talk show hosts (wow!), young girls might watch Juno and think it's a good idea to get pregnant and give up their child for adoption just to be seen as a herione, Paris Hilton thought it was actually an honor to recieve Harvard Lampoon's Woman of the Year award, death and destruction are the only things that qualify as "news" anymore, we have obviously not learned our lesson because we are going to Wal-Mart again on a Sunday, on that note - people with mullets, pepperoni pizza from Black Jack, and I may never get real money from the woman who dinged up my car but agreed to actually pay for it.

Until next time...

Saturday, February 02, 2008

OK, This is Brilliant

Not exactly something you want blaring through the speakers at work, but...



Yeah!!

Friday, February 01, 2008

A Little Editing...

Hey!

So, I edited a few things on this site today. I have fixed the links to other blogs so they are separated better, and I added all of my recorded performances.

Check 'em out!

Monday, January 21, 2008

28 Days Later...

I know - Christmas was, like, 4 weeks ago. But I finally got around to loading the pictures off of our camera, so...

You know the drill - click 'em and they grow like the point spread for the Super Bowl...


It's our first traditional Christmas waffle breakfast!



I wanna open presents, Momma!



Cici got some tockies! Or, um, Alysse got socks, so...



Ooo - Tums!



A new toy for the Monkin!



Uwe wants to open presents too!



I WANT IN!



Slippers! Not stinky yet, but soon!



Luc gets an ornament with his name on it! This was an unbelievably thoughtful gift from my co-worker, Meredith in our Florida office! Thank you SO much!!!




Read to me, Cici!



YAY! Now I can listen to my iPod in the car!



Katy gets enough stink-pretty stuff to last a very long time!



What did I get, Cici?



New PJ's!



YAY for Sudoku!



Katy gets a phone we already have with a bunch of eyes drawn on the box...



Inside the box is a class to learn how to use an iPhone, something she wants for her birthday...



Wait - IT'S AN IPHONE!!! Someone must have been a good girl this year!



Our first Christmas with Luc.



I'm worn out! Need to nap with my Penguino before we go to Nana's.



YAY for Nana's!



Nana looks on as Uncle John checks out his new boots.





Luc gets a bean bag chair with his name on it!



Our little gift!



Back home! I can look at this picture for hours!



Look how fast I can bang on my new boom box!



Time for night-night in my new PJ's.



I know I posted horsey pics already, but come on!

The rest of these are from our second Christmas celebration at Nanny's (my mom, as Nana is Katy's mom - the kid will be confused) from the first of the year...



Claire and Danny and their elephant gift cards!



The two most beautiful babies ever!



Arie gets a, um, stick?



You gotta know when to hold 'em - KNOW WHEN TO FOLLLDDD 'EM!



Arie tests his dad's beard.



I'm gonna pay for posting this pic - I kind of snuck up on my dad here.
Don't worry, I'll make an ass of myself soon enough...



Arie gets a hand-knitted lid from his Aunt Cynthia!



Just so cute!




Danny loves this new piece of fabric!




Alysse attempts to break into her gag-gift from Uncle Tony.




IT'S... One of those!




See? I told you I'd make an ass out of myself!
Somehow Katy isn't running away screaming!



YAY! We're not afraid of Uncle Rich anymore!




My brother Tony in disbelief over my gift to him - a full sheet
of Wacky Pack stickers from 1979!



Cynthia's gag-gift to us - a Santa and Mrs. Claus tree with our faces attached.



The girls: Michele, Katy, Rachel, Claire and Cynthia.

Thanks for looking - see you again soon!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!