Tuesday, October 24, 2006

PAFC Newsletter 10.24.06

Wow, where did THIS come from?

Flutter-flutter! The next big plastic surgery craze is – eyelash transplants! Um, yeah. I can’t tell you how many times me and the guys were hanging out, checking out women, and one of us said, "Dude, she is pretty hot – nice rack and all – but her eyelashes just aren’t doing it for me!"

In Philly, of course! A dad pulled a gun on his son’s football coach because the 6-year-old kid wasn’t getting enough playing time. OK, I’m sure this could happen anywhere – sorry! However, I am using this as a segue to discuss Friday Night Lights. I kinda like the show, but I thought the parents were a little over the top. Now I’ve changed my mind. Yikes!

Pulling out! Porn star Mary Carey in California (go figure) is no longer running for governor. Her mother in Florida forgot to take her crazy pills and jumped off a building, shattering her feet, legs, vertebrae, and illusions that she was helicopter girl. The "actress" said it was a miracle her mother lived. She also wasn’t officially on the ballot, but voters were welcome to pencil her in, if ya know what I mean!

Principal Sluggo! The principal of Park High School in Montana has just returned to work, suspended for giving a student a wedgie. "It has been clearly recognized and stated that the behavior is inappropriate, unprofessional and unacceptable," said Superintendent Hannibal Anderson, and then he ate him.

Gimme another dollar – I’ma win that KID! Yeah, another toddler crawled up into one of those vending machines where you try to pick up stuffed animals with a springy, prongy thingy. Mom and grandma were somehow proud, completely oblivious to how negligent they were and what a waste of taxpayer’s money is involved in the fire department coming to break your kid out of a vending machine:

"I told him I could get it for him," his grandmother said. "He's a character. He said, 'Oh no, I can get it. I turned around and looked for him, and he said, 'Oma, I'm in here,' - I thought I would have a heart attack. He was having a ball in there, hugging all the stuffed animals. He was so good-natured, but I was shaking like a leaf."

Bad ape! An ape in Iowa has been scolded for pulling a fire alarm. Also, she no longer is allowed to pull lice off of her fellow apes, but she’s still allowed to fling her poo.

Tomkat to WED! Finally! All 4 of you who care, please get off my blog – NOW!

Shocking! Claudia Schiffer thinks that models are too thin! In related news, Terrell Owens says that athletes are too boisterous, and Ashlee Simpson firmly believes that there are too many pop stars that have no talent.

Finally, THIS makes me laugh out loud every time I view it!


TheIdleReceptionist said...

You're right.

Princess Katy said...

I'm sorry baby, but you are so going to Hell for that picture.
I still love you though.

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Everyone wants to look like bambi. But remember, bambis mother once looked like bambi, then she got old, and they killed her

I coached little league ball, made me hate most parents.

At least we would not have to worry about a sex scandle in the closet with her.

I think the entire student body should be able to give the Principle a wedgie. Of course, I think the most pupils in any montana high school is 10.

It has to take a lot of time to be able to crawl into those. Very observant parents.

They should not have given her one of those Fir Fighters calendars!

Like we really give a crap about Tomwhatever.

Falls down and faints from the obvious
That makes me cry about the down fall of civilization. ;-)

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!