Thursday, March 30, 2006

Funky Friday Value T-Shirt!

Hey, it's a new Funky Friday T-Shirt! My favorite punchline EVER! If you click it, you can see a larger image and order it for only $10!

Rectum - Damn Near Killed Him T-Shirt!


Rectum T

$10.00

Still available for one more week, here's the Split Nerves T.

Split Nerves T-Shirt!


Split Nerves T-shirt

$10.00

How to Tell if You're From Colorado...

1. You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day.
2. You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.
3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.
4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian.
5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have your own special bike lane.
6. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise.
7. You think your major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.
8. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU's victory.
9. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
10. You can drive over a 12,000-foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
11. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.
12. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.
13. Your car insurance costs more than your car.
14. You have surge protectors on every outlet.
15. April showers bring May blizzards.
16. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been.
17. You know what a 'Chinook' is.
18. You know what a 'Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.
19. You know what a "fourteener" is.
20. But you don't know what a "blinker" is.
21. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.
22. You know who Alfred Packer was and what he did.
23. You know who Baby Doe Tabor was.
24 SPF 90 is not out of the question.
25. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.
26. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
27. Thunder has set off your car alarm.
28. A full moon has never kept you awake at night.
29. You have an $800 stereo in your $300 truck.
30. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.
31. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.
32. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!
33. You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.
34. You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is.
35. You know where the real "South Park" is.
36. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.
37. Driving directions usually include 'Go over _________ Pass.'
38. You've checked for ticks.
39. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka w/ a hood.
40. You've gone snow skiing in July and...
41. You've gone sunbathing in January and...
42. They were in the same year!
43. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could run into both oceans.
44. And the most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Wacky Video Wednesday!

OK, I just want 5 minutes of your time. Can you handle that? As you know, I love quality music videos. Billy turned me on to a video by director Jonathan Glazer that I put below. I promise, it's worth the 5 minutes! It's UNKLE - Rabbit in Your Headlights featuring Thom Yorke (Radiohead):

Everyone Needs One!


A naked sculpture of Britney Spears, kneeling down on a bearskin rug, and birthing her bastard will be on display in the Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery next month. Because we all want to see the spawn of her white trash hubby popping through her pee-hole. Guh!

Yikes! A driving instructor in Connecticut is 93-years-old. He only passes people who drive 10 mph below the speed limit and leave their right turn signal on for 20 miles.

Um, doi! A 3-year-old climbed inside the chute of a claw-grabber toy machine and got stuck. Doesn’t he watch Appalachian ER on SNL? I wonder if his mom had to drive him in on the lawn mower. Anyway, he actually wanted to stay in there – the firemen had to yank him out. Mom was apparently flirting with the dough thrower at Godfather’s Pizza when it happened.

I said dough thrower.

Muslims are weird. A man apparently divorced his wife in his sleep. Yep, he said "talaq" (which translates to divorce) three times in his sleep, granting them a legal, though unwanted, divorce under Islamic law. He’s blaming the verbal gaffe on his sleep medication. Ah, so his doctor has the hots for his wife! It’s Islamic Desperate Housewives!

Random thought: If I hear the Pussycat Dolls song Beep one more time, something will have to be sacrificed. After hearing Lumps by the Black Eyed Peas, I didn’t think songs could get any dumber. Then I saw that will.i.am is involved in the stupid Beep song as well, leading me to the revelation that he is the root of all pop music evil.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Please Join Us?


The Marines – the few, the proud, and just about ANYONE now a days! A 78-year-old woman received a recruiting letter from the Marines. "I couldn't believe it," Sonia Goldstein said. "My girls were sitting here ... we were in hysterics, we laughed so hard." By "my girls" she was referring to her breasts that were sitting on her lap. They also get a special tray on her walker.

So, how DO you have fun in Wyoming? The mayor has an idea – a pothole patrol contest! All citizens have to do is report their street to the city. Whichever street has the most (and biggest) potholes, they get moved up to the top of the priority list to be fixed. The other 3 streets in Wyoming will just have to wait.

Geez, pouty boy! A man in India lit himself on fire and burned himself to death when his wife refused to serve him meat for dinner. A PETA rep said, "We need more jobless alcoholic leaders like this. But now he’s dead, so, um, forget it. But YAY for him!" Wow, I need a job NOW!

What are you wearing? Me too! A survey in London revealed (pun intended) that up to 1/3 of the people of London make phone calls in the nude. Not surprisingly, mostly men. Note to self – never try "What are you wearing" joke when talking to a Brit.

You know what Monday means? It means Random Review Monday on the PAFC Music Blog. Mmm – Sugar Cubes!

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Getting Freaky on Monday!


So I have been asked by my husband to write a compelling reason why all of you should go see Freak Train on Monday night. Well I can give you a few.

1. Free Beer

2 Entertainment like you will see no where else in the State of Colorado.

3. Two lovely and charming hostesses

4. A 6 foot chicken, Captain Swift, a cute dork with puppets and a weird guy named Lin.

5. Prizes

6. Free Beer

If this is not enough to get you all in the door, well then there is nothing more I can do.

Hope to see you all there.

Princess Katy (Oh, in case you didn't know, that picture is NOT of me!)

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Dada – Tatas!


Maybe the kid was just looking for his next meal? Some bonehead left his toddler in the car while he went into a strip club. The kid got out of the car and wandered into the club. Apparently the dad told the kid that if he got out of the car monsters would eat him. Or maybe he meant boobies.

Speaking of forgetting about kids... This guy barely caught his commuter train, but left his daughter in the car. Um, oops! He figured it out after 12 miles or so, but the kid was already rescued and taken to a hospital awaiting her mother. Dad will be sleeping outside for a month and, if he’s lucky, eating dog food.

Watch out for the Pittsburgh sniper! Police in Pittsburgh were looking for a sniper. However, in Pittsburgh, a sniper means some bored dude shooting pigeons with a pellet gun. Back in the day, sniper used to mean Kent Tekulve.

Cat survives 80-foot fall. I saw the video of this on TV – it was crazy. The cat fell out of a tree as onlookers screamed. But the cat just ran off as soon as it landed. Freak.

OK, side note. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I REALLY like the new Kelly Clarkson song, Walk Away. And not just because her pants are falling off her body in the video. Maybe it’s the way she repeats the last word of each line, or the goofy video where everyone is singing along in their own little world. But, since we’re on the topic of hot videos, Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie video is almost painful to see. God bless MTV Hits for playing it 20 times a day!

Whew!

I know; I need a job – badly! Getting lonely!

Caaanndy-gram. A woman in Florida heard a knock on her door. When she answered it, she found alligators knocking on it. Wow, these Girl Scouts will do ANYTHING to peddle those damn cookies!

The Unit, CBS Tuesdays


Many people are saying, "If you love 24, you’ll like the Unit." Granted Dennis Haysbert was introduced to many through his role of the president on 24, but the guy can certainly carry his own TV show. Oh, and I LOVE this new show!

Haysbert plays Jonas Blaine, leader of a "covert team of Special Forces operatives as they risk their lives on undercover missions around the globe." His booming voice and authoritative demeanor make him perfect for this role. The Unit includes Jonas, Colonel Tom Ryan (Robert Patrick), Mack Gerhardt (Max Martini), Charles Grey (Michael Irby), Hector Williams (Demore Barnes) and new recruit, Bob Brown (Scott Foley). The stories follow the operatives in breathtaking missions, but also gives you a up close and personal look at what their families go through at home, worrying and waiting for their husbands to come back alive. Jonas' wife, Molly (Regina Taylor), comforts and counsels the other wives as they cope with their husband’s job. Molly and Tiffy Gerhardt (Abby Brammell) help Bob's pregnant wife, Kim (Audrey Marie Anderson), through the adjustment period of her new life. Tiffy is hiding a secret from her husband Mack, and there is a reason why the commander always keeps him in the field.

I’ll tell you; this show is VERY entertaining and really keeps you on the edge of your seat. There’s enough information above to let you jump right in for the next episode, and you will certainly love the action, characters, and writing. Well worth your Tuesday night! Besides, the "I just said 'Unit'" jokes never get old!

5 out of 5!

Take My Dog - PLEASE?


Anyone want a stinky yellow lab for a few days? We're heading to North Dakota for Easter Weekend and really don't want to kennel her again. We'll be leaving REALLY early on Thursday, 4/13 so we'd probably drop her off late on Wednesday. We come back late Sunday, so we can pick her up Monday. She's a little afraid of most other dogs, and she's definately an inside girl. I know it's a lot to ask, but look haw cute and sweet she is! And we'll bring you something nice from ND, like a snowglobe or something...

Email me at patangello@aol.com if you're interested. And THANKS!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wacky Video Wednesday!

Dang - I almost forgot!

I agree with Herve. Why DO people have to fight?

Monday, March 20, 2006

Big Family TV


Sons & Daughters, ABC Tuesdays

This show was over-promoted for weeks, no, MONTHS! "See the new unscripted show from the creator of SNL." Whatever. The problem with this show that is sometimes improvised is that it, well, needs a damn script!

I watched 2 full episodes of this show and not much of it worked. Sure there were a few funny lines, but there are so many freakin’ people, it’s impossible to keep them all straight. And I know the "writers" have a direction they want the actors to go in, but everything seems so forced. And when the entire cast DOES improvise, it’s painfully obvious and completely overdone. On that note, child actors trying to improvise? Kill me now!

Go ahead, watch a full hour of it tomorrow yourself and tell me what you think. There’s gotta be something better on, like the Unit (I’m getting to that show later, just assuming).

1.5 out of 5 (extra .5 for the resurrection of Wojo and the chick from Cujo)

Big Love, HBO Sundays

I know, you have to give an HBO series a few episodes before you judge, and I have seen 2, so I’m going for it here.

Big Love stars Bill Paxton as, well, Bill, a Utah polygamist in the here and now. Bill is married to Barb, Nicki and Margene (Jeanne Tripplehorn, ChloĆ« Sevigny and Ginnifer Goodwin), and all 3 have their own needs that he tries to fulfill. Barb, the eldest, is kind of the mother hen, Nicki is stuck in the middle, and Margene is just a kid with kids really. As you can imagine, Bill’s home life is quite chaotic. He owns 3 houses in a row, and they all share a large backyard with a pool. Bill spends the night with each wife every third night. It could lead any man to Viagra, which it does.

As if that wasn’t enough stress on the man, Bill’s family from the past, a polygamist cult that lives on a compound, wants part of his business. Bill agreed to the rules of the cult, which means he gives 15% of his income back to the leader. But Bill is incorporating and trying to buy his way out. The leader of the cult is threatening Bill’s family just as Bill is about to open his superstore.

Now, as many people that are in the cast (like Sons & Daughters), the main focus is on Bill, his wives, and a few older kids (one works at a fast food joint with the ponytail girl from Napoleon Dynamite). Communication issues are tripled, but somehow Bill manages to keep order. Can he do it now that he’s being threatened by the compound?

The show is much easier to follow, and the ensuing chaos is captivating. I honestly didn’t love the first episode, but the second was much better. I’m sure the first was designed to introduce the characters and the situation, and now that it’s all out there in front of the audience, I think the show will take off. Besides, there’s nudity. I’m just sayin’!

4 out of 5


If you’ve made it this far, then you deserve to read the Random Monday CD Review. This week, it’s Mr. Bungle!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

New TV Shows!

OK, so I’ve been checking out some of the new, um, Spring(?) TV shows and here’s what I’ve got for ya:

New Adventures of Old Christine, CBS

This is Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ second stab at a sitcom since the end of Seinfeld. I actually kind of liked the show that failed, called Watching Ellie. This show, however, is more of a Elaine character, and I think America wants that.

So imagine Elaine has been married, had a kid, and gotten divorced and you’ve pretty much found Christine. She tries to lie her way out of things, but everyone sees right through it. She’s got the same mannerisms and attitude as Elaine, so this might work. Then again, I liked George’s show and it was cancelled pretty quickly.

Christine’s loser brother lives with her, but his comic relief is decent if not somewhat predictable. The writing is not exactly sharp, but certainly better than most sitcoms. That’s like saying you can tolerate Jessica compared to Ashlee. Also, the child is an OK actor, but not very good. It’s hard to find decent child actors anymore.

After 2 episodes, I’ll give it a few more tries. I actually did find myself laughing out loud as a few things, especially when Christine acts "sexy." The 2 moms who she tries to impress at her son’s new private school are an interesting addition, and an Andy Richter cameo in the second episode as "Sad Dad" was, well, brilliant.

3.5 out of 5

The Loop, FOX

Bret Harrison (Grounded for Life, That 70’s Show) plays Sam, a brainy young gen-y’er who wrote his thesis on the airline industry and suddenly found himself as an executive with an airline. But he’s trying to balance this new responsibility with the party lifestyle forced on him by his roommates, including his older bum of a brother Sully (Eric Christian Olsen), college crush and med student Piper (Amanda Loncar), and bartender Lizzy (Sarah Mason).

OK, so where’s the comedy? Well, it’s in Sully’s “rules” of drinking and such. For instance, if you pass out from being drunk, you get the clippers. Therefore, Sam showed up at work the next day in a suit with a large track of hair missing from the back of his head. Also, Sully likes to occasionally steal Sam’s Scion early in the morning, forcing Sam to borrow a neighborhood girl’s pink bike to get to work.

But wait, it gets better. Sam’s boss Russ is played by Philip Baker Hall (remember Lt. Bookman from the library episode of Seinfeld plus over 100 other TV shows and movies?), who throws analogies and one-liners around so quickly that the Simpson’s would be jealous. Sam also has to fight off the advances of his colleague Meryl (Mimi Rogers) as she constantly grabs his ass and asks him to fish for things inside her clothing.

OK, so I’m a fan of Harrison. He’s got the shtick of the bumbling nerdy guy down and he’s fun to watch. Hall is absolutely excellent in this role and his timing is great. I’m actually looking forward to tonight’s episode!

4 out of 5!

Hey, there’s more coming Friday afternoon so stayed tuned, so to speak!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

KT Meets Her Juke Box Hero!


We all have our own personal rock gods that we would do just about anything to meet. You know - that one musician or singer that can do no wrong and that you have a personal bond with right through your speakers. I, for instance, think Dave Mustaine from Megadeth is the greatest guitarist (as far as original rhythm writing is concerned) since, well, ever. I know he’s extremely conceited so I’m not sure I’d ever want to meet him, but that’s another story.

With just a little bit of word-of-mouth through a local radio station, KT heard that Ed Kowalczyk, the lead singer and songwriter from the band Live, would be playing a free solo show at a pub downtown last weekend after the St. Patrick’s Day parade. She called the pub and they told her that they were going to open at 6:30AM to accommodate the crowd.

My dedicated wife woke up at 5, drove to the light rail station to head downtown. The train was waiting as KT desperately tried to get her crumpled dollars in the machine for a ticket. It wouldn’t take them. She knew the next train was 30 minutes away, so she illegally jumped on the train without a ticket. Now THAT’S dedication!

KT found the pub and saw, well, nobody really. She was the only one there, other than a few Brits in kilts. The boys were still drunk from the night before and they went to the pub to take in a rugby match. It at least made for interesting banter while she waited for Ed to take the stage in about 5 hours.

A few hours later, KT found herself outside checking out the stage. She was wondering where all the fans were, so she turned around. There, in jeans, a hooded sweatshirt, and a knit cap was Ed – three feet away. KT said, in her typical calm demeanor, “Hey! How’s it goin’?” They got to talk for a little while. Ed explained that this was exactly how he wanted things – small crowd, intimate venue, etc. He was very nice and down to earth. Then again, he is a Buddhist.

Ed hit the stage at 11:30 and ripped through 5 songs with an acoustic guitar. He played the new single, The River, as well as Heaven, Mystery (also from the new CD coming out soon), I Alone, and Lightning Crashes, a few tunes you may remember. KT danced and sang along, and seemed to be the only one into it. This made Ed perform mostly directly at KT. How cool is that?

After the mini-show, Ed enthusiastically shook KT’s hand and told her this was exactly how he likes to play venues. In fact, he was going to go on a small tour around the country playing small gigs like this just for fun.

KT was on cloud 9 when she got home – this was probably the most perfect show she had ever attended. I was very happy for her, and a bit jealous. Not because she met a famous man who is on her list, probably at the top, but because I knew how much this meant to her and what an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime event it was for her.

The best day ever for my princess!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Wacky Video Wednesday!

Music videos are a dying art. However, BP is always on the lookout for some good ones. He introduced me to Michel Gondry a few years ago - probably the most creative music video director ever. So, check out his newest one below - the White Stripes' "The Denial Twist." Absolutely brilliant!

Monday, March 13, 2006

3 Things

I know I didn’t have a ton of content last week, so yer gonna get hammered with crap this week.
  1. The PAFC Awards! If you haven’t checked them out yet, well get on it! I spent a lot of freakin’ time on that garbage!
  2. Random Monday CD Review! How about a little Beastie Boys: Ill Communication?
  3. There’s still time to get a "Kiss Me I’m Irish*!" Value T-shirt! An overnight shipment really means overnight!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

2005 PAFC Awards!


Here we go again – it’s time for the 2nd annual PAFC Awards! Just combine the ESPY’s, Grammy’s, Emmy’s, Oscar’s and Razzies and you’ll see what I’m shooting for. And this year is even BETTER than last, as there are links galore! Pics, articles, reviews, video - you name it! BTW, these are purely based on personal opinion and experience – if you can’t believe I didn’t mention a certain movie, that’s because I probably didn’t see it. Want to comment and give your opinion? I welcome it! You can email me, or you can post them in the comments section for everyone to see. Oh, and my lovely and talented wifey KT assisted.

And now, for your amusement – it’s the 2005 PAFC Awards!

SPORTS

Baseball

Team of the Year – Houston Astros. I know, they didn’t win the title, but they did get the entire country behind them.

Manager of the Year – Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox. He managed the most unassuming group of players to a title that nobody really cared about.

Player of the Year – Andruw Jones, Atlanta Braves. Why? Well, he was the only one to hit 50+ homers so there. Like I even care about baseball...

Most Influential Play of the Year – Remember the "bounced ball" when Chicago stole a game from Anaheim? Yeah, what the heck was that?

Idiot of the Year – Raphael Palmeiro, Baltimore Orioles. Please!

Basketball

Team of the Year – Phoenix Suns. They didn’t win it all, but they were simply awesome until they ran into San Antonio in the playoffs.

Coach of the Year – George Karl, Denver Nuggets. He made a group of idiots pay attention and become THE team to be scared of in the ladder half of the season.

Player of the Year – Dwayne Wade, Miami Heat. The guy was simply brilliant all season.

Most Influential Play of the Year – The Nuggets bringing in George Karl to lead the team. It totally turned them into the contenders they were SUPPOSED to be.

Idiot of the Year – Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Timberwolves. Quit yer whining and just play some ball.

Football

Team of the Year – Denver Broncos. Sorry, but NOBODY expected them to be playing for the AFC title.

Coach of the Year – Mike Holmgren. He finally got the monkey off his back in Seattle.

Player of the Year – Steve Smith, Carolina Panthers. He should have been the league MVP, and when Seattle took him out of the game in the playoffs, Carolina didn’t have a chance.

Most Influential Play of the Year – Ben Roethlisberger’s "touchdown" in the Super Bowl. Totally ruined the game!

Idiot of the Year – TO. Biggest idiot in ALL sports, hands down!

Hockey (We’ll just have to go with the first half of this season)

Team of the Year – Carolina Hurricanes. If you’re not watching them, you’re missing the most exciting team in the NHL.

Coach of the Year – Peter Laviolette, Carolina Hurricanes. Even though he couldn’t get Team USA to make any noise in the Olympics, the guy has certainly adapted his team to the new rules of the NHL.

Player of the Year – Jaromir Jagr. Leading the league in just about everything!

Most Influential Play of the Year – Have you seen the goal Alexander Ovechkin scored from his back? Un-effin-real!

Idiot of the Year – Todd Bertuzzi. Yep, still.

Miscellaneous Sports Moment of the Year - The return of the NHL. Though not enough people give a crap.

TV

Sitcom

Best Show – TIE: The Office & Arrested Development. Brilliant every damn week. I miss AD so badly it hurts! However, the Office literally makes KT and I sad when each episode ends. Jim and Pam are so amazing to watch!

Honorable Mention – My Name is Earl. This was supposed to flop, but it has been excellent almost every week.

Best Actor – Ethan Suplee. AKA, Earl’s brother Randy. He’s so damn perfect in that role and comes up with the greatest lines – simply the best character on TV.

Best Actress – Jaime Pressley. The white trash ex of Earl kills me every week.

Best Show That Was Cancelled Too Early – Book of Daniel. I can’t even begin to tell you how pissed off I was when this show was suddenly gone.

Worst Show – Two and a Half Men. How in the world is this show the number one comedy in the country?

Drama

Best Show – Invasion. I’m hooked, what can I say? KT is all about Grey’s Anatomy. I’ve watched it and don’t mind it, but I’m not all caught up in it like I am Invasion.

Honorable Mentions – Lost. Hasn’t quite lost its edge like Desperate Housewives has. Oh, and KT loves the OC. I usually write while it’s on.

Best Actor – Hugh Laurie. Dr. House is simply awesome every week. Could be the writers, but his character is fantastic.

Best Actress – Anna Belknap. Maybe I’m just really excited that little Sassy girl has been added to the cast of CSI: NY.

Late Night

Best Talk Show – Jimmy Kimmel Live. Yep, he beat out Conan. Sorry, but a ton of creativity goes into this show and Kimmel is one funny dude. Especially This Week in Unnecessary Censorship.

Worst Talk Show – Tonight Show with Jay Leno (5-TIMER). Any show where the only funny thing on it is provided by the viewers is appalling.

Best Talk Show Band – The Max Weinberg 7 (5-TIMER) from Conan O’Brien. There is simply no competition!

Best Talk Show Gag – The Superhero Olympics from Jimmy Kimmel Live (See films 7 & 8). I swear I was crying when Captain America tried to ski in a parking lot on fake snow – even woke KT up I was laughing so hard!

Miscellaneous

Have you forgotten about our Prime-Time Hotties and Prime-Time Hunks?

MUSIC

Punk Rock

Best CD of the Year – The Kills: No Wow. Absolutely awesome CD from a simple duo.

Honorable Mention: The Grates: The Ouch. The Touch. This group from Australia is tough to find in the US, but the 4-song EP is the best 10 minutes of music you will ever purchase!

Punk Pop

Best CD of the Year – Gogol Bordello: Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike. I think the name of the CD says it all, but for those of you that don’t get it, its Ukrainian gypsy punk music!

Honorable Mention – Louis XIV: The Best Little Secrets Are Kept. Raunchy and fun – a throwback to the classic punks.

Bluesy Prog-Rock

Best CD of the Year – The White Stripes: Get Behind Me Satan. Not a CD that I absolutely LOVED, but still good enough.

Honorable Mention – The Mars Volta: Frances the Mute. Mostly instrumental trippy music.

Hard Rock

Best CD of the Year – Queens of the Stone Age: Lullabies to Paralyze. This CD is incredible from beginning to end!

Honorable Mention – Sleater-Kinney: The Woods. I know I didn’t love them in concert, but I DID love them on CD.

Heavy Metal

Best CD of the Year – System of a Down: Mesmerize and Hypnotize. Both CDs that came out 8 months apart are excellent. These guys have reinvented heavy metal.

Other Stuff

Best Comedy CD of the Year – Richard Cheese: Aperitif for Destruction. RC is the new Weird Al.

Best Female Vocal CD of the Year – Tori Amos: The Beekeeper. She still slays me with that sultry voice of hers.

Best Unclassifiable CD of the Year – Matson Jones. Yep, the string quartet from Fort Collins Colorado is my new favorite band. I’m literally Jonesin’ for more!

A Slight Disappointment – The Residents: Animal Lover. Granted the second disc was solid, but the rest just didn’t do anything for me.

MOVIES

Drama

Best Movie of the Year – Walk the Line. Both Joaquin and Reese were incredible – especially when you realize they did their own singing as well as giving stellar performances.

Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – Crash. It made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

Worst Movie of the Year – Four Brothers. Hollywood, save your money!

Comedy

Best Movie of the Year – The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Steve Carell is simply a comic genius.

Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – Be Cool. Seriously!

Worst Movie of the Year – Miss Congeniality 2. OK, so I didn’t pay for it, but seeing it on HBO was the biggest waste of 90 minutes on a Sunday ever!

Romantic Comedy

Best Movie of the Year – Wedding Crashers. Yep, it turned into a chick flick, but it was actually a lot of fun. And seeing Isla Fisher naked didn’t hurt at all.

Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t MissUmmm... Yeah, I got nuthin'!

Worst Movie of the Year – Guess Who. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

Action/Suspense

Best Movie of the Year – Batman Begins. This really was well done.

Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – The Brothers Grimm. Actually a pretty fun film.

Worst Movie of the Year – Stealth. I have no idea why this film was made.

Horror/Monster

Best Movie of the Year – Saw II. OK, so it was a slow year.

Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – The Exorcism of Emily Rose. It wasn’t GREAT, and certainly wasn’t as scary as I had hoped, but I still enjoyed it enough to tell you to rent it.

Worst Movie of the Year – Hide and Seek. There’s a lot of competition in this category for worst movie, and this one really sucked it hard.

Animation

Best Movie of the Year – Sin City. OK, so it wasn’t EXACTLY animated, but I still loved the way it was filmed.

Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – The Corpse Bride. OK, so I haven’t seen it, but I really want to!

Worst Movie of the Year – Madagascar. Guh!

Miscellaneous

Best Movie of the Year That Nobody Really Liked But Me – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Probably because I’m a big Sam Rockwell fan.

Best Special Effects Movie of the Year – King Kong. OK, so the film sucked, but the effects were sweet.

Worst Idea For a Movie – The Ringer. Yeah, I saw that in a South Park episode years ago.

Most Over-Hyped Film – Brokeback Mountain. I know my wife liked it, but I didn’t – and it had nothing to do with the fact that the guys were gay. It was just not a great film in my opinion.

Just Get to the Point Film – Star Wars Episode III. We all know what happens; just make it so, Obi Wan!

Worst Trend – Remaking crappy films! War of the Worlds, Longest Yard, King Kong, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Herbie, Amityville, Bad News Bears, House of Wax, the Fog.

Even Worse TrendMeaningless sequels! Cheaper by the Dozen 2, the Ring Two, Miss Congeniality 2, Transporter 2, XXX: State of the Union, Beauty Shop.

Absolutely the WORST TrendTV shows, musicals, and video games becoming movies! Dukes of Hazzard, Rent, Doom, Bewitched, Aeon Flux.

Acting and Stuff

Best Actor – Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line). Again, he was fantastic!

Best Supporting Actor – The Rock (Be Cool). Honestly made me cry laughing.

Best Actress – Dakota Fanning (War of the Worlds, Hide and Seek). The only redeeming quality of these films is this youngster’s incredible ability. Now she needs to quit making crappy films! The Cat in the Hat anyone?

Best Supporting Actress – Thandie Newton (Crash). She was sincerely unbelievable!

Most Annoying Character Carl Denham (Jack Black) in King Kong. You can’t take him seriously – ever!

Best DirectorRobert Rodriguez (Sin City). Absolutely amazing film – honestly!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

It's Pretty Tasty!


So is it organic bacon? A farmer in Germany fed the corpse of his neighbor to his pigs. Um, yuck! That is beyond sick and wrong! Then again, we eat pigs so...

Nobody wants to see that anymore. For reasons unknown to mankind, there is a sequel to Basic Instinct coming out soon. Heck, it’s only been 14 years. And yes, Sharon Stone is in it again. Oh, and she will be naked again. Now that she’s pushing 50, I’m not exactly thrilled. Besides, the original movie was pretty lame anyway. The only reason people went to see it was because she exposed her hoo-ha. Seeing her naked now with her ta-tas hanging down to her hips isn’t exactly getting anyone hot. And have you seen the atrocity that is her hair in this film? Whatever happened to bangs?

Maybe he’s sleeping – still. A man spent 3 days dead in his car on the side of a busy highway before someone finally noticed him. Don’t you normally look inside a car on the side of the road when you pass by it to see if there is someone inside that needs help? I guess you don’t in Canada. After all, Todd Bertuzzi is from there.

Women drivers! A woman in England was filmed driving without any hands as she was putting on make up. Yep, one hand had a mirror, the other held an eye pencil. And this was on a road that is notorious for accidents. I think she was originally from Arizona.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Lady Looks Like a Dude!


A lesbian was named homecoming KING in Maryland. Jennifer Jones beat out 3 men for the title at Hood College? I’m sure she’s a popular person, so why didn’t she just run for queen? What exactly was she trying to prove? Anyway, you really don’t want to see who won queen.

Since we’re talking about preposterous happenings. A minor league hockey team in Georgia gave away bobblehead dolls of the runaway bride. Do people still go loopy over these things? I thought her 15 minutes of fame were over when I saw the video of the cheerleader on the stretcher, which I’m tired of already.

A guy walks into a bar and gets lucky without meeting anyone. Welcome to London where you can buy sex toys in vending machines at bars. Or pubs, whatever. Anyway, if yer in London and hoping to get a little frisky, go to a pub. Even if you don’t hit it off with anyone, you’re bound to take home a little something at the end of the night. And you won’t even need a shot later.

Barney Fife LIVES! A deputy who is a firearms instructor accidentally shot himself in the leg. Just before it happened, he said, "Now, Andy. Here’s what you DON’T want to do with the gun.”" Nothing like learning from an expert.

Let’s go robbing!

See? Any idiot can (almost) rob a bank!

Just take the damn money! A man got a speeding ticket in a speed trap and sent a check in for payment. In the memo of the check, he wrote "For Speed Trap" and the mayor refused the payment. Come on, it’s not like he’s protesting at an abortion clinic or anything!

Can I use your phone? A man in Ohio has been charged with making 2600 obscene phone calls! If this took place in Colorado, I’d probably have a good guess at who it was. Anyway, my theory is he made them because he lived in Licking County.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!