PAFC: The Pat Angello Fan Club

Seriously - it's 3AM!

2010-06-02T03:10:00.003-06:00

And I am obviously not sleeping. No idea why, really, but I did actually sleep for about an hour and then came down to the basement to work on some more stuff for my newest venture...

EvilMonkeyGadgets.com!

Yeah, I launched a super cool new website that many of you already know about. If you don't, well go check it out so this 3AM post isn't fruitless! It's loaded with some sweet and inexpensive gadgets that ship to your door with no shipping charges! I know, it's like Christmas and yer birfday just collided! Maybe something to ponder for Father's Day? Does dad need a new pen, or MP3 player, or both stuck together? HA! Well, the Evil Monkey can hook you up and even throw an FM tuner in that bad thing!

Also, the fine artist Derek Knight drew the killer logo, and we stuck it on a bunch of stuff.

Like yer working...

I'm a Loser, and So Are the Chargers!

2010-01-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

Or, at least, I'm trying to be.

Thank GOD for my co-workers organizing a Biggest Loser competition at the office, because I needed this big time.

Look, I joined LA Weight Loss a little over 4 years ago and learned how to eat properly. Good food choices, correct portion sizes, how often, how much, etc. Apparently it didn't take me long to forget it all, because just a year or two later the 40 pounds I lost pretty much all came back. I even started pretty good last year, losing 10 quickly, but just fattening back up to my jelly self.

This year, my boss started a Biggest Loser competition at the office and I opted in ($50 buy-in). After week one, I gained almost a pound, and then I got pissed. Hey, I'm proud of the others for losing the first week, and not everyone remembered to weigh in, but I was the only one that gained that week. Well, of the people that weighed in, I was the only one that gained. In my typical fashion, I made light of it by replying to all on the contest update email by saying, “Oh, we're supposed to go the OTHER way! Got it!” But deep down, I was pissed. And I knew exactly why I was up, and it was simply horrendous choices over the weekend. I swear I lost 2-3 pounds during the week, but made a gluttonous spectacle of myself in a mere 2-3 days. That blew it all.

I think I've got this figured out again, and I am determined to stay on track and hit my goal! I'm making the right choices, getting a little exercise in, and being inspired by simply wanting to compete and get my money back. Besides, I work with really good people. Despite a few days of rib-nudging “sabotage” (OK, so I brought in 3 boxes of Tasty Kakes and threw them on other people's desks), we are starting to push each other, help each other, support each other, share some ideas about what to eat, walk together (thanks, Pouxie!), and even piss each other off enough after a good week to want to try harder. Hey, worked for me after week 1, because I'm now down 5 pounds after week 2. 35 to go!

We headed up to Fort Collins to have dinner with our CiCi right in the middle of the Chargers v Jets game. It was only 7-0 Chargers, and I thought, “Looks like a typical top 4 playoff for the Super Bowl.” I was DELIGHTED with the outcome, mostly because Philip Rivers is a prick. Really. Love to see pain on his face more than I love to see it on Jay Cutler's. And for a team led by a rookie QB to go into SD and break the Charger's 11 game win streak? Comical!

Yes, I predicted an Eagles-Chargers Super Bowl, but I don't care that I was wrong. I simply want to see New Orleans and Indy since they were clearly the best teams this season.

Let's Talk Sports!

2010-01-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm a little pissed at the Broncos. Maybe more disappointed than pissed really... Look, I expected them to go 4-12 at best this year, then they teased me with a 6-0 start. You can't do that and finish the season 2-8 with home losses to rank Raiduhs and crap Chefs teams. We expected playoffs this year after that start, but we went down like a Mexican whore at Mardi Gras after the break. Not to over analyze, but here are a few things:

The draft – where does it make sense to trade next year's first round pick to move up in the second round this year? Really? And Orton was “solid” for most of the season, but how nice would it be to have 2 more first round picks this year to move up and get a QB to build this team around? Because Simms proved he's not the answer. Or maybe we groom Brandstater and trade up for that stud Ndamukong Suh from Nebraska to plug up the middle on defense? Just thinking out loud here...

The defense – OK, we were much improved here at the beginning of the season. But we went from giving up 11 points per game in that fun little 6-0 start to giving up 26 points per game while going 2-8. No real injuries to point at, so... WTF happened???

Discipline – Sure, nobody is bigger than the team. But suspending your all-pro WR and damn awesome but underutilized TE when the playoffs are on the line for no real reason? I don't get it. Is it true that nobody is bigger than the team, or is it just the PLAYERS that aren't bigger than the team? Looks like Coach Mac thinks he's bigger than anyone. Must be the hoodie.

With that said, I say Packers and effing Chargers play for the title. Hate the Chargers, but I have a weird feeling the bastards are about to take it all. DAMMIT!

Winter time means I don't care about baseball. Wait... I don't care about baseball in the summer either!

What about the NBA you ask? I've completely given up on basketball all together for a few reasons. First, the players are babies and thugs that can pretty much get away with murder no matter how stern Stern is. Gilbert Arenas will be made an example of, with good reason! He first had guns in his locker, then Tweeted about it in jest, and then made handgun hand jesters to his teammates before a game. So what can the commissioner really do that will change anyone's actions in the future? Nothing – sorry. Second, I can't take the refs. Pathetic isn't harsh enough to describe the way games are called. I want to watch athletes play basketball, not old bald men bringing games to a screeching halt by making ticky-tack calls to get their ugly mug on TV.

However, I am pretty pumped to watch some hockey now because I really don't care much about the NFL playoffs when my team isn't there. Besides, hockey players are the most amazing athletes on earth. Plus, the majority of them are humble, dedicated, family-oriented, down-to-earth guys. And how many do you hear about that are in trouble with the law? Name one that was busted with pot, or guns, or has 8 kids all with different moms...

Oh, and spring means lacrosse season! YAY!!!

Resolutions for 2010 and Honoring 2009!

2010-01-03T18:52:00.001-07:00

Yep, I'm a few days late...

Resolutions:

Write more and more and more...
Get my Evil Monkey Gadgets web site up, running and profitable.
No more fast food. Really. Ever.
Exercise? Guh – yes. Finding time with a toddler is difficult, but maybe Katy and I can work out some compromise in the evenings.
Get to Freak Train more often. I love that place, and I have too many ideas to stay away, including some guest appearances (human, not puppet).
Play my guitar more.
Take this boy out to fly a kite.

Honoring 2009:

Honor Brittany Murphy by watching Drop Dead Gorgeous over and over again.
Honor Tiger Woods by playing golf at least once this year, not by banging a Perkins hostess. I mean, really? At least it wasn't a Denny's...
Learn to moon walk better.
Completely give up on the NBA. Finally.
Have pictures taken with my hair feathered and hard nipples showing and selling them as posters.
No longer putting baby in the corner.
When I'm driving and not sure if I should turn or not, then I make up my mind and say, “I think I'll just go straight,” only to see a sign that says, “No U Turn,” so I turn... (Good luck with that one)
Play my guitar a lot more.
Watch at least one John Hughes movie every month – shouldn't be difficult to do at ALL!

Here We Go Again!

2010-01-02T23:29:00.001-07:00

It's the beginning of the year, and yet again I am about to post on my blog. I usually sit there and SWEAR that I'm going to commit to writing more and posting on a regular or semi-regular basis. But then there's this FaceBook thing that keeps getting in the way. Will I post more often? Maybe. Does anyone really care? Probably not. Can I keep asking myself questions only to vaguely answer them in the following sentence? Stay tuned!

Ah, the FaceBook thing. So easy and addictive. It's an amazing little creation that has helped me find people I never thought I'd hear from again. Funny how annoyed I get when their chat is slow and funky and pictures don't upload perfectly. So spoiled! It's also forced a few connections that I have politically accepted. Is that wrong? OK, I won't answer that one. But I love the stupid site and I love posting pictures of that awesome little boy of mine, which is why those pictures are all on FaceBook and not on the blog.

A little more reflection... I am a bit concerned about some of my friends being unemployed, and I'd love to do anything I can to help. Honestly. I've been through layoffs quite a bit and it's very painful and frustrating. I've also met and caught up with some great people this year who are in business for themselves, and I'd like to remind you over and over to support them when and if you can. We're all just trying to survive right now, ya know? So...

Pam de Jong was just let go from the same employer that dumped Katy in June. However, Pam has a few little side businesses that might be of interest. She put together a great little travel site in case you want to get away: http://www.LetsGoThatWay.com. She also does “those” parties, so check out http://passion.pammyjean.com.

Did I mention “those” parties? Amazing I know more than one person that does this, so if you're more of a slumber party girl than a passion party girl, enter Marne Lowell. She is a friend from way back in high school who lives about 3 miles from me RIGHT NOW yet I never see here – ever – not even at DazBog or slumming at Wal-Mart. Anyway, you can see her dirty stuff here: http://www.slumberpartiesbymarne.com.

Here's a segue for ya: need your carpet cleaned? Again, ironically, I know 2 carpet cleaners! Brian Moss and I used to jam together in high school, and he owns Castle Rock Carpet Care. Also, Scott Cox is the president of The Springs Carpet and Tile Care, and has cleaned our carpets before – in other words, he's not tied to the Springs. You can find Scott at http://www.thespringscarpet.com.

Michelle Peterson and I met through a mutual friend, and Michelle is a great person. Not only that, but she has an artistic flair that is pretty amazing! She makes jewelry and vases with glass, and you can see some of her stuff at http://www.avibranthue.com.

Hungry for a cupcake? Why not make it a gourmet cupcake made by one of my co-workers, Jenny Dumala? Jenny is very creative and makes awesome cupcakes, which I know from scarfing down. You can see her designs and contact her at http://www.perfectserendipity.com.

It may be early in the year, but it's late in the evening so I am going to call it. I am just scratching the surface here, so please don't be offended if I “missed” you. In fact, tell me if I missed you! Look, we're all just trying to get by and support ourselves and our families, or possibly just trying to follow a dream. Why not try to give each other a lift?

Musicians Jumping the Shark

2009-07-12T15:15:00.000-06:00

“Jumping the Shark” is a term originally used for failing TV shows, where ratings are down and the show does something absurd to try to get viewers back. Specifically, it points directly to the Fonz jumping his motorcycle over a shark near the bitter end of the TV series Happy Days. However, while driving around town and listening to my iPod on beloved shuffle play, my wife and I recognized a few rock bands' shark jumping tunes. So, I decided to put together a list of said songs in no particular order (OK, sort of alphabetical after a few). As always, I'd love to see comments and welcome any songs I may have missed as most of this comes from my personal collection:

Mr. Roboto – Styx. Seriously! If there ever was a band that took things in a horrendous direction, it was Styx with this craptastic song. It was cheesy from day one.

Jump – Van Halen. Even with Diamond Dave at the mic, this song made them look like a bunch of wussies. Although the rest of the album 1984 was pretty decent, Jump was certainly not a typical VH tune, thus leading to the departure of David Lee Roth and Van Hagar was (gack) born! Anyone remember the Gary Cherone months?

The Unforgiven – Metallica. Just as Metallica was hitting their underground, speed metal peak, the Black Album came out. The true Metallica fans (myself included) went to the midnight release, all pumped up to hear what we've been waiting for since ...And Justice For All. The songs on this album were short and sweet – not a typical Metallica album at all, and then there was this, um, ballad. Metallica is not a ballad band! Or, at least they weren't until they decided the Black Album needed to be commercially successful, and it was, which disappointed the majority of their fans, but made the band HUGE. They put out a few more albums afterward including Load and Reload (AKA, the crap that wasn't good enough to go on Load, but they were feeling lazy). Next thing you know, they were playing with a symphony and bassist Jason Newsted had enough and left. The band attempted to go back to their garage roots with St. Anger, which was pretty good, but their producer Bob Rock filled in on bass, which hurt. Better than the album is the documentary Some Kind of Monster, the story of the band recording St. Anger. Metallica is now trying to please all with Death Magnet. The jury is still out.

You're the Inspiration – Chicago. These guys were pretty cool for a while, and even had some rocking tunes (25 or 6 to 4 is still one of my favies, and it pissed me off that Green Day stole the riff for Brain Stew), but this ballad made the band, well, lame as crap. Why is it always the ballads that kill the bands? Speaking of which...

I Want to Know What Love Is – Foreigner. Because the album 4 was so awesome, they were forgiven for Waiting for a Girl Like You. However, the next album Agent Provocateur, produced this awful ballad with the cheese-ball gospel choir singing and clapping in the background during the video. It was all downhill after that.

We Built This City – Starship. In a desperate attempt to go from psychedelic 60's to trendy 80's, Starship (formerly Jefferson Starship, formerly Jefferson Airplane) went for the pastel colors and a just plain awful song that we all could have lived without.

Abracadabra – Steve Miller Band. Known mostly as one of the best (OK, one of my favorite) classic rock bands, the 80's yet again destroyed a good band. Why try to blend when you already stand out?

A Tout Le Monde – Megadeth. No idea what Dave Mustaine was thinking here, but the album Youthanasia produced this painful “ballad” where Dave sings the chorus in French. The band's real downfall was the “alternative” album Risk, which lead to the firing of Marty Freidman – the best guitarist Dave ever worked with and a HUGE overreaction on his part (later, he would make a bigger mistake by dumping bassist Dave Ellefson) and the band has never been the same. Not willing to let this horrible single die like it should, Megadeth released the song yet again on an album called United Abominations (appropriate) as a duet with Cristina Scabbia of the band Lacuna Coil. It didn't help.

Cryin' – Aerosmith. This classic rock band somehow adapted into the 80's (Permanent Vacation is still one of my all-time favorite records) and 90's, but the ballad did in yet another great artist. Not even a video with jail-baitress Alicia Silverstone could help this lame track!

Kokomo – the Beach Boys. Making vacationers vomit across the globe.

Uptown Girl – Billy Joel. OK, Billy, we get it. Yer nailing the hottest girl on the planet (at the time). But did you have to write her the cheesiest song on the planet? I'm surprised she didn't divorce him right then and there. Why wait?

Amanda – Boston. The album Third Stage was relatively weak to begin with, and this (yet another) ballad didn't help. Although I did play it on my guitar for my German class in 11th grade for some reason...

Drive – the Cars. Do you see a theme here? Yep – another ballad kills a band. Ric Ocasek left after this album and the rest of the band currently greet people at Wal-Mart's all over Boston.

Don't Be Cruel – Cheap Trick. Here's a new trend – trying to re-establish the band with a quirky cover tune. And it never works.

Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) – Green Day. Didn't these guys used to be a punk band that sang with fake British accents? When did they turn into a bunch of acoustic guitar strumming pansies? Oh, right here!

Love Bites – Def Leppard. And so does this song! I know they've overcome a ton of tragedies, but that's no excuse for exposing us to this rotten ballad.

Are You Experienced – Devo. Even my heroes tried to make themselves relevant again with a crappy cover. Fortunately, after disappearing for a long time, they are making an ultra-cool comeback, with some classics and NEW songs featured in ads (don't mention the Swifer commercial), a few tours this decade, and even a new album this fall!

Layla – Eric Clapton. The only artist I can think of that took his OWN awesome, classic song, remade it and ruined it completely!

Hold Me – Fleetwood Mac. Christine McVie is the Devil with bangs and should have stayed quietly hidden behind the piano.

Land of Confusion – Genesis. Yes, I love me some puppets. However, this song (and video) may have been cool for about 5 minutes. This was a sign that Phil Collins was destroying this avant garde band systematically, only so he could write songs for Disney movies that are complete rubbish. Not that Sussudio wasn't painful enough...

Vacation – the Go-Go's. Didn't they LITERALLY jump a shark in this video? I just remember the matching outfits as they water skied around. They had some great songs (Head Over Heels is one of my favorites), but this wasn't one of them!

Jeopardy – Greg Kihn. Sometimes when Weird Al parodies your song it's a compliment. Sometimes.

November Rain – Guns N' Roses. GnR was on top of the world when they released their much anticipated Use Your Illusion albums. OK, so they thought their poop was ice cream. Axl was so conceded that he thought he could write a power ballad, so he shat out this gem of a painful tune. It wasn't ice cream and it took him almost 20 years to get his poop together and put out another album.

What About Love? - Heart. What about you stick to your old rockin' selves and give us another Barracuda?

Come Dancing – the Kinks. Because when I think You Really Got Me, Lola and All Day and All of the Night, I think of ballroom dancing.

Lick it Up – Kiss. I'm just going to say this once: never should have taken the makeup off! Especially when your guitarist looks like Vinnie Vincent. Not that Ace Frehley was better looking, but still. It's not so much that the SONG destroyed the band here, but the whole concept of letting people see the band without makeup on this album pretty much destroyed the entire image they had built and they were never the same.

When It's Over – Loverboy. ...And it was.

The Impression That I Get – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. One of the coolest underground ska/punk bands IMO went commercial. Bad idea, even though the public bought it. See, the issue (yet again) is that when a band does this, their true fans get pissed and kind of disown them for selling out. Sure they get some success, but it's always short-lived. So, now they've alienated their fan base and the people that got into them for their commercial success are on to the next new thing. Say goodnight.

Hello, I Love You – Missing Persons. Goodbye, we miss you. Another bad cover helps the band commit suicide.

Home Sweet Home – Motley Crue. Why God WHY? Vince Neil “playing” piano? Somehow the metal heads ate up this horrible ballad with a piano riff written by a 4-year-old. I think the original lyrics were, “I'm on my way / home sweet home / but I'm really drunk / I think I just ran over a guy / on my way / home sweet home!”

Sister Christian – Night Ranger. Unfortunately, this great hard rock band is known for this song. They had SO much more to offer! Jeff Watson and Brad Gillis were two of the best dueling guitarists at the time. Songs like (You Can) Still Rock in America, Eddie's Coming Out Tonight and Touch of Madness were AWESOME. In addition, Don't Tell Me You Love Me has always been one of my favorite songs ever! The guitar solo still gives me goose bumps! Yet, everyone knows them for this lame ballad.

Stand – REM. Quite possibly the dumbest and most annoying song ever written.

Under the Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers. Again, a punk band goes commercial. Flea's talent was totally wasted on a song like this – dude is one of the greatest bass players of his time.

Wind of Change – Scorpions. These winds changed this rock band, who actually did some cool ballads before this, into just another wimpy has-been metal band trying to gain commercial success with yet another bad ballad. Which was pretty depressing to me, because I had to buy World Wide Live 3 times on cassette in high school as I kept wearing it out in my car!

With or Without You – U2. I was into these guys early, when they had one-word album titles (War, Boy, October) and a very original sound. Then they went downhill and became a huge success. Maybe it's me?

Is This Love – Whitesnake. No, it's just a crappy ballad!

Keep it COMING!

2009-05-22T15:54:00.002-06:00

...That's what she said...

No, I mean GO NUGGETS! Yeah! That's what I meant.

Something about the pained look on Kobe's face made me very happy. How does it feel, Kobe? Like someone took something from you without your permission? Possibly forced you to give it up? Huh???

Like a nerd, I'm on Twitter. However, it helps me keep up with a brilliant columnist I kinda forgot about. He hates the Lakers too.

I don't get the whole Lady Gaga thing. Is she a model or a musician? Are we supposed to admire her for her freakish fashion sense, or because she recorded a typical dance track? I'm lost.

Ooooohhhh! Lost season finale was AWESOME! Jacob - dead? How many Locke's are there? Did the bomb stop the plane from crashing? How could a bomb set off in 1977 stop a plane from crashing in 2004? Ah, what a show! JJ Abrams is a freakin GOD! Fringe is awesome as well - perfectly fills the hole left years ago by the X Files. And, for our 11th wedding anniversary, KT and I are off to see the new Star Trek - by Abrams! After all, what would our anniversary be without a sci-fi movie date?

McG is behind the new Terminator film. I wasn't too interested in it until I realized that. Dude rocked the Charlie's Angels films!

It's OK to love yer pets... A man in WY sucked snake venom out of his dog's nose after the dog was bitten by a rattler. Almost killed both of them, and cost the owner $3500 in antivenin. I'd say something about spending that much on a dog, but my bionic dog has 2 titanium knees that cost us over $4000.

Remember that teacher who had an affair with her 6th grade student? Yes, a woman and a 12-year-old. Her name is Mary Kay Letourneau and, in keeping with her white-trash mentality, she hosted a "Hot for Teacher" night at a bar in Seattle. That's class! If yer not creeped out enough yet, she met her future husband when he was in 2nd grade. Who threw up in their mouth right there?

Is that a banana in your... A man dressed in an ape suit tried to steal a banana display in Wisconsin. And I thought seeing a guy in a chicken suit sing Karaoke Sinatra was weird.

Well, Well, Well...

2009-05-20T19:35:00.002-06:00

I know - a new post. Shocking.

Shuddap!

I'm on vacation.

Unpaid.

Stuck around as Katy is working.

So...

Of the 27 NFL headlines on Yahoo today, 10 were about Michael Vick. I don't care. Seriously. Did he pay his debt, does he owe society more, should he be reinstated, blah, blah, blah... Was it a coincidence that there was a rerun of CSI on today with a story about dog fighting? Maybe!

Speaking of the NFL, do you remember that Super Bowl thing back in February? Remember James Harrison of the Steelers? The guy who returned an interception 100 yards for a touchdown? Well, he refused the invitation to visit the White House with the rest of the team. The reason? "If you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned, (President Barack Obama) would've invited Arizona if they had won." It's true - it's called a tradition. The President invites the Super Bowl winner, the World Series winner, NBA Championship... Dude is a moron.

Did I say moron? Ocho Cinco. Seriously.

Yes, it's May and I'm talking football.

I need this!

I'm talking football because the Rockies suck harder than, well, the Avs did last season. But wait...

The Nuggets can beat the Lakers. They CAN beat the Lakers. I'm a little nervous about JR Smith's injury at the end of the game, but if he's a go, we'll take it in 6.

I can't sleep at night because I get songs to kids TV shows stuck in my head. Help!

Luc will say anything you ask him to say. Or sometimes DON'T ask him to say. With that said, watch yer language if you visit our home.

People in SLC have weird hobbies. An 11-year-old kid wanted to break the world record for most live snails on his face at once. His 3 moms, 7 brothers and 13 sisters cheered him on. What would Joseph Smith do?

Kids these days! A woman in Dallas gave birth to twins with different fathers. On the next Maury!

I also need this!

A new way to haggle! Don't like the price? Beat the crap out of the seller! A man in Germany beat up a woman because her asking price for WHITE ASPARAGUS was too high for his liking. So glad I don't sell cars anymore!

Justin Timberlake might be the greatest SNL host of all time. Don't believe me? Try THIS! Still need convincing? How about THIS? Really? More? Fine - HERE!

OWIE! Further proof that soccer players are a bunch of puddies. Disciplinary action for hair pulling? Stop - really, it's embarrassing.

Interesting...

2009-02-03T21:04:00.001-07:00

Enjoy!

Wrong For Children...

2009-01-29T21:54:00.002-07:00

For those of you NOT on Facebook, here is my latest Freak Train performance. It's a story about a purple duck named Paul. Although it sounds like it's for children, it most certainly is not!

As always, thanks to the lovely and talented Dejo for recording and uploading!

Enjoy!

Um, Who is That Again?

2009-01-12T20:30:00.004-07:00

And the Denver Broncos have a new coach! YAY - it's some young kid I never really heard of! So I'm not jumping for joy!!!

OK, I'll give Josh McDaniels credit for running a record-setting offense on a NEARLY perfect team, and coaching a nobody quarterback to an 11-5 record, and learning from a dynastic franchise with some killer co-worker coaches... However, the last 3 coaches to leave the Pats have not exactly been awesome. 2 were just fired, and one is on thin ice. Is McJuvenile different? I mean, we (collectively, Colorado) all knew we needed help on defense. Dude is an offensive stud. Why not Leslie Frazier, the former Chicago Bear and current defensive coordinator of the Vikings? Or defensive coordinator for the Giants that EVERYONE is after, Steve Spagnuolo?

Apparently, I don't know nearly as much about this team as their billionaire owner. Plus, I didn't interview these guys myself, so I can't say dinky-doo...Until he fails. Will he though? I guess the Broncos' defense can give up an average of 28 points per game next year as long as the offense consistently scores 40. That can happen, right?

Hopefully the new whiz kid can attract some defensive stud coaches, because ANOTHER defensive coordinator is exactly what we need - the last 4 in 4 years sucked.

There is hope, and there could be a future, but I'm not exactly sitting here shouting, "YES! That's EXACTLY who I was hoping for!!'

From Left to Right

2008-12-29T20:35:00.002-07:00

First, let's make fun of the right...

And NOW we'll make fun of the left...

Happy New Year!

Dancey Dance Time!

2008-12-19T20:27:00.003-07:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

What can be said, really?

2008-12-07T10:23:00.001-07:00

Pics for Marcia

2008-12-05T22:25:00.000-07:00

Schnazzy!

2008-12-02T19:54:00.002-07:00

First of all, the only good thing about losing a fantasy football game by 0.81 points is winning the next week by 1.39. Geez - my own fantasy team is giving me a heat attack! At least none of my players were suspended for doping, or shot themselves in the leg with a concealed weapon!

Like a bag of cats on the way to the river, Axl Rose has FINALLY screeched out Chinese Democracy. Only 14 years have passed since GnR started working on this, um, masterpiece... Was it worth the wait? Sorta! Here are the things I like - there are some rockin' tunes on here, the album doesn't sound dated whatsoever, and it puts Buckethead (arguably the greatest "underground" guitarist in the world) into the mainstream. Unfortunately, Axl thinks he can sing, and uses that awful voice of his as an instrument at times, trying to acapella intros and such - painful! Bottom line: it's worth the dough, but wasn't worth the wait. Also, 14 years and you've got a black and white picture of an old bicycle with a basket on the back? Could have been SO much better!

Additionally, Axl might sue Dr. Pepper. The soda manufacturer offered everyone in America a free paap if Chinese Democracy actually hit the streets in 2008. The overwhelming response to the coupon posted on the Dr. Pepper website crashed the site, and people blamed Axl. In other news, Americans are idiots!

On that note, I have a feeling that Obama is in a no-win situation. He's inherited a country that is crashing quickly, and if he can't turn crap into ice cream, the mouths of O'Reilly and Limbaugh will filet him. Not like the same thing wouldn't have happened to McCain - both would have been faced with an impossible task and an impatient country.

Patience is a virtue, unless it's Black Friday. In a story that make me absolutely sick, Long Islanders stampeded a Wal-Mart employee TO DEATH at 5AM just so they could get to the bargains fist. Where in God's world do people think they should behave like this?

15 seconds of hell for WHOM exactly? A deer hunter in MO shot and THOUGHT he killed a deer. Then when he approached the animal, it jumped up and started kicking the dude's ASS! Unfortunately, the hunter got the thing off him, and it died a few yards later after the hunter shot it 2 more times.

I’m Blogging Again!

2008-11-23T13:37:00.004-07:00

What? Why? Well, we’ve turned into THAT couple. The couple that, after their adorable son goes to bed, we sit on the couch next to each other and watch whatever we have on the DVR while we screw around on Facebook. I figured; why not take 20-30 minutes of that time to start spewing drivel again? Besides, every now and then I visit this blog to find some old article I wrote and I realize I used to be kind of funny! So, let’s get the creative juices flowing!

That’s what she said!

BTW, MS Word lists the word poppycock as a synonym for drivel. Heh! OK, so I’m feeling a little middle-school today.

Also, I think I’m going to start wearing a 10-gallon, shiny top hat like T-Pain. It will look GREAT with my new Carhartt bib overalls!

I’ve noticed something about the NFL this year: even with video replay, the officiating has been atrocious this season! My boys, the Broncos, have been involved in 2 plays, in either direction, that were just awful calls. Last week, the last-minute touchdown by the Steelers should have counted. Today, for some reason the 49ers v. Cowboys is the game in my area, and the refs missed a blatant pass interference call and blew-dead a fumble return for a touchdown without reviewing. Ugh – frustrating. Especially if you gamble, which I don’t. Heck, I didn’t even do a pick ‘em this year, but I will next year – I miss it!

I miss Omaha! A man called the butt bandit was recently for leaving greasy graphic imprints of his booty all over town. There wasn’t a safe window in the city! The man was apprehended after Omaha finally went nuts and purchased butt print identification software.

I’m not familiar with Pandas, but I’m not stoopid! This guy in China, well, is. He climbed into a Panda pen to cuddle with the cute little bear and then quickly got his @$$ kicked! See, Pandas are some mean MF’s!

Finally, since I’m obviously addicted to Facebook, here’s my favorite current status update: “BT cannot believe I'm allowing the kids to subject me to "Beverly Hills Chihuahua. . . . Uuuggghhh!”

Uuuggghhh indeed!!!

I Remember This Thing!

2008-11-08T13:23:00.005-07:00

Whoa! I have a BLOG! Kinda forgot, what with Facebook and all. Yep, I turned into a Facebook tool! Saw a BLOG subscriber and they were asking me to post pictures of Luc here, but my pictures are all on Facebook! So, here are the links to all the most recent albums. They should be viewable by anyone, but if not, then send me a Facebook friend request and we're good to go:

Luc's First Haircut

Luc and his Cousins

Luc is WALKING!

Also, it's been a while for this too, but here's a little stand-up from Freak Train in August (I know!). Now, before you go watching it in front of kids or co-workers, I, um, wouldn't. Just a hint - it has to do with body hair. Yeah. Note the gorgeous shirt from Mad Gringo! Enjoy:

And now - SPORTS!

Broncos: I predicted 7-9 and stuck with it even when they started "hot". That's in parenthesis because they never should have won the San Diego game - total gift! The defense kinda stinks, and they can't hang onto the ball on offense. Speaking of, do you think Brandon Marshall was dropping passes on Thursday because he was too busy thinking about what he was going to do after he scored? Apparently he had some political statement he wanted to make, even though the 15-yard penalty in a must-win game that was very close in the last 2:00 could have done in the team. What a maroon! Thank goodness for Brandon Stokely for stopping the celebration before it could begin. Remember Rod Smith and his complete lack of BS antics? I miss that! Although it seems Eddie Royal (total stud - Offensive Rookie of the Year) has his head on straight and never pulls that crap.

Nuggets: The return of Billips is a good thing, especially when we lose a ball-hog thug like Iverson in the exchange. I got no problem with that. And I find it funny that Antonio McDyess was crying YET AGAIN over the trade to the Nuggets. Didn't we have to beg him to play last time he came here? What a baby! Well, the Nugs bought out his contract so little Miss Hurt Feelings can go elsewhere. Good! The Nugs may re-sign Juwan Howard to take his place. Yes, I said re-sign - like the guy was actually on the team before the trade. Did anyone know this? Oh, and is it just me or does Kenyon Martin look like his grandmother just kissed him on his neck? I can't find a picture, but he has a big red circular tattoo on his neck that looks like lipstick. I'd complain about him and his thug-like appearance and antics, but off the court he's actually donating money and time to a foundation for kids with no father figure. If you know what I mean!

Avs: The critics were right - gonna be a tough year!

Ciao for now!

Dora!

2008-10-02T14:46:00.001-06:00

OK, so we watch a little bit of kids' TV now. And we HATE Dora and the way she yells at you, so we avoid it as much as possible. But I keep thinking of this whenever there is a commercial for it:

Enjoy!

Do Your Part

2008-09-25T20:15:00.003-06:00

I'm not political - I stay away as much as possible. However, while I was scrolling through some comments by people on AOL about some random political articles, well, it scared the crap out of me.

Americans are effing stupid.

Really!

Look, there's an election coming up here and there is a TON of misinformation on both candidates. The Internet is an evil tool where any complete moron can post whatever they want. Shut up! But I feel like I needed to post this because, well, I am very middle-of-the-road and felt like speaking out.

I want to say this: don't let anyone influence your opinion! Both candidates have their OWN website where you can read what their beliefs and ideas are on how they want to run this country. Do your research. Don't listen to the radicals on the radio, and don't read some buffoon's 1-sided opinion. The only people who get attention in the media are the extremists, and they don't represent 99% of the population. So why do they get the press?

Just do me a favor and make up your own mind. Watch the speeches from the conventions, watch the debates, and go out and vote for who YOU agree with the most. I know we all have a short attention span these days, but tough crap - pay attention, read and do some homework!

Politically Correct - Historically, um, NOT!

2008-09-24T21:04:00.004-06:00

Suddenly, Ernie Davis is famous again. Remember him? Not many people do, because he's, well, dead and stuff. However, he was famous for being the first black man to win the Heisman Trophy. I hate having to say "first black man to..." because it draws lines, but it did happen in 1959 so I won't argue that it was significant.

Ernie died just 4 years later of leukemia before he played a down for the Browns, and has recently been memorialized twice! A film about Ernie called The Express is coming out in October, and a statue was unveiled at Syracuse University last week. Great news about the film - I'm sure it will be very inspirational for many people of all races. Now the statue - that's another story.

Don't get me wrong - it's great that one was created in his honor. But have you seen it? Let's take a look at 2 pictures:

Yep - I'm starting at the foot. Look closely - that's a Nike cleat! Nike did not exist until 1972!

The cleat seems to be the big issue among bloggers, Sports Illustrated, ESPN... They are missing one other thing - picture #2:

Are you looking at the helmet? Does it look like it's from the late 50's to you? Ernie Davis wore a simple, 2-bar mask. That facemask didn't come out until at least the 80's, maybe later!

How much did this artist get paid to create this statue? What's next - Hitler wearing Emo skinny jeans?

Just Cool

2008-09-16T21:03:00.001-06:00

Trust me on this one:

Heh!!!

I'm Sorry

2008-09-15T21:43:00.002-06:00

Yes, I'm apologizing in advance for this video my nephew sent me, If you aren't laughing inside a minute, well you might have issues:

Enjoy!

A Little Disappointed...

2008-09-14T11:26:00.005-06:00

You know me - I love SNL. Really, watch it every week, tell my friends and co-workers about it, record it, save it to show other people who never come to my house, are you getting this???

So this/last weekend was the season premier, and I couldn't wait to see what these great writers came up with over the summer, because the talent and writing has been getting better recently. I know it immediately went down after Tina Fey left, but they were picking things up and getting 2-4 decent sketches each week. OK, mostly I have a huge thing for Kristen Wiig as she is the most talented person to star (yes, star) on that show in years. And they started the show out with a BANG!

Anyone who has seen a newspaper or turned on a TV in the last month knows who Sarah Palin is, and her stunning resemblance to Tina Fey. Naturally, Lorne Michaels brought back Fey as Palin and teamed her up with Amy Poehler as Hilary for a laugh-out-loud intro to the season. And it was pretty much downhill from there.

The host was Olympic champion Micheal Phelps, which means horrendous overacting and painful skits. Athletes should not host this show - period. Sure, every now and then you get one who can actually be a little funny and not so uncomfortable, but that is VERY rare. Phelps did not fall in to that category. Can't they use an ACTOR as the host and maybe give Phelps a cameo instead of cameos by William Shatner and Fey? That's backasswards to me.

After getting past the awkward monologue, SNL threw a few lame and recycled skits at us, which kind of pissed me off. The entire summer and we're rehashing the coach dancing to Herb Alpert? Literally an identical skit to when Peyton Manning was on the show. And I loved the original skit with the awkward twins, but trying to bring it back with Phelps as Wiig's cousin was, well, pathetic.

Andy Samberg gave us a painful digital short that was effect heavy, but short on comedy. Lil' Wayne made an ass out of himself with his pants literally falling off his ass, and Jared Vogel (Subway) added pretty much nothing to a skit ripping on how many calories Phelps consumes.

I was left feeling a little ripped off for waiting for this show all summer. Note to Michaels: actors and MUSICIANS would be nice. Forget the atheletes, forget the rap and lip-synching teen crap, and let's put a show together. Have some hot young actor like Michael Cera host the season premier, since he's got a new movie just weeks away. Reward some of the college radio bands that are on the verge, like you did once last season with Vampire Weekend. I'm still trying to forgive you for allowing Ashley Simpson on the show twice in one season. WTF was that? Oh, and how about some, ya know, original skits and recurring characters that actually SHOULD be brought back, not ones that only work with a specific host. How about 2 a-holes take swimming lessons skit when Phelps is your host? The only character that they brought back that I did like was political comedian Nicholas Fehn, played by Fred Armisen - I could watch that schtick all freakin' day!

I'll keep watching, because I'm hooked on Armisen and Wiig. But this show needs to get sharper very quickly - that was not a premier worth the hype.

Meanwhile, at the Mall...

2008-09-02T20:29:00.003-06:00

I'm not really a mall guy. I mean, I don't mind shopping and all, but crowds of people bug me. Seriously. But we were on a mission Sunday to find my wifey some boots, so we braved the crowd at Park Meadows and OH MY GOD the sights we saw!

Kids: Emo kids with ironed hair and skinny red jeans. Um, I don't get it. These kids are going to look back at pictures from now like I do when I see me in OP shorts with my boxers hanging out and tube socks pulled up all the way. Then there were powder jackets... I also saw a bigger kid dressed all street/ghetto. Big dumb white kid with his sideways cap, oversized shirts, jeans hanging down under his butt, walking with a limp as if his hand can barely keep his junk in line. Highlands Ranch kids are SO ghetto! Let me just say, if your mommy bought you a $42K Saab for your 16th birthday, you're hardly gangsta. Learn how to wear a hat and try to walk upright.

Brush with the law: We were checking out the new Borders store when my lovely wife accidentally bumped into an older black man. She quickly apologized, and he responded with, "do it again and it will cost you $500." Half laughing, because she honestly thought he was kidding, she informed the man he was barking up the wrong tree. He responded with, "whatever, rich white lady." Now, I'll admit, she was wearing her best Target bought clothes and all, but SERIOUSLY! Also, I fully understand that there are no boots at Borders, but there are Dr. Seuss books!

WTF are you wearing: Just because we're not swimming in money doesn't mean the dude in Borders was far off Target (pun intended!) with many people at the mall. Park Meadows mall is one of the best places to people watch, well, EVER because of the insanely rich idiots walking through. There was one woman in her 50's with a denim skirt so short you could tell what religion she is - really. It's not like she had knockout legs or anything, but this thing barely covered her whoo-whoo! Was she TRYING to scare children? Then there was another woman about the same age with big ol' fakies in a halter top, white Capri cargo pants with a sequin thong blatantly sticking out of the back - literally made me burst out laughing! I wonder if her $15K boobs could somehow make a difference elsewhere, like buying books for inner-city kids who don't have anything to read, or making a donation to the Food Bank of the Rockies where $1 buys 4 meals. Do the math - that's 60,000 meals for people on the streets who are down on their luck. But that's OK, as long as this woman has her self esteem...

Unfortunately, mission not accomplished, but entertainment values were very high!

Has it REALLY Been a Month?

2008-08-24T14:07:00.002-06:00

All Valley Freaky

2008-07-30T16:12:00.001-06:00

The latest video from Freak Train:

Thanks Dejo!

Fffrreeeeaaaakkkkk!!!

2008-07-27T10:09:00.002-06:00

Yep, here we go again!

FREAK TRAIN is Monday, 7/28 at the Bug Theatre on 37th and Navajo. Puppets? YES!

Doors open at 7, show starts at 8, $5 gets you in and the beer is FREE! Because you'll need it!

More info:

http://www.freaktrain.com/

http://www.bugtheatre.org/

See you there?

My Friends Know Me - WELL!

2008-07-16T21:47:00.003-06:00

Billy, Mark and Teresa have been telling me that I "HAVE to watch Flight of the Conchords! It is right up your alley - totally your sense of humor!"

Um, they pegged me! I LOVE IT! I've only watched the first disc from season one about the New Zealand musical duo trying to make it in New York, and I'm hooked. They have such a great knack for breaking into ridiculous songs and brilliant videos. Here are my favorites so far:

…Steve…

BINARY SOLO!

BOOM!

I have great friends!!!

Burried Treasure Indeed!

2008-06-22T09:30:00.002-06:00

It's flashback time - pun intended.

Remember the J. Geils Band? LOVED these guys and I still listen to Freeze Frame all the time (my baseball batter-up intro song is on there: "Insane, Insane Again"). Anyway, you may be wondering what happened to these guys after that very successful album. Well, lead singer Peter Wolf took a hike. The band went on to record one more album of new material, You're Gettin' Even While I'm Gettin' Odd, after Wolf left. He was not replaced, and keyboardist Seth Justman took over most of the vocal duties. The album produced only one single — "Concealed Weapons", which I again absolutely loved. In fact, I searched for this single for years and years and then finally found it on, um, Napster. Shhh! Anyway, the recording was full of vinyl pops, but it's still on my iPod because it's great! Don't believe me? Check out the cheesy video below! Even without Wolf, this song still sounds like it could be right off Freeze Frame!

Enjoy:

YAY!!! If anyone knows where I can find You're Getting Even, let me know! And NO I'm not paying $600 for the used import CD on Amazon!

I Just LOVE Them

2008-06-15T20:58:00.001-06:00

A few years ago you heard/read me drone on about how awesome the Grates are...and now their new single:

LOVE THEM!!!

Hey, Ahnuld! Hold on to Yer Chapeaux!

2008-05-29T19:06:00.002-06:00

So, the California Supreme Court has overturned their ban on gay marriage. To that I say - GOOD IDEA!

What, on an ethical level??? Well, that's for the right- and left-wing wacko's to fight out.

But on an ECONOMIC level, this is a grand slam dunk touchdown GOOOOAAALLLLL!!!!

Think about this for a second - (nod to Tina Fey) - gay people will have the most extravagant weddings EVER! Imagine the hoopla, flowers, outfits, cakes, decor, gifts... Must I go on?

Hundreds, er, THOUSANDS of gay people will flock to California to get hitched. Bed, Bath & Beyond will post banner numbers. Florist will be able to retire. Tux rentals will be sold out months in advance. Bakers will be getting carpal tunnel. Wedding planners will be millionaires.

So, states that need an economic boost - take note! You may have missed the window for the stimulus checks, but opportunities are still available! Jump on the bandwagon and get rich quick!

...Not that there's anything wrong with that...

New Puppet Video!

2008-05-19T20:21:00.002-06:00

From last month's Freak Train... Thanks SO much to the lovely and talented Dejo for recording and dubbing in the music, since the volume was WAY low at the show. Also a VERY BIG thanks to Heidi and Erika for assisting - they were BRILLIANT!!!

Enjoy:

WOOHOO!!!

All NEW PAFC Mugs!!!

2008-05-17T12:05:00.003-06:00

Check out the design for my new mugs and stein! Click on the picture above for a full-size view. Click one of the links below to purchase:

PAFC Mug $12.99

PAFC Large Mug $14.99

Stein $17.99

Awwwwww FREAK OUT!

2008-04-27T21:48:00.002-06:00

That's right - it's time for Freak Train! And I will not only be doing another puppet thing, but I even have a few people helping me!

Don't miss it!

Monday, 4.28.08 at the Bug Theatre on 37th and Navajo in Denver. Doors open at 7, show starts at 8, $5 gets you in and the beer is FREE! For more info and directions, visit www.bugtheatre.org

See you there!

Is It Me?

2008-04-11T21:59:00.006-06:00

Or is Miss USA 2008 not of this earth?

Maybe she's just related to someone familiar...

Whatever the case, all signs point to CREEPY!

Hey There!

2008-04-03T21:03:00.010-06:00

Yeah - been a while, I know. Anyway, um, how ya been? Good, good - me too! Yeah, busy and all...

So, I thought I'd do the obvious - add some pictures of Luc at Easter and stuff. You know the drill - click 'em and they get bigger...

Smiley baby!

Chillin' with my Nana in the Easter outfit my Nanny bought for me!

Mom and Dad lovin' the Monkin. Hey! How cool is my shirt? DAMN cool!

Gettin' around.

Wee - FEET!

Muggin' for the camera, as usual.

Mugging the camera!

Always trying to get the poor puppy's bone.

Yes? May I help you? Oh, that guy in the back is Bongo - he's my horsey.

Comin' atcha!

I got you, Momma!

Hey, if you got this far, you get a REWARD!

Previously, At Freak Train

2008-02-27T16:45:00.001-07:00

So you missed Freak Train, eh? No worries - the lovely and talented Dejo filmed my stand-up act based on an experience at Wal-Mart. Enjoy:

Still Standing!

2008-02-24T12:56:00.007-07:00

It's Freak Train time again! No puppets this month, but I just might do that Wal-Mart routine... The show is Monday, 2/25 at the Bug Theatre. Doors at 7, show starts at 8, $5 cover and FREE BEER! Hope to see ou there!

Oh, and here's that adorable child of mine! Click the pictures and they get bigger, like Obama's lead over the dirty ho-bag Hillary! Ya know, if you have a Face Book account and send me a friend request, you can see ALL of my pics! Plus, you can take my Name That Muppet quiz! Just do it!!!

Post #501! That's Right!

2008-02-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that silly Sarah Silverman video I posted last week was my 500th post? Let's celebrate! Or, let's just add another post!

It's been a busy few weeks - 2 conferences and travel have kinda worn me out, and I missed my family quite a bit! But I think I can finally get back to reality now - heh.

Speaking of reality, thank GOD Lost is back to save us from the horrendous reality TV that has taken over since the writers strike. First, Lost is so effed up on a regular basis that I simply love it. Every week I turn to Katy and say, "WTF is going on?" After they killed off the spider bite idiots a ways back, the show has gone back to brilliant - this season included! YAY! Too bad it's going to be a shortened season, or is it???

In other news, step one is admitting I have a problem - and I do. I am addicted to The Soup on E! However, watching it kind of scares me. Mostly because I think the media won't be happy until they literally kill Britney Spears. They've already driven her insane, but they won't back off - they just keep harassing her. I'm not about to post a gay video begging for them to leave her alone, but come on already! It has gone from mildly entertaining to absolutely pathetic. It scares me that people actually watch TMZ and visit their web site. This coming from someone who watches Maury on a regulr basis! More things that scare me?

The return of American Gladiators and Knight Rider, Hilary Clinton, any show or movie that puts children in bad situations, Amy Winehouse, unscripted late night TV talk show hosts (wow!), young girls might watch Juno and think it's a good idea to get pregnant and give up their child for adoption just to be seen as a herione, Paris Hilton thought it was actually an honor to recieve Harvard Lampoon's Woman of the Year award, death and destruction are the only things that qualify as "news" anymore, we have obviously not learned our lesson because we are going to Wal-Mart again on a Sunday, on that note - people with mullets, pepperoni pizza from Black Jack, and I may never get real money from the woman who dinged up my car but agreed to actually pay for it.

Until next time...

OK, This is Brilliant

2008-02-02T09:26:00.001-07:00

Not exactly something you want blaring through the speakers at work, but...

Yeah!!

A Little Editing...

2008-02-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

Hey!

So, I edited a few things on this site today. I have fixed the links to other blogs so they are separated better, and I added all of my recorded performances.

Check 'em out!

28 Days Later...

2008-01-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

I know - Christmas was, like, 4 weeks ago. But I finally got around to loading the pictures off of our camera, so...

You know the drill - click 'em and they grow like the point spread for the Super Bowl...

It's our first traditional Christmas waffle breakfast!

I wanna open presents, Momma!

Cici got some tockies! Or, um, Alysse got socks, so...

Ooo - Tums!

A new toy for the Monkin!

Uwe wants to open presents too!

I WANT IN!

Slippers! Not stinky yet, but soon!

Luc gets an ornament with his name on it! This was an unbelievably thoughtful gift from my co-worker, Meredith in our Florida office! Thank you SO much!!!

Read to me, Cici!

YAY! Now I can listen to my iPod in the car!

Katy gets enough stink-pretty stuff to last a very long time!

What did I get, Cici?

New PJ's!

YAY for Sudoku!

Katy gets a phone we already have with a bunch of eyes drawn on the box...

Inside the box is a class to learn how to use an iPhone, something she wants for her birthday...

Wait - IT'S AN IPHONE!!! Someone must have been a good girl this year!

Our first Christmas with Luc.

I'm worn out! Need to nap with my Penguino before we go to Nana's.

YAY for Nana's!

Nana looks on as Uncle John checks out his new boots.

Luc gets a bean bag chair with his name on it!

Our little gift!

Back home! I can look at this picture for hours!

Look how fast I can bang on my new boom box!

Time for night-night in my new PJ's.

I know I posted horsey pics already, but come on!

The rest of these are from our second Christmas celebration at Nanny's (my mom, as Nana is Katy's mom - the kid will be confused) from the first of the year...

Claire and Danny and their elephant gift cards!

The two most beautiful babies ever!

Arie gets a, um, stick?

You gotta know when to hold 'em - KNOW WHEN TO FOLLLDDD 'EM!

Arie tests his dad's beard.

I'm gonna pay for posting this pic - I kind of snuck up on my dad here.
Don't worry, I'll make an ass of myself soon enough...

Arie gets a hand-knitted lid from his Aunt Cynthia!

Just so cute!

Danny loves this new piece of fabric!

Alysse attempts to break into her gag-gift from Uncle Tony.

IT'S... One of those!

See? I told you I'd make an ass out of myself!
Somehow Katy isn't running away screaming!

YAY! We're not afraid of Uncle Rich anymore!

My brother Tony in disbelief over my gift to him - a full sheet
of Wacky Pack stickers from 1979!

Cynthia's gag-gift to us - a Santa and Mrs. Claus tree with our faces attached.

The girls: Michele, Katy, Rachel, Claire and Cynthia.

Thanks for looking - see you again soon!

Inspiration for Next Year?

2008-01-09T17:40:00.001-07:00

The PAFC Pick 'Em 2007 contest has come to a close! I got a little generous this year.

You see, only the top 4 people were supposed to get prizes, but then I had two people tied for 2nd and two more people tied for 4th, so here's what I did.

BOTH 2nd place finishers got the 2nd place prize, and BOTH 4th place finishers got the 3rd place prize - that means the 6th place dude got the 4th place prize - and some!

Take a look so you'll be inspired to play, or play better next year!

Click the pics for a bigger and better view!

6th Place:
Jim won himself Great Covers Vol. 1 and a Pocket Pro helmet of his choice - that would be the Dallas Cowboys!

4th Place:
Mike won Great Covers Vol. 1 & 2, a Pocket Pro helmet of his choice (the Denver Broncos), & a PAFC football mug with his name on it!

4th Place:
Loren won Great Covers Vol. 1 & 2, a Pocket Pro helmet of his choice (the Dallas Cowboys), & a PAFC football mug with his name on it!

2nd Place:
Geoff won Great Covers Vol. 1, 2 & 3, a Micro helmet of his choice (the Denver Broncos), & a large PAFC football mug with his name on it!

2nd Place:
Morgan won Great Covers Vol. 1, 2 & 3, a Micro helmet of her choice (the Chicago Bears), & a large PAFC football mug with her name on it!

1st Place:
Dejo won Great Covers Vol. 1, 2, 3 & 4, a Mini helmet of his choice (the Edmonton Eskimos), & a PAFC football stein declaring him as the 2007 PAFC Pick 'Em CHAMPION!!!

For all that played - thanks for playing! Also, a big thanks to Derek for creating the cool image for the mug! He gave me that gift to use as a banner for my blog last year. He's a stud, I tell ya!

I hope you had fun and will join me next year. I mean, who else would give away THESE kind of prizes in a FREE football pool? Am I high?

Luc is ROCKIN' OUT!

2008-01-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

Luc got himself a new rocking horse for Christmas - and it is eff ewe enn FUN!

Click the pics and they get bigger...

Whoop - where did he go?

THERE he is!

I don't need any help, Daddy -nice pants!

OK, getting a little dizzy!

YAY! Fun horsey!

Cutest cowboy ever!

Pat Angello Comedy Videos

2008-01-01T13:27:00.002-07:00

Here are clips of some of my standup and other, um, "comedic" performances. These are in reverse chronological order so you don't have to scroll when I update this page:

Body Hair Issues:

Wal-Mart experience:

A 5-minute talk show:

Back from the dead with a woeful set on the worst night ever at Freak Train:

Random crap stuck in my head:

Pee Wee Herman Interpretive Dance:

Freak Train - NOT the place for Football Humor:

My impression of Jerry Seinfeld at the age of 5:

Pat Angello Puppet Videos

2008-01-01T13:15:00.002-07:00

Here are my puppet performances so far, in reverse chronological order because, well, when I update this page you won't have to scroll for the latest...

Valley Girl never looked so scary:

With a little help from my friends:

Yeah, dressed like a chick again! Kelly Clarkson's Walk Away:

Weird Al makes for GREAT Puppets! This is the Bohemian Polka:

Here I helped out Lin with the One Eyed, One Horned Flying Purple People Eater:

My favorite so far - Extreme's Get the Funk Out:

Who doesn't love a guy in a dress? Here is Morningwood's Nth Degree:

The original - Frank Zappa's You Are What You Is:

A Cool Video from Billy

2007-12-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this is pretty nifty!

Heh!

I Know it's Early, But...

2007-12-19T12:17:00.001-07:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

See you in 2008!

God Help us All!

2007-12-18T21:54:00.001-07:00

OK, when the TV writers went on strike, I was a little concerned - mostly for some new, good shows that might lose traction after half a season. But then I realized that horrendous game shows/reality shows would start to take over. Are you kidding me? American Gladiators is back? Crowned? Clash of the effing Choirs???

There is one good thing coming out of this - a new top 11 list! That's right!

I present to you, the Top 11 Reality Shows That Never Made It, But Now Will Because of the Writers Strike:

11) Sounds that Dad Makes

10) Ultimate Paint Drying!

9) Dwarf Tossing With The Stars

8) Are You Smarter than Paris Hilton?

7) Wig or Not a Wig?

6) Extreme Office Cube Makeover

5) Name That Nipple Slip

4) Retirement Home X-Games

3) Dude or Not a Dude?

2) What Would Lindsey Lohan Do?

1) Infant Challenge

eComedy - a Trip to Wal-Mart!

2007-12-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

So, my wife and I went to Wal-Mart the other day...

Don't judge me! Wal-Mart is cheap, we have a kid now and it's the only place in town where you can get apples, a power tool and live goldfish all under one roof. Besides, where else can you be greeted by a toothless 87-year-old woman with a walker and an oxygen tank?

"Can I get you a cart, young man?"

"Um, I'm not sure you actually CAN. Besides, I have to work tomorrow so..."

Do you need an AARP card to get hired there? There's a guy in the electronics department "helping" me figure out the difference between two HD compatible DVD players when I know damn well that he has a 20-year-old VCR at home that's flashing 12:00!

I actually did go in there to look at power tools. I needed a drill, and someone told me that if I went with a cordless one I should get an 18 volt, blah, blah, blah. So the cordless 18 volters are pretty expensive - even for Wal-Mart. So I looked at everything on display, found a great, inexpensive drill with a cord, then tried to find it in a box as all display models are tied down and not for purchase. Well, the only drills I could find in boxes were cordless drills. So, I made the mistake of asking someone for help. The first person I asked, an older gentleman (SHOCK!), said that it wasn't his department, "But that man right there can help you." He pointed at someone who could have been his father. Anyway, as the geezer crept over to the display, we simply asked him where the boxed versions of the drills with cords were since none of them were available for purchase.

"Uh, I dunno."

"Do you have them in the back somewhere?"

"Nah, I think we're out."

"Are there more coming in?"

"Not sure - I just work weekends."

It was about that time that my wife saw me start to twitch like I was going to smack this guy. Recognizing the situation, she pulled me away, thanked the guy (for what I have no idea), and asked me if I wanted to play a game.

Have you ever played slug-bug as a kid? Ya know, you spot a VW Beetle on the road, yell, "SLUG-BUG ORANGE!" Then you punch the other person in the arm. Oh, and if you see a VW Van it's worth 2 punches, etc. So we have a Wal-Mart version of this game:

Someone wearing camouflage = 1 punch
Someone in NASCAR clothing = 1 punch
Guy with a mullet = 1 punch
Lady mullet = 2 punches
Kid with a rat tail = 2 punches
Kid in pajamas = 3 punches
Guy wearing mom jeans = well, you both drop the gloves and beat the crap out of THAT guy for committing the ultimate fashion faux pas!

Within 3 minutes we had to call a truce because our arms hurt too badly to push the cart!

So we decide to take our 12 items and check out. Let me set the scene: it's Sunday, 10:45, and the Broncos play at 11:00. There are honestly 200 people waiting in line to check out, and only 5 lanes open! OK, so we have less than 15 items, the self-checkout says, "15 items or less, please." Not a chance - that line is wrapping around the jewelry counter.

Time out:

Guys, if you are buying jewelry for your woman at Wal-Mart, then she has permission to take whatever you have purchased there and shove it right up yer ass! Come on! That stuff is for 15-year-olds hoping to see boobies for the first time!

Also, there's always that one woman in the self-checkout line that takes the word "please" as a suggestion. You know the one I mean. She probably drives a Mercedes SUV, standing there in her designer sweats, talking on her cell phone, with 75 items spilling out of her cart. Then she decides this would be a good time to teach her 5-year-old daughter how to use the scanning machine. The machine says,"Please scan your first item." The little girl scans it, then skips around the cart to put in the bag - THERE'S NO TIME! Anyone who uses these self-scanners knows you have to quickly put the item in the bag - it even instructs you to do that. "Please put the item in the bag." Time is running out! "Please wait for cashier assistance." Son of a! God forbid the woman take over for the kid, because then it's time for the spoiled little monster to throw a fit on the floor!

OK, self checkout is out.

So we pick a lane - one of the first ones we see. I pull out my telescope and see the cashier only to witness him scan an item, look at that item, pick up a sheet of paper, look at the paper, look back at the item, pull his glasses down on his nose a little, look at the paper, then the item, then the paper, then finally drop the item in the bag. He literally does this with 5 straight items!

I start to twitch; we switch lanes.

So now I'm in a lane, and you know the lanes are staggered... Don't sit there and think, "No, I don't know - I shop at Target!" Screw you, they are staggered there as well - shut it! Anyway, our cashier is far up there and we finally pull parallel to the cashier in the lane next to us. She is a brittle old woman, like a shaky Nancy Reagan. She's slowly scanning things with her quivering little hands, "Oh my, this is heavy!" It's a loaf of bread...

So a younger employee (that could mean just about anything here, but we'll say she's in her 20's) comes up, taps Nancy Reagan on her shoulder and relieves her. Mind you, she didn't open another lane, just relieved the speed demon. Why open another lane? We can wait an hour to checkout - no problem!

The customer thanks the cashier for taking over, since Nancy was obviously in no hurry. Then the customer asks why there aren't any more lanes open when it's so busy. The cashier replied, "Well, out of the 120 people who applied to work here last month, only 8 passed their drug test."

EIGHT!!!

In my little town of Castle Rock!

What the cashier failed to mention was, they test for Viagra, Lipitor, Cialis... The last thing you want is to walk into Wal-Mart and be greeted by an old geezer sporting wood!

Why Not?

2007-12-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

A Time for Giving

2007-12-05T14:28:00.001-07:00

It's a stressful time of year - a time where we all are trying to fight through crowds at shopping malls and stay within a budget because there are SO many people we need to buy gifts for. Kids, friends, parents, siblings - it adds up quickly! Well, we've being doing something a little different in our families for the last few years. Instead if trying to find the perfect $25 gift for every sibling and sibling-in-law, we have 2 traditions that are less stressful and make us feel a little better about where our money goes:

In Katy's family, each sibling is "assigned" a type of stocking stuffer. Each sibling also finds a charity to donate money to - no specific amount, but we try to go with the cost of one very nice gift.
In my family, we draw names and then give that person a gag gift that costs less than $20. It turns out to be a lot of fun, and we also have money available to donate to a charity as well.

So this helps us stay inside a smaller budget, and we feel like we've done something meaningful. I mean, do we as adults really want to receive a slew of inexpensive gifts just to get SOMETHING, or would we rather enjoy our time together and do something worth while?

This year, I think we've found something a little different to donate to - and I blame ESPN. Why? Because ESPN has been celebrating the life of Jim Valvano, or Jimmy V, the former coach of the NC State Wolfpack. He first became famous for pulling off a huge upset to win the national title in 1983, then later because of his well-known battle with cancer. This battle led to the development of the Jimmy V Foundation, an organization that raises money for cancer research.

Because of ESPN running Jim Valvano's speech at the 1993 ESPY Awards, I realized what a great man he was - that's when I decided that I want to give to this charity. I haven't exactly asked Katy if this is where we want to go yet, but the following video might help. To show you exactly why I'm so inspired, please watch his speech below as he receives the Arthur Ashe Courage Award:

Now, once upon a time, back in 1992, someone came up to me at the music store I was working at and told me I resembled Jimmy V. Hey, at the age of 23, I was a little offended to be compared to a guy dying of cancer. Today, if someone told me the same thing, I'd hope that someday I could resemble the charisma and inspiration tha Jimmy V possessed.

It's Official!

2007-12-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

Today, 12/3/07, we officially and legally adopted our son, Luc Anthony Angello!

11

2007-11-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

That's my favorite number. I don't know why really. I mean, I never had it as a number playing sports when I was growing up, and never really "used" it until recently. I guess I think I'm funny when people say, "I have a question for you..." and my answer is immediately, "11" before they actually ask the question. It makes no sense, and I'm a nerd - whatever.

However, today the number 11 means something. In fact, 11 years ago today - 11/28/96 - I had a date. A first date, actually.

It was Thanksgiving day and I had dinner at my sister's house. After dinner, I went to pick up a girl I knew a long time ago. We ran into each other at an Avs game and exchanged phone numbers. After hitting it off on the phone, we decided to go to a movie on Thanksgiving after dinner. So, after my pumpkin pie, I headed to pick her up and take her on our first date.

When I arrived at her mom's house, I was greeted by an adorable 7-year-old girl who asked me, "Are you Patrick or Jell-o?" You see, my last name is pronounced an-jell-o, so her cute little joke was a play on Patrick AND Jell-o. She worked on that joke all day. I was then introduced to my date's "brother and sister" who were Kenyans and black as coal. I was a little thrown, but stood my ground when asked by the man for the number of cows I had to offer for my date. If I was thinking, I would have answered 11! I think I said 3, but that was before I really knew who I was dating.

We went to see Sleepers with Kevin Bacon. Not exactly a great movie for a date, but we had a good time. That theater is now a Marshall's. My date told me how she invented the game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" a long time ago, but actually called it Nicholas Cage. I did the popcorn trick. Um, no - the OTHER popcorn trick. I hold a piece of popcorn just under one nostril, inhale through my nose and let go. It stays put until I stop inhaling, then I stick out my tongue, catch and consume. I know, what a catch I am!

When I brought my date back to her mom's house, we kissed on the driveway. OK, she essentially molested me on her mom's driveway. Anyway, we saw each other the next night.

And the next.

And the next.

And the next.

Soon I was driving downtown every night, staying at her apartment until 2-3 AM, then heading home to get to work at 7 AM. Sleep? Who needs that when you are in love?

We moved in together in February, were engaged by June, and married the following May.

So today, on our 11-year anniversary of our first date, I have something to say:

Katy, I love you more than anything ever. Words cannot express how lucky I feel to have found such a wonderful person to spend the rest of my life with. Thank you for all of the fun we have and for just being everything I always wanted in a soulmate.

I love you more than soup!

Patrick

I am NOT a Freak!

2007-11-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

Although I want to be...

Anyway, I STILL can't get my $^!+ together for Freak Train on Monday, 11/26.

I know, I know, I KNOW!

Anyway, the 4-puppet act will just have to wait until January...

From Afar - No, Further!

2007-11-18T07:23:00.001-07:00

I was on AOL and was tempted by the cheerleader pictures. Until...

As I began to click on the pictures, and the pictures increased in size (that's what she said), I was extremely disappointed! I mean, how hard is it to find cute cheerleaders in the NFL? No wonder the fans sit so far away! Keep the binoculars in the bag, fellas - these girls should be kept at a distance! Well, at least most of them should.

You know the drill, click the picture and it gets bigger - if you dare!

If you can get past the cleavage here, this girl looks like she's pinchin' a growler!

It's Mrs. Ed! Clomp, clomp, clomp! I think Budweiser found a new Clydesdale!
I wonder if her feet are furry?

Pick one? Maybe the second from the left. Otherwise, I don't even know what to say!

Apparently the Baltimore Ravens are an equal opportunity employer. Yikes!

Look beyond the fake boobs, guys. I can wait. Come on, you can do it!

Send in the clowns...

This girl couldn't make the Creighton squad - and that's saying something!

Did Ellen get hair extensions and go to work as a beer wench in Minnesota?

"Oh...My...GOD! Chandlah Bing!"

OK, I live in Denver and I know for a fact that this is NOT the best we have to offer!

I can't really tell if this girl is cute or not because I can't get past the hideous outfit the Bengals have forced upon her! Painful!

Not bad, but this IS San Francisco after all!

The Indy chicks are looking pretty good...

Well, DUH - it's Dallas. I mean, come on! These girls don't need heads because nobody can look up from those tiny little shorts they wear!

There are white people in Atlanta? Who knew?

Hello Tampa! Yowza!

(Insert indecent Redskin joke here)

Oh my God! The hottest girl in this entire set is from PHILLY???

Get OUT!

There - that was a fun little waste of time now wasn't it?

Note To Self:

2007-11-17T20:46:00.001-07:00

I am too old and out of shape to play football with people 20 years younger.

Guh!

Ankle hurts, back hurts, arm hurts, can't breathe real well right now - and it was touch!

Hey, at least I've still got my hair! W00T!

Overheard at the local Wal-Mart

2007-11-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

OK, first of all, don't judge us for shopping at Wal-Mart. I know, it's evil - whatever! We have a baby and the place is cheap. Granted their employees lack in, well, pretty much everything. I found a great new drill that I wanted to buy, but there was only a display model. In fact, all of the drills that had cords only had display models - no inventory. Maybe they were kept somewhere else? So, we asked. "Uh, I dunno - I think we're out of 'em." Us, "Do you have more coming in?" Wally, "We might - I dunno. I only work weekends."

But wait, that wasn't the best part of our trip!

I think I counted 27 people in camouflage - all genders and all ages!

Wait, that wasn't the best part either!

During our 45 minute wait in line to buy 15 items (stoopid 10-item limit at the "speedy checkout"! BTW, Katy made a joke that the guy behind us had a clean-shave when he got in line - I turned around and he looked like professor Dumbledore, but less gay), I overheard the cashier in the line next to us explain why the lines were long and there weren't enough checkout lanes open. She said, "Out of the 120 people who applied to work here last month, 8 passed their drug test."

That's right - EIGHT! I'm not missing any numbers, I didn't mistype, and I'm as blown away as you are! That is less than 7% of potential Wal-Mart employees that can pass a drug test! In Castle Rock no less!

Now I know why the majority of Wal-Mart employees are AARP members.

Happy Halloween, Ya Sonsa-

2007-10-31T21:58:00.000-06:00

Click the pics and they GROW!

It's me as the Swedish Chef, Katy as a Mom Witch and Luc the Monkey!

Um, Luc the MONKEY!

Mom Witch and her little Monkey!

And now, Derek Knight as the Spooky Singing Ghost:

Quick Pics o the Boy!

2007-10-29T19:06:00.001-06:00

Look what I can do!

Cool, man...

Punkin in the punkins!

OK, Maybe Not!

2007-10-25T21:23:00.001-06:00

I was going to perform this week, but it just ain't gonna happen!

First, the open mic night at Java Guru, which is supposed to take place on the last Friday of the month (10/26), has been moved to 11/2. So that's still a maybe.

Second, Freak Train has a few issues: A) MNF with Broncos and Pack, and possible (please) Rox game on the same night. B) I simply am not ready. I could have been ready if the punk kid at Music Go Round didn't lie to me on the phone when I called looking for a used hi-hat stand. He claimed they had 2 in stock starting around $25. So I drive all the way from C-Rock to Aurora for...NOTHING! They had NOTHING in stock! A 50-minute drive for nothing! An apology? No, just dumb-founded idiots!

So, for anyone living in the Denver metro area, STAY AWAY FROM MUSIC GO ROUND! It doesn't matter what used gear they carry, go somewhere - anywhere else!

Now that I got that off my chest, Freak Train FOR SURE in November - with FOUR effing puppets! That's right!

Happy Halloween, ya bunch of freaks!

Fall TV - Nerds RULE!

2007-10-15T22:34:00.000-06:00

OK, I swear to write about something other than Beauty & the Geek...

No, really - it's all about the nerds this season, at least for me it is. Here's what we're watching/DVRing:

Sunday:

Desperate Housewives - still trying to recapture their magic from season one, the show is better than last year, but not quite as entertaining as the first season.

Family Guy - just because, ya know, it's there.

Monday:

Chuck - I have to admit, I hated the print ads for this show. If I had to look at Chuck with that stupid, "What? I'm just an average nerd who doesn't know what's happening to me!" look, I was gonna puke. Then I watched the show and just fell in love with it. Great characters all around, and it's executive produced by McG (Charlie's Angels) who loves a good, hot cat fight - every week! The show is well done all around, and I get a kick out of the play on Best Buy's Geek Squad with Buy More's Nerd Herd.

How I Met Your Mother - still a fun show, mostly because of Barney!

Big Bang Theory - a fun new sitcom full of more nerds. Two brainiacs (I stole that from their website!) have a new, hot neighbor across the hall and one brainiac thinks he's got a shot. No matter what, their buddy Howard (Simon Helberg from Studio 60) absolutely steals the show. Good stuff!

Heroes - 'nuff said!

Rules of Engagement - OK, I'm in love with Megyn Price and I'm not afraid to admit it! Besides, Patrick Warburton is pretty entertaining as well with his signature delivery.

Journeyman - so far, not bad. There are some interesting twists each week and you never feel like you've got it all figured out. The acting isn't great, but the plot makes up for it.

CSI: Miami - this..................is the only CSI I still care about.

Tuesday:

Beauty & the Geek - shuddap - there's nothing else on!

Reaper - more nerds doing the Devil's work. They had me when they used a song by !!! (Chk, Chk, Chk) in the pilot.

Um, did I just say I was watching 2 CW shows? Wow!

House - still pretty interesting, but too many cast members now.

Wednesday:

Pushing Daisies - quirky and a little off, and includes another nerd! Anyway, maybe there is a point to bringing people back to life simply to touch them back to death within a minute. Um...

Private Practice - this is my wife's actually. I have watched the show with her, and it's OK. Not great, but she enjoys it. We both agree that the creators of Grey's Anatomy are stretching themselves thin on both shows and it, well, shows in the dialogue.

Criminal Minds - gave it up because 1) it was too gruesome and 2) Mandy left the show.

Bionic Woman - started to watch it, and appreciate the plot, but the dialogue is written by a 3rd grader, who is NOT smarter than a 5th grader, so, um, no.

Kitchen Nightmares - scar, and I don't have room for it.

Dirty, Sexy Money - YES! This is a pretty fun dramedy with just about anything you could ask for. Peter Krause ROCKS!

Thursday:

Ugly Betty - gave it up. Liked it, but didn't absolutely love it.

My Name is Earl - still cracks me up. Car spoon!

30 Rock - another of the few great sitcoms.

Grey's Anatomy - again, my wife's show. Her theory is that once you hit the top, there's nowhere to go but down. She still appreciates the show, but thinks they are losing it just a little.

The Office - gets bigger and better every week - that's what she said.

So that's about it! We just use Friday to get caught up on everything we recorded. Oh, and I'm still addicted to SNL.

Can I Be Frank?

2007-10-07T21:22:00.000-06:00

I wish!

For those of you who have been watching any post-season baseball on TBS*, you've probably seen ads for a new show called Frank TV. This show stars a comedian named Frank Caliendo, who is a darned good impersonator. The promos for his new series show him impersonating people like John Madden, George W., Al Pacino, etc. Anywho, as you may or may not have seen, I've been doing an impression of Jerry Seinfeld at the age of 5** - twice at Freak Train***. The clip is on You Tube, and, um, I've got the link around here somewhere... Hang on a second, THER- no, ummm, ah-HA - HERE IT IS! So, you can watch if you want, or not, but I'd like you to at least look at the comments section - people are actually comparing me to this Frank guy! His link will probably be just to the right of my video so you can check him out as well. Anyway, I think my impression is pretty good, so he needs to invite me on his show and we can do duelling Jerrys on his show!

I feel like I'm a tearful "Leave Owen Wilson ALONE" rant away from my own reality show!

--------

*The disappointment in the voices of the TBS broadcasters after learning the NLCS would feature two NL West teams was absolutely pathetic. Forget promoting the Cinderella run of the Rockies, or the fact that BOTH the Rox and the D-Backs were not good teams last year (NL West basement dwellers at 76-86) and have been able to turn things around this season. Hell, these idiots on TBS have no clue who any of these players are, and weren't even trying to figure it out - they all assumed their presence was a mistake that would be taken care of by the end of the first round! I know for a fact that all their announcers predicted the Phillies would beat the Rox, but our boys swept the cheesesteak eating bastards! HA! Deal with THAT, Cal Ripken Jr.!!!

**This impression just might happen again, with even MORE impressions to follow, at the next open-mic night at Java Guru in C-Rock (Friday, October 26th).

***Yeah, I repeated a skit! Why? Well, because I didn't record it the first time. Unfortunately, the first one was better than this recorded one. Maybe I was nervous because I was being recorded, or maybe I just pushed a few jokes too hard. Regardless, this isn't the best delivery of this routine. Oh, speaking of Freak Train, puppets will return to Freak Train on Monday, October 29th!

More Pics O' the Kid(s)

2007-09-27T20:37:00.000-06:00

Click them and they grow ya know...

Cici liked her birthday gift - CA$H

In his blanky

With Momma

Monster hat

Rockies Fever?

2007-09-20T21:53:00.000-06:00

Well, believe it or not, with just about 10 days left in the MLB season, the Colorado Rockies are actually still in the hunt for a playoff spot! After completing a 4-game sweep of the Dodgers, the Rox stand 4.5 games behind the Padres who simply keep winning. It's a long shot, but it's still a shot. The Rox start a 3-game series in San Diego this weekend and could make some noise.

Also, there is talk around town and even in SOME national media about Matt Holliday as a candidate for NL MVP. He leads the NL in hits (205) and RBI's (131), is 2nd in batting average (.339) and slugging percentage (.614), is 4th in home runs (36) and runs (112), is 8th in on-base percentage (.402) and I think I've made my point. As impressive as this all looks, there is no way in hell he will win the MVP. And so, I give you a new top 11 list!

Top 11 Reasons Matt Holliday Will NOT Win the MVP:

11) He plays in Colorado

10) He plays in Colorado
9) He plays in Colorado

8) He plays in Colorado

7) He plays in Colorado

6) He plays in Colorado

5) He plays in Colorado

4) He plays in Colorado

3) He plays in Colorado
2) He plays in Colorado

1) He plays in Colorado

Could Rockies' short stop Troy Tulowitzki win NL Rookie of the Year? Um, see above!

Either way, go Rox - make some noise and scare some teams!

50?

2007-09-19T14:33:00.000-06:00

OK, a little late on this post here, but my parents celebrated their 50 year wedding anniversary on 8/31 (ironically, my brother-in-law's 50th birthday as well)! One of the gifts from the kids (that would be me, my brother, my sister and our spouses) was a framed picture of the grandkids above. From left, Claire, Arie, Rachel, Luc, Danny.

Click it and it gets bigger!

Reward for Reading This Post!

2007-09-18T19:57:00.000-06:00

It's a MONKEY! OK, not really, but sorta!

Anyway, the new look blog? Anyone? Bueller?

Question: Is there a BETTER reality TV show than Beauty and the Geek?

Answer: HELLS NO! The geeks are beyond geeky and the beauties are dumber than rocks! Watching Dave (the LARPER -Live Action Role Player) enter the room with such theatrics(he also carries duct tape on his belt - bonus), and listening to Katie explain that her fake boobs are an investment because men will buy her so many drinks that they will eventually pay for themselves (and her talents include finding Waldo in the "Where's Waldo" books), and Luke not be able to finish sentences because he gets so nervous, and Natalie explaining she is the Ultimate Hooters Girl (not to mention that she can tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue, but who can't?) - it just doesn't get any better, or real. Seriously, this is the only reality show where people are THEMSELVES and learn how to treat people equally. It's painful and brilliant all at once. Whoda thunk Ashton Kutcher was such a genius?

Random TV thoughts, other than a quickly coming Fall Preview!

Why is Taco Bell using "I'll Melt With You" as a song for food? What is this world coming to? Wait, there's more...

Viva Viagra? Seriously???

The Hives are actually in Nike commercial that I've never actually seen on TV?

How freaky is the Heineken girl with the keg coming out of her gut?

Whatever happened to the sitcom?

Could Britney been any more lethargic? Hmm - idea for the next Freak Train: dress in black sequence panties and bra with fishnets and blond wig and wander around stage to Britney's new song as if I almost care!

Pam the receptionist is single! Nice! Wait, I'm not, so someone I know better go after her.

Ridiculously fun DVD's: Hot Fuzz, Borat, Blades of Glory.

Our Honda CRV is effing AWESOME! I love the way it drives, the mileage, the iPod plugin, and everything else about it!

Oh, and speaking about the iPod - I finally have all of my CD's on my Pod - almost 13,000 songs. It's so freakin' cool to have all of the music that I own at my fingertips. We listened to it on shuffle play all the way to Telluride and back last-last weekend.

Finally, the boy is eating cereal now! Wanna see? OK, then HERE'S YOUR REWARD - HIS FIRST ATTEMPT AT EATING CEREAL AND GETTING SPOON-FED! Please excuse the bouncy camera - I was laughing too hard!

Enjoy!

The All New PAFC!

2007-09-17T20:46:00.000-06:00

Well, HEY - I changed the whole look and feel of the blog! What do you think?

The only REAL problem so far is I lost almost all of my links - there are some I can't remember, and would like to add back. If I linked to you and don't have you listed anymore, don't take it personally! I'm just kinda, ya know, dumb.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts and send me some fun linky-poos!

How about a few Luc pics while I'm here?

Mmm - cereal!

Nekkid baby!!!

Various Video Vriday

2007-08-30T20:55:00.000-06:00

Hey, let's have some fun!

1) 2 Minutes of Cuteness:

2) Motorhead with Barbies (Thanks, Collin!):

3) Motorhead goes bluegrass:

4) NOT SAFE FOR WORK! The "talk" from Weeds:

Luc Pics - AGAIN!

2007-08-28T20:20:00.001-06:00

Our little 13th freak!

Click the pics and they grow!

You Think Yer Funny?

2007-08-26T15:02:00.000-06:00

OK, I know it's been a while, but the comedy is BACK! That's right, Pat Angello (um, that's me) will be performing TWICE this week!

Freak Train - Monday, 8/27 at the Bug Theatre on 37th & Navajo in Denver. Doors at 7, show starts at 8, $5 gets you in, FREE BEER! Oh, and it's their 8th anniversary!!!
Open Mic - Friday, 8/31 at Java Guru on Trail Boss off Founders Parkway in Castle Rock. Show starts around 7:30. No charge to get in, great food, great drinks, local comedians!

Take yer pick, or check out both! Hey, I've got 2 different sets!

Hope to see you this week,

PA

PAFC Pick 'Em 07 UPDATE!

2007-08-19T20:00:00.000-06:00

So far, we have 17 people signed up - and I haven't even finalized the prizes...

UNTIL NOW!

Here's what yer playin' fer:

1st Place will get

Mini Helmet of their choice! Any team, any league, throwbacks, whatever! NFL, CFL, NCAA, AFL, even XFL (if you're, ya know, not right in the head)!
Cool Covers CD collection volumes 1-4! All 4 liner notes are here (see below for easier to read list of tracks, or click the pics and they expand)!
Custom PAFC Stein!

2nd Place will get

Micro Helmet for NFL team of their choice! (Sorry, no throwback)
Cool Covers CD collection volumes 1-3!
Custom PAFC Large Coffee Mug!

3rd Place will get

Cool Covers CD collection volumes 1 & 2!
Custom PAFC Coffee Mug!

4th Place will get

Cool Covers CD collection volume 1!

Not signed up? Get on it -here's the link:

http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/group?groupID=1755&password=patangello

Game Front: http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/frontpage
Group: PAFC 07
Password: patangello

You will need to create a user name and password if you don't already have one - but it's FREE!

Here are track listings for the CDs:

Volume 1

You Spin Me 'Round, Dope (Originally by Dead or Alive)
Smooth Criminal, Alien Ant Farm (Originally by Michael Jackson)
She Said, She Said, The Black Keys (Originally by the Beatles)
Hurt, Johnny Cash (Originally by Nine Inch Nails)
Hard Luck Woman, Garth Brooks (Originally by Kiss)
Chop Suey, Richard Cheese (Originally by System of a Down)
Have A Cigar, Primus (Originally by Pink Floyd)
Little Sister, The Residents (Originally by Elvis Presley)
Paranoid, Megadeth (Originally by Black Sabbath)
Mother's Little Helper, Tesla (Originally by the Rolling Stones)
Battle Of Evermore (Live), The Lovemongers/Heart (Originally by Led Zeppelin)
You Really Got Me, Van Halen (Originally by the Kinks)
Electricity, Electricity, Goodness (Originally from School House Rock)
I Am The Walrus, H-Ash (Originally by the Beatles)
Oh Well, Joe Jackson (Originally by Fleetwood Mac)
Dancing Days, Bad Livers (Originally by Led Zeppelin)
Orion, Rodrigo y Gabriela (Originally by Metallica)
Satisfaction, Devo (Originally by the Rolling Stones)
My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama, Dweezil Zappa (Originally by Frank Zappa)
Too Drunk to ****, Nouvelle Vague (Originally by the Dead Kennedys)

Volume 2

Kick Out the Jams, The Presidents Of The United States Of America (Originally by Blue Oyster Cult)
Voodoo Chile (Slight Return), Stevie Ray Vaughan (Originally by Jimi Hendrix)
Start Me Up, The Folksmen (Originally by the Rolling Stones)
Hello, I Love You, Missing Persons (Originally by the Doors)
Calling Dr. Love, Shandi's Addiction (Originally by Kiss)
Burning Inside , Static-X (Originally by Ministry)
I Fought The Law, Dead Kennedys (Originally by Sonny Curtis & the Crickets)
Higher Ground, Red Hot Chili Peppers (Originally by Stevie Wonder)
I Want You (She's So Heavy), The Eric Gales Band (Originally by the Beatles)
Ring Of Fire (Single Edit), Wall Of Voodoo (Originally by Johnny Cash)
Smells Like Teen Spirit, Tori Amos (Originally by Nirvana)
Creep, Richard Cheese (Originally by Radiohead)
Spider Man, The Ramones (Cartoon theme)
This Ole House, The Brian Setzer Orchestra (Originally by Rosemary Clooney)
Get It On (Bang A Gong), The Power Station (Originally by T. Rex)
Top Of The World, Shonen Knife (Originally by the Carpenters)
Rusty Cage, Johnny Cash (Originally by Soundgarden)
Come Together, Aerosmith (Originally by the Beatles)
Breadfan, Metallica (Originally by Budgie)
Be My Baby, The Dollyrots (Originally by the Ronettes)

Volume 3

Helter Skelter, Aerosmith (Originally by the Beatles)
The Devil Went Down To Georgia, Those Darn Accordions (Originally by the Charlie Daniels Band)
Love Without Anger, Aquabats (Originally by Devo)
All Along The Watchtower, Michael Hedges (Originally by Jimi Hendrix)
The Real Me, W.A.S.P. (Originally by the Who)
Strutter , Extreme (Originally by Kiss)
Lady Marmalade, Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya & Pink (Originally by Labelle)
Rape Me, Richard Cheese (Originally by Nirvana)
Stayin' Alive, Dweezil Zappa & Donny Osmond (Originally by the Bee Gees)
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones (Originally by Van Halen)
Take A Chance On Me, Erasure (Originally by ABBA)
We Can Work It Out, Tesla (Originally by the Beatles)
American Girl, Everclear (Originally by Tom Petty)
Dirty Back Road, Acid Test (Originally by the B-52’s)
Be-Bop-A-Lula, Stray Cats (Originally by Gene Vincent)
Smokin' In The Boys' Room, Mötley Crüe (Originally by Brownsville Station)
(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction, Cat Power (Originally by the Rolling Stones)
Sonata #3, Scatterbrain (Mozart)
Boys Don’t Cry, Oleander (Originally by the Cure)
Money (That's What I Want), The Flying Lizards (Originally by Barrett Strong)

Volume 4

James Bond Theme, The Art Of Noise (Movie theme)
Mama Kin, Guns N' Roses (Originally by Aerosmith)
Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah (Means I Love You), Violent Femmes (From the Jetson’s)
Peace Sells, Habeas Corpus (Originally by Megadeth)
I'm Down/Long Tall Sally, Heart (Originally by the Beatles/Little Richard)
Our Lips are Sealed, Jane Wiedlin (Originally by Jane’s band the Go-Go’s)
Moisture, The Mommyheads (Originally by the Residents)
Mad World, Michael Andrews and Gary Jules (Originally by Tears for Fears)
Maggie May, Blur (Originally by Rod Stewart)
Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye), Bananarama (Originally by “Steam”)
Hate To Say I Told You So, Richard Cheese (Originally by the Hives)
Booker Tease, Stan Ridgeway (Originally by the Residents)
Signs, Tesla (Originally by the Five Man Electrical Band)
Come Sail Away, Eric Cartman (Originally by Styx)
Nobody's Fault, Testament (Originally by Aerosmith)
Bohemian Polka, Weird Al Yankovic (Originally by Queen)
L. A. Woman, Billy Idol (Originally by the Doors)
Rebel Rebel, Seu Jorge (Originally by David Bowie)
Carol Of The Bells, Mr. Mackey (Christmas Carol)
Milkshake, Richard Cheese (Originally by Kelis)

Do You Smell That?

2007-08-07T21:12:00.001-06:00

Why, that's FOOTBALL SEASON FAST APPROACHING! That could only mean one thing - FOX is an equal opportunity employer for hiring borderline retarded Terry Bradshaw! No, wait, it means...

IT'S TIME FOR THE 2007 PAFC FOOTBALL PICK 'EM!!!

This season, I am using ESPN instead of the Fan, mostly because ESPN can handle the bandwidth. So, if you want to sign up, here's the link:

http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/group?groupID=1755&password=patangello

Game Front: http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/frontpage
Group: PAFC 07
Password: patangello

You will need to create a user name and password if you don't already have one - but it's FREE!

Prizes? Oh, yeah!

Here's a teaser:

Mini helmet for ANY TEAM YOU WANT! That's right, the big winner can pick from the NFL, NCAA, AFL, USFL, CFL, WFL, XFL - if I can find it, you get it - even throwback NFL! How cool is that? Other prizes include custom steins, mugs and a collection of CD's featuring the coolest cover tunes I own. I'm still working on these a little...

Stay tuned, or sign up today!

I Love It...

2007-07-25T21:03:00.000-06:00

When people send me quirky weird videos - like this one:

Thanks for thinking of me, J-NET!

Sorry, No Pics of Luc

2007-07-24T20:52:00.000-06:00

Instead, I have a VIDEO! This is how cute this boy is in the morning. And I'm supposed to go to work after seeing this? Painful! Look at him smile and giggle!

I love that little guy!

Random Luc Pics

2007-07-22T21:35:00.001-06:00

Just a few pics that were on the digital camera. I'm working on filming him when he giggles in the morning, so stay tuned.

You know the drill, click them and they get bigger...

Baptism - children's time.

Baptism - outfit, waiting for his big moment (nice focus, eh?)

Trying to protect the baptism outfit - it's a floating head! AHHH!

Daddy love time...

Crabby suit waiting for fireworks.

Momma holding the boy in his cute little crabby suit.

Yeah, I Know..

2007-07-18T22:07:00.000-06:00

You're thinking I'm posting a video by some dorky kid that's an Annie wannabe. OK, watch for yourself.

Amazing SIX-Year-Old Singer - More bloopers are a click away

If a 6-year-old can impress Simon...

YAY for Swedish Women!

2007-07-15T07:41:00.000-06:00

Some Swedish girl posted this video on YouTube! God bless her - I've been looking for it forever!

Yello RULES!

They're Back!

2007-07-15T00:12:00.001-06:00

The Hives are back, and mixing it up with Timbaland and, um, the world of wrestling? Whatever, just watch the video, get ready for the new release (geez, hurry up already!), and get yer tickets to see them open for Maroon 5 starting at the end of September! BTW, Pepsi Center in Denver on 10/29. After they leave the stage, you won't even care about Maroon 5!

Weee!

I Wanna Run Wit Da Bulls!

2007-07-14T23:35:00.000-06:00

On second thought...

If you click them, they get bigger, cuz you need more detail!

2 Months Later...

2007-07-11T21:28:00.000-06:00

And here's Luc!

Click the pictures and they will get BIGGER!

Hip-Hip HOORAY!

2007-07-09T19:23:00.000-06:00

Pam and DeJo
Sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes LOVE
Then comes moving in together
Then comes MARRIAGE!

I'll stop there, because these two cuties just got engaged! YAY!

We're so excited for you guys - CONGRATULATIONS!

Who's a Good Big Sister?

2007-06-26T21:24:00.001-06:00

Click them - they grow, yada...

My First Father's Day

2007-06-26T20:21:00.001-06:00

OK, so it's a little late, but too bad! It simply means more pics of my kid so...

(Click the pics for a better view!)

Aren't we the cutest family?

My dad and his grandkids!

OK, this wasn't from father's Day, but that's my uncle on the left and WOW can my dad wear a hat!

The boys and their Holy Cannoli t-shirts

The dad and their kids!

Yeah, I couldn't be more proud!

Music Video Monday!

2007-06-24T18:04:00.000-06:00

Heck, it just had to be done!

First, a band I just downloaded from eMusic called Datarock. As soon as you watch and listen to this, you will know exactly why I love these guys!

Wait, more Datarock:

OK, one more by Datarock:

Second, why it's the world's greatest musician teaming up with the world's greatest video director! Paul McCartney and Michel Gondry created this gem with Natalie Portman and the creepy wooden eye guy from Pirates (oh, and he was on the Office BBC as well!) so dig it:

The art of music videos is a dying genre, with all the booty shakin' c-rap that MTV thinks they need to air. Enjoy them when you find them!

Dentist Poll!

2007-06-20T21:42:00.000-06:00

OK, so I went to the dentist earlier this week. Believe it or not, I love this dentist! He never does unnecessary work and Suzy, the dental hygienist, is very nice and gentle. In fact, Katy and I have become close to Suzy where we talked about our lives and she knew about our new house and the adoption plans, etc. Anyway, I walked in through the front door of the building this time - for the first time! Usually I go in through the back. I figured, this dentist is great, we love Suzy, what could go wrong?

Next thing you know, somebody that is not Suzy is bringing me back to the chair. I don't know this person, but they seem pleasant - maybe Suzy is on vacation. Well, Suzy is not on vacation, and the only thing pleasant about this new girl is her demeanor. Her cleaning of my teeth was fast and rough, and she ripped through my gums with the iron hook and the floss. Actually, Katy named her the marquis de sade of dental floss!

Then the dentist comes in and says two of my lower teeth in the back are starting to crack from my grinding my teeth! How did she not see this? His resolution was, "don't grind your teeth, or we'll eventually have to crown them." Again, let's wait and see, not, WE HAVE TO FIX THIS NOW!

So above is my dilemma. Whatever shall I do? Is it worth the pain to stay since they don't do unnecessary work, or should I find someone closer to home who is more gentle but might find things I don't really need done?

OK, Knock It Off!

2007-06-19T18:49:00.001-06:00

Now people are sending me MORE videos that remind them of me. Frankly, I'm offended!

OK, not really, but WHOA already!

What the Hell???

2007-06-18T19:21:00.001-06:00

OK, so for some reason Bill said this made him think of me.

Um...

Seriously???

As Promised...

2007-06-13T21:19:00.002-06:00

More pics of Luc!

Is it just me, or is the kid getting cuter? Anyway, I know some of these are fuzzy, but so is yer momma! Click 'em and they get bigger!

My First Poll!

2007-06-11T20:29:00.000-06:00

...If ya know what I mean...

Anyway, singer Amy Winehouse graced the latest cover of Rolling Stone magazine, and I'm trying to figure out if she's hot or not. So, here are some pics and a web poll - you tell me...

(For a better look, click the pic and they get bigger - oooh!)

My Favorite!

2007-06-07T22:24:00.001-06:00

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

My favorite comedian, Brian Regan has a special on Comedy Central! This guy first made a name for himself with his "you too" skit, and he's still brilliant. Even better - the guy never curses! He's one of the funniest guys around and doesn't use foul language to make people laugh. Don't believe me? Then watch for yourself on Sunday! Or, check out a few clips below:

and

YAY!

PAFC Newsletter 6/05/07

2007-06-05T19:26:00.000-06:00

Is it horrible of me to want Paris Hilton to get the living crap beat out of her in jail? Maybe, but seriously, I want some pissed-off murderer to pull out a shank and gut her. THEN we will know what she ate for dinner without having to rely on the media heresy.

So, I'm sitting here importing my CD's so I can load them onto the Pat Angello Fan Pod, and I thought, "Let's do a newsletter!" Sorry, no new pics of Luc yet, but soon! All you get for now is the stork on the left.

Yer Mother-In-Law is a drill sergeant! Poor Private Duncan Schneider! Dude joins the Army and gets assigned to his mother-in-law's platoon! The guy is probably begging to be sent to Iraq!

Fill 'er up and nobody gets hurt! A man in Salt Lake forced a woman who was filling her car with gas to fill the tank on his SUV. The guy stuck what he said was a gun in her back, so she did as she was told. Wow, the price of gas is making the Mormons feisty!

Dumb-dumb-dumb! Dumb-dumb-duh-dumb! 1683 people in Kansas City gathered together in an effort to set a world record for the most guitarists playing "Smoke on the Water" at the same time, because apparently there's nothing else to do in Kansas City. Here's my favorite quote from a participant:

"I thought it was going to be kind of cheesy," said Hannah Koch, of Prairie Village, who came clad in an elf costume. "But after I got here, I got caught up in the excitement of it."

Elf costume? Yeah, nothing cheesy about that! They later set a world record for biggest group of losers to eat 50 hot dogs each while doing the Macarena.

Speaking of nothing to do, welcome to Idaho! A 42-year-old pervy was arrested for stealing over 200 panties. So THAT'S where Pee-Wee Herman is these days!

MAKE IT STOP! A man in NYC drank an energy boost drink and it boosted his, ya know, THING and it wouldn't stop! It was so bad that the guy had to undergo surgery to have a shunt put in that redirected the blood rushing to his tool. GAH! I bet you won't believe this, but he's suing the makers of the drink! Meanwhile, every guy in NYC is trying to purchase it. Hey, it's cheaper than Viagra. That should be their slogan!

Finally, I probably shouldn't be sharing this with you, but sometimes I find myself so damn funny! (Dad, don't print this for Mom!) Anyway, Luc has a little bouncy chair that also vibrates. (Wait for it!) So, sometimes when he's cranky or fussy, we put him in there and turn it on. He does settle down and stops crying, but he gets a really funny look on his face that makes me laugh. I told my wife, "He looks like he's thinking, 'This feels kinda weird but I think I like it!' Sort of like you when we're doing it."

Thanks, I've got an upcoming show on 6/29 at Java Guru in Castle Rock! Really!

What? You want a VIDEO? OK, since Billy sent me this one...

Heh!

Happy Memorial Day?

2007-05-28T09:09:00.000-06:00

Please Remember...

Re-Post - Luc Pics Plus Graduation Day!

2007-05-20T12:21:00.000-06:00

OK, so the last time I put these pics on the blog, they were a little large to print - my dad wanted to print them out, so I resposted them. However, I added some pictures from Alysse's graduation day as well! So scroll through and click on them to make them bigger!

My nephew Danny graduated this weekend as well, but I forgot the camera at his party. I'm a tool! Anyway, maybe my sister can forward a few pics from his big day as well!

One quick note - please keep our neighbor Shirley in your thoughts this week - her husband Nick passed away in his sleep on Monday morning last week. They are retired and have only been in the house for a few months. She's had a lot of family over this last week, and her stress level is high - the paramedics were at her house 2 days later because her blood pressure was skyrocketing. She is a very sweet woman and we're looking forward to helping her through this difficult time and becoming great friends and neighbors with her. Thanks!

Meet Luc Anthony Angello - Our New Son!!!

2007-05-13T17:57:00.000-06:00

OK, so now you know where I've been!

Here's the brief story: our niece ended up pregnant accidentally at 17. She knew about our struggles to have children on our own, so she approached us with the best resolution possible - she would carry the child to term and let Katy and I adopt him! She made this decision on her own without our influence - we didn't even know she was pregnant until she had made her decision. So, of course, we said yes! I mean, the ability to adopt a newborn child that will probably look a LITTLE bit like us is absolutely astonishing! He arrived on Friday evening at 5:02 Colorado time. He weighed 8 lbs, 12.5 ounces and is 18.5" long. God bless her for giving us the most amazing gift we ever dreamed of! Heck, we couldn't even DREAM something this incredible!

On to the pictures - here's the chronological order of the day and the next few days. Starting with our niece, with some pictures of the doctor, my sister and mom, and of course us in there, and ending with my boy sleeping on my chest (I swear I had tears pouring down my face just before that picture was taken). Please ignore how tired we look - I think most of it was Katy anticipating yet another camera flash in her face!

(Click on the pictures and they get bigger!):

Fashion Disasters on Public Transportation

2007-05-06T09:39:00.000-06:00

I know, it’s par for the course, but what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t share these findings with you?

If I’ve said this once, I’ve said it a thousand times - sports jerseys should NOT be tucked in to your jeans! It doesn’t matter if it’s baseball, football, hockey, soccer, basketball, bowling or badminton, the jersey stays out of yer pants! I saw a guy at a hockey game once who not only tucked his jersey in his jeans, but he also folded and rolled up the sleeves and his pant legs. He looked like he was about to explode! Heck, if yer dorky enough to tuck the jersey in, you might as well go for broke and tuck your pant legs into your socks!

Wife beater t-shirts are not appropriate attire for going out in public unless something is worn over them. There is a reason they call this "underwear"! Just wear ANYTHING over it, please! Especially if you’re going to put your arm around your girlfriend on the train and set you pit on top of the seat back. Eww! I don’t know where your pit has been, but I DO know that I don’t want to think about things like that when I lean my head back on the train.

Let me start this paragraph by saying, I’m not skinny. Also, I have no problem with people who battle with weight issues, but some people need a little humility and should dress appropriately. For instance, hip-hugger jeans are not for everyone. If you have thin hips and a rollie-pollie belly, nobody wants to see your muffin top spilling over your tight little jeans. Even if your keeping it all in a t-shirt that reads "Do FRIES Come with that SHAKE?"

It’s a wig - we all know it! Nobody says, "Oh, look at that bald guy!" Everybody says, "Oh, look at the guy in the wig!"

Finally, 2 blast from the past videos! This song is suddenly popular in about 3-4 current TV commercials, but these are the best versions. God bless Jim Henson - he was a genius!

From the Muppet Show:

From Sesame Street, 1969:

YAY!

Why Did We Move to Castle Rock?

2007-04-30T21:45:00.000-06:00

Everyone whines, "It's so far away - MEAH!"

Hey, I'll have you know that it only took me 30 minutes to get from my house to Willis Case golf course on I-70 and Sheridan! Granted it was 6AM on a Saturday, but still...

Also, there's Castlewood Canyon State Park, like, 10 minutes from our house! Here's pictures of our hike on Sunday. It was 80 degrees and beautiful! Uwe had fun, until we picked the longer trail and her little paws got all beat up. She's such an indoor dog! Poor little thing is limping all over the house now, making us feel all guilty! Maybe we should have put her booties on?

Click 'em - they grow like Hillary Clinton's ego!

Lazy Post

2007-04-23T21:28:00.000-06:00

Deal with it! It's Alanis Morissette doing a slightly lounge version of My Humps! That's right, the ridiculous song by the Black Eyed Peas.

Check it:

Good LORD! At least she has a sense of humor!

Wait, it gets worse:

Ugh! Sorry!

Bye!

I’m Not Dead Yet!

2007-04-15T00:09:00.000-06:00

I know it’s been forever, but I still have my torso!

Anyway, where the heck have I been? Well, um, ya know, work, stuff, etc. I do have a few things to share with you so…

Hey, my birfday was last week! Yeah, hit the big 3-8! And, I will have you know, I finally got a freakin’ iPod! Yes, my lovely wife was kind enough to splurge on her cute and fuzzy hubby and she bought me an 80-gigger! I said gigger. Now I sit on my computer spending hour upon hour ignoring her as I try to load my 1000+ CD’s into my computer and then upload them to the Pod. However, I am very excited about this stupid thing and I am convinced (for many reasons) that I have the greatest wife ever!

My wife was also wonderful enough to take me to see Grindhouse! I gotta say, I absolutely LOVED this film! It is everything you’d expect it to be, brilliantly done with scratchy film and missing clips and blood and gore and sex and music and effects and stunts and bliss! Despite the rave reviews from me and the majority of the critics, the film is flopping. I’m thinking it’s probably because of the 3.5 hour length. Hey, it’s 2 films in one with fake trailers in between! But if you’re smart and go see it as a matinee, you’ll get 3.5 hours of fun for only $5! How can you beat that? I also suggest sushi afterwards. God bless Castle Rock for having a good sushi place that, get this, DELIVERS! You mean I can call and have sashimi delivered to my door? Hells yeah!

Since I’m sort of doing “reviews” here:

TV: The Riches is really good! Sure it’s on F/X on Sunday’s, but I’m in. We’re about 3 episodes behind, but it’s totally worth DVRing. I have not seen Thank God You’re Here, a new improve show, but it’s on the DVR as well and I’m looking forward to it. How pathetic is it that Studio 60 has been replaced by a reality show called The Real Wedding Crashers? I’m about to cry over this! Oh, but there’s actually a reality show I want to see! It’s on FOX and it’s about filmmakers but I can’t recall the name and I’m too lazy to look it up. Now that I have an HD (can you believe it?), the Planet Earth series on Discovery HD is effing amazing!

Music: Deerhoof-Friend Opportunity is really fun, at least the beginning 4 tracks. Think Beck meets Shonen Knife meets the Residents. Yeah, it’s that weird and off, but a lot of fun. I also saw Rodrigo y Gabriela on Jimmy Kimmel last night and immediately downloaded the entire album. Think Spanish guitars with speed metal influences. Hey, any girl on a nylon string guitar claiming to be a Megadeth fan works for me! I also just downloaded the Fratelli’s (great catchy pop punk that you’ll recognize from iTunes commercials), Apples in Stereo (the jury is still out on this one) and both soundtracks to the Grindhouse movies (a lounge version of Too Drunk To #$%@ by DK sung by a breathy girl? Wow!).

I’m finally OUT! I was the web administrator of my 20-year high school reunion website, but after numerous blow ups for no apparent reason with the new chair of the committee, I bounced! Hey, I don’t need any additional stress right now. I’m sure y’all are wondering what ELSE could be going on in my life besides work, but there is something rather large looming that I will disclose later. It’s coming, it’s big, and it will certainly change our lives forever! Many of you already know, but some do not and I would appreciate if we could keep this on the down-low until the appropriate time.

I have had time to do the Freak Train thing, but the lovely and talented Dejo has a real job now and has not had time to upload the videos he took of me yet. No worries, because I know how busy he is. However, Derek has no life so he uploaded hand-held versions of my last two performances. March was a 5-minute Letterman type show, and April was MORE PUPPETS!

Speaking of videos, I don’t care how far behind the times I am – this video is sheer brilliance:

That’s it for now – talk atcha soon!