Tuesday, May 30, 2006

New Links!

Hey, bored at work? Hit my "Pat Angello Lurks Here Daily" section and check out some new links!

Dom & Jane Blog:
My favorite morning DJ's go goofy in text and sound bites.

I Talk Too Much:
A place for young ladies to bitch, um, more!

It's Better Than Bad-It's Good:
A strange artist I found through Collin's site.

MySpace Deaths: Yep, people with MySpace accounts who have recently died. Mostly stupid kids. YAY! Actually, I find it eerily fascinating.

Odd Todd: What I should have been doing when I was unemployed!

Screenhead: This site is YouTube and picture happy. Anyone who links to an old Devo commercial for Honda Scooters is OK in my book!

The Show with Ze Frank: Something DeJo sent me. This cat basically gives a quick hitting, 5-minute video post every day and it's pretty damn funny. Not always work safe though...

Go on, click 'em!

The "Entertainment" Industry Scares Me!

Here are a few recent headlines:

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore Party in Iowa: What, were they eating loose meat sandwiches with Roseanne? I’ve been to Iowa, and there’s not much partying going on there. However, I did see a few 10-year-olds rent porn and then take off in a van. Oh, and my roommate in college was from the little town of Whiting Iowa and he had a small part in Children of the Corn, as it was filmed there. Heh.

Paris Hilton Plans Reggae, Hip Hop Album: Seriously. Not like you need any help with this one, but here’s a quote by the brain dead spoiled scif:

"The whole album has so much different music on it. I like all music. It's not like I only like pop or only rock. I want to have something for everybody."

Someone needs to kidnap her, shave her head, take away every single possession she has, stick a toilet scrubbing brush in her hand, and make her survive on $6.00/hour. If she can do that for a year, I’ll have some respect for her. My guess is she’ll be dead in a week.

Prince Is Voted 'Sexiest Vegetarian': Um, not sure where to start here. First, the guy is a creepy little fembot! Second, Sexiest VEGETARIAN? I want to know who the sexiest dairy consumer is. No, the sexiest Netflix customer! No, wait – the sexiest hybrid car owner! Yeah!

Attention PAFC readers! Please, please, PLEASE! Turn off your TV, throw away your celeb mags, and spend some time outdoors this summer! Trust me, you won’t miss anything!

Wacky Video Wednesday!

Before you say, "Oh, great - another damn music video!" realize that I only post the really freakin' cool ones! So, here for your viewing pleasure, it's Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice featuring Christopher Walken gettin' down in his dancin' shoes. It's a Spike Jonze CLASSIC! My favorite is the "prairie dog"

Monday, May 29, 2006

Memorial Weekend Movies!


It’s been a while since the lovely KT and I have taken in a movie, so we hit 2 during this extended weekend.


Da Vinci Code: I liked it, but I didn’t absolutely love it. I enjoyed the book, but I guess I have an issue with stories where I already know the outcome. In other words, I just wanted Anakin to turn into freakin’ Darth Vadar as soon as possible. Hanks was mediocre, but Howard did a good job of using flashbacks to tell as much of the long story as possible. And I totally knew Mary and Jesus were married and had children already. Where do you think the Jesus and Mary Chain came from?

I’d say about a C+

X-Men Last Stand: Right, last my patootie! Anyway, I think the whole X-Men franchise has put together the most entertaining set of films in a long, long time. This one comes close to the first two, but doesn’t quite top them. I still think the second one was the best, but there are some great things in this film. There’s also some lame dialogue, but what can you do? I know what you can do – not leave the theater until the scene at the end of the credits!

I’m going with a B+

Damn Hippie!


OK, so this guy from Freak Train has been buggin’ me to either help him with a skit, or work on one together. I finally caved. I also found out as we communicated via email that he enjoyed taking the pot. OK, whatever, no big deal. It’s not something I like to do, actually not something I’ve done and it makes me very uncomfortable, but I know other people do it and I’m OK with that.

We finally decide to get together and start talking about what to write about. I arrive at his house, or the house that he is renting until it gets torn down and rebuilt into a $1.5 (remember, million is always implied in ridiculous real estate – and wacky embezzlement figures by idiotic CEOs!) home. So, because it’s a temporary residence, the guy has basically no furniture to speak of. Actually, I’m HOPING it’s because it’s his temporary residence. He literally has a mattress in the floor in his room, one drafting table with a sewing machine on it, an old reclining chair, a non-matching ottoman, and a coffee table with a small TV, VCR, DVD player, and computer on it. In the back yard is a clothesline with a bunch of large potato or coffee sacks hanging on it. He picked the sacks up somewhere and planned on using them to decorate the house sometime soon. (Note: when I went back to this house for the second time, many sacks were hanging on the walls of the home, and he had 2 pair of jeans hanging on a doorway that kinda represented curtains. I have no idea why!)

OK, back to the writing. He immediately tells me that his phone isn’t working and he can’t get a hold of his "guy" (insert: dealer) so he may not have much creativity. He then proceeds to try to smoke the small remnants of burnt pot leaves that have fallen to the floor. I’m not impressed, but we start writing the skit and it’s kinda funny.

I went back a week later and we started polishing the script. He’s mostly sober this time and we start bouncing ideas back and forth. This thing is damn funny, and it jumps into all sorts of weird places. The perfect Freak Train skit has been penned, now we need to memorize it, practice, and perform it in a few weeks. I’m not sure how much I can rely on this guy, but I believe in the material, so I decide to stick it out.

In the next week, he keeps emailing me, changing things in the script. Not a big deal, because some things he added were pretty funny. But then he starts emailing me about how things are "really starting happen, ya know?" Ummm... Now he wants to take some head shots and put together a DVD and promo material. We haven’t even run lines yet, and he’s thinking we’re our own little SNL here?! I go back to his place that Friday night and we hammer out some lines. He’s having a little trouble finding his character, and that’s making me nervous, even though he’s sober. We make some progress and decide to get together on Saturday. To me, Saturday will be the day of reckoning. Either he’s found the character and we will perform, or he’s a flake and I’m done.

Saturday I get to his house and he’s sober and ready to go. We run through the first half of the skit many times and it’s very natural and seems to be going well. Then we add the second half, and we’re still working it well. We’re adlibbing some stuff and throwing in some other lines that seem to flow and this thing is coming together well. I’m getting excited! I’ve shared the skit with a few friends and family members and they all love it. I’m going back to his house on Sunday so we can get this thing nailed finally and ready for deployment.

I walk in the door on Sunday, ready to run some lines and finalize our project for the big Freak Train a week away. He immediately takes 4 bong hits after I walk in. Suddenly, I’m uncomfortable and he’s basically talking gibberish. I tell him I’m just not feeling it and we should try to get together during the week. I also let him know that the MJ makes me uncomfortable, so he says he’ll take it easy around me. Maybe my hint should have been more frying pan to the face-ish.

We originally said we’d get together on Tuesday, but it was my 8-year anniversary that evening and I had plans. So, Thursday was a go. He never called Thursday. I expected to hear from him on Saturday, but no. Sunday? Forget it. Finally, at 4:15 PM on Monday, the night of the show, he calls me to see if I’m ready and if I’m feeling it. Uh, no! I ask him where he’s been all weekend, and I’m getting dumb, pothead answers. I thought pot smoking was something people out-grew by the age of 38? I guess I was wrong.

In conclusion, I’m disappointed. The material is good, and I want it to see the stage, but I can’t rely on this guy or trust him. What can I do?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Am I Insane?

Or was there a shot of David Hasselhoff CRYING in the crowd when Taylor Hicks was named the new American Idol?

Oh - video proof!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Another PAFC Contest Winner!

OK, so yer probably wondering, "When did the PAFC have another contest?" Well, you gotta hand it to this winner for his stick-to-it-iveness. Or, stamina/longevity. Wow, that sounds a little wrong! Either way, the winner of the first annual PAFC Fantasy Hockey Challenge is D Lee of AZ! Even with Dejo on his tail all season long, Mr. Lee had the right players on his team and handily won the league. For this amazing feat, ol' D has won himself a full set of PAFC CDs, including:

  • The Best Weird Al Ever
  • The Best Devo Ever
  • The Best Hives So Far
  • The Best Radiohead Ever
  • Spooboy's Greatest Hits Volumes 1-3
  • Make the Girls Scream!

Not only that, but he gets to walk around Phoenix displaying his accomplishment on a shirt with the following graphic:



Congrats, D Lee - you ROCK!

Wacky Video Wednesday!

This really needs no introduction:

What a Day


Today, 5/23, is and always will be a special day in my life. You see, today is the 8-year anniversary of the day I married the most wonderful woman ever to walk the face of the earth. So, Katy, I just wanted to tell you that I love you with all of my heart and you mean absolutely everything to me!

Now, that's not all that makes this day special. 10 years ago, my father successfully underwent a quintuple bypass surgery. As I sat in the waiting room for 7 hours, completely nervous and scared, all I could think was that I haven’t accomplished anything. Here I was at the age of 27 and I haven’t even made a relationship last longer than 6 months. He couldn’t die yet, because he hasn’t met my wife or my children. Then again, neither had I. By the grace of God, my father was off all machines and trying to talk right out of the surgery. I’ve been fortunate enough to bring Katy into my family. She’s done nothing but gracefully become an addition that is loved by all members of my family, which makes me extremely happy and lucky.

Finally, 10 years ago was also the day that my best friend Bill Purdy moved to NC. At first it seemed like a temporary thing as his job took him out there, but now it seems like he’s there for good. The bad news is that I miss him a ton, even though we talk daily by email, IM, or phone. Heck, we even play X-Box live every now and then. The good news is he has a wonderful wife and child and a great life in NC. I’m very happy for him!

So today is a special day for me. If you know any of the people I’ve mentioned above, please let them know how much I adore them.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I Love You, MLL!


Anyone that knows me has heard me talk about how Denver needed an outdoor lacrosse team - I’ve literally been calling for it for years. Then the Colorado Mammoth arrived last year as an INDOOR team, and attendance went through the roof. This year, thanks to Saint Pat Bowlen, the Denver Outlaws of the newly expanded Major League Lacrosse arrived in town bringing outdoor lacrosse to my city. I thought I might be alone in wanting this team here, but 13,000+ other people at Invesco Field at Mile High last night proved me wrong. NHL? I think we should take a break.

OK, here’s the deal. Avalanche tickets are way too expensive, and nobody really wants to go anymore. I had more trouble selling my extra tickets this year than ever before, taking a hit on the cost many times. So, because we’re trying to save money, I am not renewing. Besides, the entertainment value is in the toilet at the Pepsi Center as whoever is in charge of putting on the rest of the show simply doesn’t seem to care anymore. How many times can you play Metallica during one game? So, after consulting with my wife, though my mind was already made up, I thought we’d buy some lacrosse tickets. Ya know what? After one game, I can already tell that this was a fantastic investment! Here’s a little comparison between the two sports:

TICKETS

Avalanche = $3256 for the season (44 games, we attend about 2-3/month and lose money trying to sell the others, and we sit in level 3 in the corner)

Outlaws = $179 (6 games, front row baby!)

ENTERTAINMENT

Avalanche = Same music every game, including about 10 Metallica songs (I’m not exaggerating), no fun videos during the game, no creativity on between-period promotions and entertainment. They’ve simply let everything slack.

Outlaws = Lots of great music, cool videos throughout, thanking of visiting goaltender by the entire crowd whenever he lets in a goal, fun contests between quarters on the field.

ACTION

Avalanche = OK, so I love hockey. A goal in hockey is the equivalent of a sports orgasm. The new rules have opened everything up, so I’ll always be a fan.

Outlaws = More scoring and fast paced action. Great hits too!

SEATS

Avalanche = Someone get me a tissue for my bleeding nose way up here where people never get the little prizes that fall from the blimps. "Look high above my head?" I think you mean way below my feet.

Outlaws = Front freakin’ row, baby! That’s right, I can almost reach the visiting team’s Gatorade bucket.

ACCESSIBILITY TO PLAYERS

Avalanche = HAHAHAHA! All KT wanted was one stinkin’ autograph from her favorite hockey player ever, Teemu Selanne, when he was on the Avalanche for just one season. She had a better chance of playing UNO with George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden on a space shuttle.

Outlaws = Players and coaches from both teams shake hands on the field and then immediately walk over to the crowd, sign autographs, thank you for coming, ask you if you had fun, tease the little kids, and generally tell you they love you back.


What can I say? I’m all in! This league is only 5 years old, founded by Jake (Body by Jake) Steinfeld and Denver set a new attendance record last night. I feel like I’ve gotten in at the ground floor at Google! You need to go, because you’ll love it. The guys will love the action and toughness, the ladies will love the warriors on the field (not to sound, ya know, gay or anything, but some of these guys are pretty good lookin’! Suddap, Purdy!), and the kids will love getting to talk with the players after the game. I’m just bummed that I have to wait until June 3rd to go back!

Intolerable Acts of Cruelty

Ah, the lame opening act at a concert. You can’t avoid it, and sometimes its fun to make fun of. But when they are really horrendous, they’re worth blogging about.

KT and I went to see her favorite band, Live this weekend. She loves Live - she’s a friend of Live - she’s a little scary about Live.

Side note: KT has turned into a metal head and I don’t know how, considering how she’s always been more of the new wave alternative type. But now, she listens to SQUIZZ on her XM radio in the car, and keeps cranking up songs that I never thought she would like. I have not only heard her say how much she likes Tool and System of a Down, but after the show she cranked up a Rob Zombie tune! ROB FREAKIN’ ZOMBIE!!! I’m not complaining, because I like a lot of the stuff she’s getting into. In fact, I told her there’s a whole bunch of CDs in my collection that I’d like to re-introduce her to now that her tastes are changing. But I just kinda sat there wondering if I was in the right place for a minute. She’s still adorable!

Anyway, there was no opening act listed on the ticket, but that didn’t stop some dork named Robert Shapiro (no, a different one) from hauling his band of insomnia alleviators onto the stage to help me recall other lame bands I’ve seen without choice in years past.

I can’t really tell you too much about the Shapiro bunch, other than their music was the elevator step-child of every boring song to come out of Rick Springfield, Bruce Springsteen, Hall & Oats, and Dave Matthews. Lots of strummy guitar and irrelevant vocals that could only make one wonder how the hell these guys got this gig. The bass player was WAY too into the songs, thrashing his head back and forth and literally doing bicycle kicks during this incredibly tranquil set. Not sure what he was listening to on his earpiece, but it wasn’t what I was hearing. People were literally laughing at him and completely embarrassed for him.

This is the worst opening act I’ve seen since the Vel-Cro’s opened for Van Halen in 1984. What are your most memorable pathetic opening acts?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Attention Da Vinci Code Protesters:


Um, well, ya see, IT'S A MOVIE! IT'S FICTION! Get off your religious high-horse and, for the love of God, let people enjoy a BOOK (God forbid some of us read a book instead of going out and playing violent video games)! You already got the Book of Daniel, one of the best written shows ever to see only 3 episodes, cancelled without even WATCHING it! Now you're going after a book, that you probably haven't even read, that's being turned into a movie featuring a great actor, great director, and something many people have never seen - the inside of the Louvre! We all know it's a made up story based on an odd theory, so quit insulting our intelligence by trying to TELL us we are too easily led to handle such a film. Just reading the book, you could tell that it would make a fun film, and now you freaks have to go out and raise a stink. Go feed the homeless or spend some time raising money for cancer research - do something PRODUCTIVE with all of this time you apparently have on your hands.

Damn!

Sincerely,

Pat Angello

Wacky Video Wednesday!

Yep, another Michel Gondry music video. Why? Because he's a freakin' genius! This is Let Forever Be by the Chemical Brothers. As soon as you see the cool morphing of, well, everything, and the multiple layers you will say to yourself, "Hey! I wonder if this guy has directed a bunch of cool Levis and Gap commercials?" And you would be correct! Enjoy:

Sunday, May 14, 2006

GOOOOAAAAALLLLL – Weight!

OK, so my lovely wife and I joined LA Weight Loss in October and have been sticking to the plan somewhat regularly. I have unofficially hit my goal weight and have started the stabilization phase where I get to add back portions of certain foods each week. Then I will go on to the maintenance phase and start getting some money back!

Before I get to the BEFORE and AFTER pics, here are some stats for ya:

  • Total weight lost = about 43 pounds
  • Inches lost from neck = 1
  • Inches lost from chest = 3
  • Inches lost from waist = 5.5

I’ve gone from XL shirts to Mediums and from squeezing my fat belly into size 38" pants to having a little room in size 34" pants. My blood pressure has gone down from 148/98 to 128/82!

OK, so how about some pics?

BEFORE:


















Like I needed cake!
















Face sufficiently stuffed!


AFTER:



















Face no longer stuffed!













Lots of room in my former fat jeans - and these are 36"!


Yes it costs money, sure it’s a little intimidating at first, but it was totally worth it! Honestly, people that I haven’t seen in months say to me, "Wow! You look GREAT!" And ya know what? I can’t get enough of it!

Katy has lost almost the same amount and she looks great, but she wants to keep going. The people at LAWL are great and I would certainly recommend it to anyone that is interested in learning proper eating habits, lowering their blood pressure and cholesterol, and wanting to not feel like a slug anymore.

Sure I’m gloating, but you’ll just have to live with it for now!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Sunday, May 07, 2006

PAFC Newsletter, 5/7/06


A little cream with your coffee? Almost 4000 mothers converged on one spot in Manila to breast-feed, thus setting a new record for the largest number of women simultaneously breast-feeding their babies in the same place at the same time. This is almost as ridiculous as the time the Broncos tried to set a record at a game for the most people doing the Macarena at the same time. Unfortunately, I actually witnessed that.

Short party! A man in Indiana was so excited about being released from jail that he went right out and got drunk. Later that evening he was arrested again for public intoxication. Ah, there’s no place like home!

Any port in a storm. A grandmother in Omaha drove up to a woman’s house, handed her the baby and a diaper bag, and then left. Granny thought it was the home for the child’s daycare, but it was just some random woman’s house. After hours of false child abandonment stories on the local news, the mother showed up at the police station to claim the child. Grandma is never allowed to leave the house again.

Good boy, now here’s yer pot. A woman in PA has been rewarding her son for doing his homework by smoking doobies with him when he’s finished. It could be worse; she could be rewarding him with junk food. Wait, this just in – after the pot smoking they go to 7-11 and buy Twinkies, so, um, never mind.

That’s because NJ sucks. The state of New Jersey has scrapped yet another slogan. It looks like "Come See For Yourself" & "We’ll Win You Over" just can’t make the cut. The Garden State (hey – there’s an idea) should probably just give in and go with "You Can’t Polish a Turd."

Good luck! A Philippines judge is asking for his job back after being fired for claiming he could see into the future and consulting with imaginary dwarfs. I’m guessing mushrooms don’t show up on urine tests in the Philippines.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Hey! I Thought You Said You’d Keep Bloggin’!


Yeah, well - WHATEVER! I’m a busy kid these days. I like the new gig so far, but I feel like I’m neglecting everyone ELSE’S blogs, forget my own. Hell, it doesn’t really take much time to throw this garbage together, but I miss visiting the other great bloggers that I’ve linked to. I’ll make up for it this weekend, I promise!

Another drunken Kennedy. What else is new? At least he didn’t kill anyone - yet!

Woman gives premature birth to toddler. A woman in California gave birth a month early to a 14-pound baby. The kid came out with a full set of teeth and speaking Spanish. Governor Arnold said, "Dat’s how we doo tings in dis dtate now. Biggar and more eeffishant!"

Hey, the Illegals must be working again - the grass around our building has been cut. Oh, and a big whopping THANK YOU to the illegal immigrants who decided to street race in Denver, causing an accident that killed one and injured six others. The extremely busy emergency workers really appreciate you wasting their time, and us hard working citizens (hey, I qualify now) are happy to pay the taxes to foot the bill for your hospital care and the salaries of the emergency workers. Will I be this sarcastic every time I see a stupid crime by illegal immigrants like this on the news? Maybe. OK, probably. I got yer cinco hangin'!

This is so freakin’ cool, if you’re not this woman at least. A woman in Mishawaka Indiana (I said Mishawaka) bought a fish sandwich at a restaurant, took the sandwich home, and then threw up blood and a double edged razor blade. SWEET! At least it wasn’t a finger. Derek can’t say meat is meat on this one.

Well, it’s a start. Nicole Richie admitted she is too thin and is starting treatment to gain weight.

"I know I'm too thin right now, so I wouldn't want any young girl looking at me and saying, 'That's what I want to look like,'" she said. "I do know that they will, which is another reason I really do need to do something about it," she says. "I'm not happy with the way I look right now. I get really stressed out, and I do lose my appetite, but I do force myself to eat. I tried to put the weight on my way, eating burritos, but that wasn't working, so I started seeing a nutritionist and a doctor."

Now if she could just do something about the fact that she’s a spoiled c*** we’d really be making progress!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Wacky Video Wednesday!

This is the first skit I ever saw on Kids in the Hall, and I knew they were brilliant. There are some other good ones on YouTube, but the soundtrack is off on most of them. This'll do - totally worth the 7:00 investment in your day:

Monday, May 01, 2006

A HA!!!


And you thought I’d just let this blog die now that I have a real job. Well, not yet at least.

Dear ESPN,

I don’t give a crap about Kobe Bryant hitting a last-second jumper to put his team up 3-1 over the Phoenix Suns – please stop showing the replay and giving this selfish baby more face time on TV. Isn’t the game-winning goal in OT by the underdog Avalanche (a #7 seed) that eliminated the Dallas Stars (a #2 seed) much more exciting? After all, it won an improbable SERIES, not just a game. Who does Andrew Brunette need to rape to get some TV time?

Not so sincerely,

Pat Angello

That’s not a mushroom! A man found a small piece of flesh on his burger at T.G.I.Finger’s, er, Friday’s after a cook cut his finger and left the flesh on the sandwich. The customer raved, "That was the best burger I ever had – until. I want my mommy!"

I’m not dead yet! A vet in PA gave a dog a sedative instead of euthanizing the creature. He then passed the dog on to a different owner for 9 months until the dog finally died of a seizure. The vet told the owners the dog was suffering, but other employees told the owners that they were heartless and the dog shouldn’t be put down. Now go kiss yer puppy on the face.

Old perv! 62-year-old Claudia Lee received a cable bill for over $1000 littered with charged for porn and gansta rap. When asked about it, the woman said, "Yo, I ain’t NEVA seen nunadat, a’ight? Jus lookit me and aks yerself, 'Is dis a ho who’d be inna dat?' Damn!"

Dumbest idea for a movie promotion EVER! Mission Impossible III promoters thought it would be a good idea to use fake bombs to promote the flick. BRILLIANT!

The confusion: the Los Angeles Times rack was fitted with a digital musical device designed to play the "Mission: Impossible" theme song when the door was opened. But in some cases, the red plastic boxes with protruding wires were jarred loose and dropped onto the stack of newspapers inside, alarming customers.

You mean people freaked out when they saw a bomb, in these days after 911? I, I am SHOCKED!

Freakin’ PETA! An Italian restaurant was fined for displaying live lobsters on ice. Because they were on ice, not in water. Mmm – lobster! Freaking Romans also banned goldfish bowls and threatened to fine dog owners if they didn’t walk their dog at least 3 times a day. And you thought the US government was controlling.

OK, the grass at our apartment is about mid-shin high. Is this immigration walkout over yet?

What’s in the bag? A family in Canada is offering $10K for the return of their mother’s head. Last July, someone broke into a funeral parlor and stole the head off the body of Cecile Lemay. She wasn’t dead yet, just hanging out at the funeral parlor. OK, I’m just kidding – she was awaiting burial, but the thieves just took her head and no earrings, cash, or anything else. See what happens when there is no hockey? Canadians lose their heads! Thank God hockey is back so those unruly Canucks can’t do anything stupid. Oh, wait, I forgot – the Canucks didn’t even make the playoffs and Marc Crawford got fired for it. Maybe the Red Wings and the Stars can go golfing together! Hockey is the BEST!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!