Sunday, May 07, 2006

PAFC Newsletter, 5/7/06


A little cream with your coffee? Almost 4000 mothers converged on one spot in Manila to breast-feed, thus setting a new record for the largest number of women simultaneously breast-feeding their babies in the same place at the same time. This is almost as ridiculous as the time the Broncos tried to set a record at a game for the most people doing the Macarena at the same time. Unfortunately, I actually witnessed that.

Short party! A man in Indiana was so excited about being released from jail that he went right out and got drunk. Later that evening he was arrested again for public intoxication. Ah, there’s no place like home!

Any port in a storm. A grandmother in Omaha drove up to a woman’s house, handed her the baby and a diaper bag, and then left. Granny thought it was the home for the child’s daycare, but it was just some random woman’s house. After hours of false child abandonment stories on the local news, the mother showed up at the police station to claim the child. Grandma is never allowed to leave the house again.

Good boy, now here’s yer pot. A woman in PA has been rewarding her son for doing his homework by smoking doobies with him when he’s finished. It could be worse; she could be rewarding him with junk food. Wait, this just in – after the pot smoking they go to 7-11 and buy Twinkies, so, um, never mind.

That’s because NJ sucks. The state of New Jersey has scrapped yet another slogan. It looks like "Come See For Yourself" & "We’ll Win You Over" just can’t make the cut. The Garden State (hey – there’s an idea) should probably just give in and go with "You Can’t Polish a Turd."

Good luck! A Philippines judge is asking for his job back after being fired for claiming he could see into the future and consulting with imaginary dwarfs. I’m guessing mushrooms don’t show up on urine tests in the Philippines.

2 comments:

Bill Purdy said...

Reading the front page of the Sports section in this morning's Raleigh News & Observer, I couldn't help but think of you. The center of the page was devoted to Canes coverage (as it should be), but there was enough room for four other stories, clockwise from top right:

* Spurs story. I can't even tell you who won, such was the extent to which I ignored it.

* Golf story. Something about Jim Furyk. Must've been a tournament over the weekend, maybe The Earl Woods Memorial.

* Requisite NASCAR story, this one on Dale Earnhardt. The N & O is going for a record for consecutive days with a NASCAR story on the front page of the Sports Section, but has a long way to go to catch up with the Darlington Times.

* The kicker: Announcing the new Assitant Coach of the NC State Wolfpack... ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for MONTY TOWE.

And there he was, smiling like he'd just drained his seventh three-pointer in a row.

Pat Angello said...

HOLY CRAP! That is BRILLIANT!

Unfortunately, only to you and me!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!