Tuesday, November 27, 2007

11

That's my favorite number. I don't know why really. I mean, I never had it as a number playing sports when I was growing up, and never really "used" it until recently. I guess I think I'm funny when people say, "I have a question for you..." and my answer is immediately, "11" before they actually ask the question. It makes no sense, and I'm a nerd - whatever.

However, today the number 11 means something. In fact, 11 years ago today - 11/28/96 - I had a date. A first date, actually.

It was Thanksgiving day and I had dinner at my sister's house. After dinner, I went to pick up a girl I knew a long time ago. We ran into each other at an Avs game and exchanged phone numbers. After hitting it off on the phone, we decided to go to a movie on Thanksgiving after dinner. So, after my pumpkin pie, I headed to pick her up and take her on our first date.


When I arrived at her mom's house, I was greeted by an adorable 7-year-old girl who asked me, "Are you Patrick or Jell-o?" You see, my last name is pronounced an-jell-o, so her cute little joke was a play on Patrick AND Jell-o. She worked on that joke all day. I was then introduced to my date's "brother and sister" who were Kenyans and black as coal. I was a little thrown, but stood my ground when asked by the man for the number of cows I had to offer for my date. If I was thinking, I would have answered 11! I think I said 3, but that was before I really knew who I was dating.

We went to see Sleepers with Kevin Bacon. Not exactly a great movie for a date, but we had a good time. That theater is now a Marshall's. My date told me how she invented the game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" a long time ago, but actually called it Nicholas Cage. I did the popcorn trick. Um, no - the OTHER popcorn trick. I hold a piece of popcorn just under one nostril, inhale through my nose and let go. It stays put until I stop inhaling, then I stick out my tongue, catch and consume. I know, what a catch I am!

When I brought my date back to her mom's house, we kissed on the driveway. OK, she essentially molested me on her mom's driveway. Anyway, we saw each other the next night.

And the next.

And the next.

And the next.

Soon I was driving downtown every night, staying at her apartment until 2-3 AM, then heading home to get to work at 7 AM. Sleep? Who needs that when you are in love?

We moved in together in February, were engaged by June, and married the following May.

So today, on our 11-year anniversary of our first date, I have something to say:

Katy, I love you more than anything ever. Words cannot express how lucky I feel to have found such a wonderful person to spend the rest of my life with. Thank you for all of the fun we have and for just being everything I always wanted in a soulmate.

I love you more than soup!

Patrick

Sunday, November 25, 2007

I am NOT a Freak!

Although I want to be...

Anyway, I STILL can't get my $^!+ together for Freak Train on Monday, 11/26.

I know, I know, I KNOW!

Anyway, the 4-puppet act will just have to wait until January...

Sunday, November 18, 2007

From Afar - No, Further!

I was on AOL and was tempted by the cheerleader pictures. Until...

As I began to click on the pictures, and the pictures increased in size (that's what she said), I was extremely disappointed! I mean, how hard is it to find cute cheerleaders in the NFL? No wonder the fans sit so far away! Keep the binoculars in the bag, fellas - these girls should be kept at a distance! Well, at least most of them should.

You know the drill, click the picture and it gets bigger - if you dare!

If you can get past the cleavage here, this girl looks like she's pinchin' a growler!



It's Mrs. Ed! Clomp, clomp, clomp! I think Budweiser found a new Clydesdale!
I wonder if her feet are furry?



Pick one? Maybe the second from the left. Otherwise, I don't even know what to say!



Apparently the Baltimore Ravens are an equal opportunity employer. Yikes!



Look beyond the fake boobs, guys. I can wait. Come on, you can do it!



Send in the clowns...



This girl couldn't make the Creighton squad - and that's saying something!



Did Ellen get hair extensions and go to work as a beer wench in Minnesota?



"Oh...My...GOD! Chandlah Bing!"



OK, I live in Denver and I know for a fact that this is NOT the best we have to offer!



I can't really tell if this girl is cute or not because I can't get past the hideous outfit the Bengals have forced upon her! Painful!



Not bad, but this IS San Francisco after all!



The Indy chicks are looking pretty good...



Well, DUH - it's Dallas. I mean, come on! These girls don't need heads because nobody can look up from those tiny little shorts they wear!



There are white people in Atlanta? Who knew?



Hello Tampa! Yowza!



(Insert indecent Redskin joke here)



Oh my God! The hottest girl in this entire set is from PHILLY???
Get OUT!

There - that was a fun little waste of time now wasn't it?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Note To Self:


I am too old and out of shape to play football with people 20 years younger.

Guh!

Ankle hurts, back hurts, arm hurts, can't breathe real well right now - and it was touch!

Hey, at least I've still got my hair! W00T!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Overheard at the local Wal-Mart


OK, first of all, don't judge us for shopping at Wal-Mart. I know, it's evil - whatever! We have a baby and the place is cheap. Granted their employees lack in, well, pretty much everything. I found a great new drill that I wanted to buy, but there was only a display model. In fact, all of the drills that had cords only had display models - no inventory. Maybe they were kept somewhere else? So, we asked. "Uh, I dunno - I think we're out of 'em." Us, "Do you have more coming in?" Wally, "We might - I dunno. I only work weekends."

But wait, that wasn't the best part of our trip!

I think I counted 27 people in camouflage - all genders and all ages!

Wait, that wasn't the best part either!

During our 45 minute wait in line to buy 15 items (stoopid 10-item limit at the "speedy checkout"! BTW, Katy made a joke that the guy behind us had a clean-shave when he got in line - I turned around and he looked like professor Dumbledore, but less gay), I overheard the cashier in the line next to us explain why the lines were long and there weren't enough checkout lanes open. She said, "Out of the 120 people who applied to work here last month, 8 passed their drug test."

That's right - EIGHT! I'm not missing any numbers, I didn't mistype, and I'm as blown away as you are! That is less than 7% of potential Wal-Mart employees that can pass a drug test! In Castle Rock no less!

Now I know why the majority of Wal-Mart employees are AARP members.
Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!