Friday, September 08, 2006

Not MY Contest, But Funny!

This is a contest from Richard Cheese:

Dear Cheese Fan:
Only 18 days until my new "Silent Nightclub" CD comes out...but you can pre-order it NOW at And also at, this exciting new contest:

Yes, July 7, 2007 is 7/7/7, the luckiest day of the century!
And, it can also be YOUR lucky day becauseyou might beTHE MOTHER OF RICHARD CHEESE'S BABY,to be BORN ON 7/7/7! Don't miss this a once-in-a-lifetime opportunityfor you and your uterus!Here's how to enter:

1) Get impregnated by Richard Cheese on October 14th, 2006. (Conception date is based on a 28-day menstrual cycle. Contestants must adjust their conception date based on their own cycle; Richard Cheese and his assignees are not responsible for miscalculated ovulations.) If, due to high demand from other contestants, Richard Cheese is unavailable to "get busy" with you on October 14th, try to schedule him in for the day before or after. In vitro fertilization will not be allowed; only numerous trysts with Richard Cheese will be permitted.
2) Carry the baby for approximately 9 months. Make sure you don't smoke, drink, or do anything else you're not supposed to do, such as riding rollercoasters or dying your hair. Expectant mothers are required to constantly play Richard Cheese CDs to the developing fetus during the entire pregnancy. You may attend birthing classes at your discretion, but at no time is Richard Cheese required to attend the classes with you or sing the words "Breathe!" or "Push!" to you.
3) Deliver the baby on July 7, 2007 in a Las Vegas hospital. Richard Cheese may or may not be there at the birth, depending on how many other mothers/babies he has impregnated/fathered during this contest. Baby can be boy or girl. Please be sure to specify "innie" belly button.
4) Name the baby one of the following:
· "Lucky"
· "Jackpot"
· "Yo"
· "Bellagio"
or, if it's twins:
· "Ace" and "King"
5) Raise the baby yourself. Richard Cheese is not obligated to participate in the rearing of the baby, and will not be responsible for diaper changing, stuffed animal expenditures, assembly of swingsets, child support, college tuition, or teaching the kid how to drive. However, if this lucky baby wins the lottery during its lifetime, Richard Cheese is entitled to half the money!
Additional Rules: Contest is open to 18-year-old females, the hotter the better. Contestants may be subjected to an extensive pre-interview and audition process, including but not limited to several "rehearsals" with Richard Cheese at his sole discretion. Any difficulty or failure by Richard Cheese to consummate with contestants will not reflect poorly on Richard Cheese's virility. Contestants may be asked to wait fifteen minutes or perform arousing monologues. Unauthorized use of Richard Cheese's sperm is prohibited; only official Richard Cheese sperm, subject to verification by a panel of Swedish experts, may be used, while supplies last. You may not claim that your baby is Richard Cheese's baby unless you have indeed been impregnated by Richard Cheese during the course of this contest (see Rule #6 of "Win A Chance To Stalk Richard Cheese" Contest at Judges and obstetricians decisions are final. Late or early births WILL BE DISQUALIFIED. If you have the baby on July 6 or July 8, sorry, tough luck, you can't win 'em all, gamete over. For babies born on dates other than 7/7/7, Richard Cheese should be referred to only as "Uncle Richard." Immaculate conceptions will be considered on a case-by-case basis. No purchase necessary. Based on Richard Cheese's published sperm count and projected stamina, only 126 potential mothers may enter the contest. Entry deadline is October 14, 2006, but additional entries may occur repeatedly if Richard "digs" you. No refunds, exchanges, or returns.

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