Monday, April 10, 2006

PAFC Newsletter, 4/10/06

What did we do today? Well, we went for a little walk and played in the fountain in DTC! Someone had a lot of fun, even though she’s too much of a wuss to swim in very far. However, the fountain has some kind of anti-algae chemical in it that makes her smell, well, better! It’s the cheapest bath in town!

Also, it’s Monday! YAY! That means a Random CD Review on the PAFC Music Blog! A little Soul Coughing anyone? Click HERE to read!

At LEAST 50 points! A 82-year-old woman received a $114 ticket for taking too long to cross the street. The officer cited her for obstructing traffic. OK, where are these officers when yer driving through an unsavory part of town and some (insert derogatory word for a less-fortunate person than yourself who is wearing some kind of skull cap and has one hand firmly attached to his crotch to keep his pants up, or whose roll of flab is protruding from between her 3-sizes too small t-shirt and designer jeans) strolls across the street, looking you up and down like they dare you to hit them? Some day, I just might take that dare. I just may be saving a convenience store managers life by doing it!

Wow, I think I just wrote my express ticket to hell right there. Aren’t there some mentally disabled people I can rip on around here?

On the next Maury! A woman is suing an Illinois breeding farm to see who the real father is – of her alpaca. One alpaca was quoted as saying, "All I know is that kid don’t look nuthin’ like me. Besides, Peruvian Lily of the Incas (that’s the mom) is a HO and everyone knows it!"

FYI, you know you've been unemployed too long when you are seeing repeats of Maury - and you're disappointed!

Whatever happened to 2-weeks of vacation?
A couple in Iowa went so far as filing an obituary for their 17-year-old son only to claim a few days off from work in December! I mean, at least start with a great aunt or something – not yer kid who was hanging out at a restaurant, obviously not dead. Iowans!

Old monkey! Hey, Cheeta, the chimp from the old Tarzan movies, is 74! He celebrated by throwing his crap at his keeper and then masturbating on his cake.

Poor Sue Storer! As if the British teacher didn’t have enough trouble with unruly kids, her chair in the classroom made a farting sound. And the school refused to replace it because she is a woman. And because it was HILARIOUS!

There’s no crying in baseball! A college baseball player from Rio Honda Community College in California was suing, well, everyone! The poor baby was hit by a pitch, so he sued the opposing school, the opposing school’s manager, HIS OWN school, the maker of the helmet he was wearing (it cracked) and Oprah. He lost. What’s next – football players suing for being tackled? Hockey goalies suing for slap shots being too hard? Basketball players suing for not being allowed to go into the crowd and open up a can of whoop-ass?

1 comment:

Princess Katy said...

Watch what you say about Iowans baby, remember, you're married to one!! For those of you who don't know me , I have never put my beer cup in my cleavage! That's what my beer cozy is for!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!