Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Meanwhile, at the Mall...

I'm not really a mall guy. I mean, I don't mind shopping and all, but crowds of people bug me. Seriously. But we were on a mission Sunday to find my wifey some boots, so we braved the crowd at Park Meadows and OH MY GOD the sights we saw!

Kids: Emo kids with ironed hair and skinny red jeans. Um, I don't get it. These kids are going to look back at pictures from now like I do when I see me in OP shorts with my boxers hanging out and tube socks pulled up all the way. Then there were powder jackets... I also saw a bigger kid dressed all street/ghetto. Big dumb white kid with his sideways cap, oversized shirts, jeans hanging down under his butt, walking with a limp as if his hand can barely keep his junk in line. Highlands Ranch kids are SO ghetto! Let me just say, if your mommy bought you a $42K Saab for your 16th birthday, you're hardly gangsta. Learn how to wear a hat and try to walk upright.

Brush with the law: We were checking out the new Borders store when my lovely wife accidentally bumped into an older black man. She quickly apologized, and he responded with, "do it again and it will cost you $500." Half laughing, because she honestly thought he was kidding, she informed the man he was barking up the wrong tree. He responded with, "whatever, rich white lady." Now, I'll admit, she was wearing her best Target bought clothes and all, but SERIOUSLY! Also, I fully understand that there are no boots at Borders, but there are Dr. Seuss books!

WTF are you wearing: Just because we're not swimming in money doesn't mean the dude in Borders was far off Target (pun intended!) with many people at the mall. Park Meadows mall is one of the best places to people watch, well, EVER because of the insanely rich idiots walking through. There was one woman in her 50's with a denim skirt so short you could tell what religion she is - really. It's not like she had knockout legs or anything, but this thing barely covered her whoo-whoo! Was she TRYING to scare children? Then there was another woman about the same age with big ol' fakies in a halter top, white Capri cargo pants with a sequin thong blatantly sticking out of the back - literally made me burst out laughing! I wonder if her $15K boobs could somehow make a difference elsewhere, like buying books for inner-city kids who don't have anything to read, or making a donation to the Food Bank of the Rockies where $1 buys 4 meals. Do the math - that's 60,000 meals for people on the streets who are down on their luck. But that's OK, as long as this woman has her self esteem...

Unfortunately, mission not accomplished, but entertainment values were very high!

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Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!