Wednesday, April 26, 2006

EMPLOYED!!!


WOOT! I have just been offered a job as a Jr. Product Marketing Manager at Alternative Technology and I’m a-takin’ it! I start on Monday (eek!) and I can’t wait. I’m going to miss Maury like herpes in remission.

Mmm – tastes just like chicken! A man in Tokyo was tired of his mom telling to get a job so he killed her, cut her into pieces, and started to grill up some parts. I know Japanese people eat weird food, but DAMN! FYI, my mother never pressured me to this point while I wan looking for work. I’m actually not sure how it can ever get to this point!

John Lennon speaks! Some freaks performed a séance and claim to have contacted the first dead Beatle. What does he want? Peace. He said to give peace a chance. Yeah, we already knew that, but at least they got some publicity for something absolutely pointless. I contacted Mr. Rogers last night and he said that it’s all about the children. See? Two can play at this game!

While I’m here, how in the hell do you name a character on a kids’ show "Mr. McFeely?" Watch those hands there speedy delivery boy!

Merry Christmas! Wait, it’s only April. Then who’s in the chimney? Oh, it’s creepy naked Michael Urbano. Michael locked himself out of his house so, naturally, he took off all of his clothes and tried to slither down the chimney. There are certainly places on my naked body that I try to avoid rubbing against cement at all costs. Ouch!

Big naturals in China. There’s been a sudden boom in the sales of D-sized bra cups in China.

"It's so different from the past when most young women would wear A- or B-cup bras," Triumph brand saleswoman Zhang Jing told the Shanghai Daily from the Landmark Plaza of China's commercial hub. "You...never expect those thin women to have such nice figures if they are not plastic." (Source: AP News)

Apparently the extended chest size has been credited to Chinese women eating more nutritious food. Well, YAY!

Bleh! Iowa police are trying to figure out who is leaving large trash bags containing vomit in ditches around near Mount (not so) Pleasant. Is there a new modeling agency there?

This guys lawn sucks! A man in NY walked outside to get his paper after 2 days of rain and his yard gave way sucking him down into a cesspool. Hey – he’s got a pool in his yard! His son and neighbor also got sucked in, but managed to get out eventually thanks to the local fire department. Ya know, if I’m ever going to fall into a hole, I hope it’s a hole full of human waste.

Finally, Kenyon Martin can go cry to his mamma!

5 comments:

Derek Knight said...

way to go! We knew you could do it.

Princess Katy said...

I'm really happy that you got a job and all baby, but who will be my house husband now?? Can we marry another wife?

Collin said...

Congrats! What will you be doing?

Danny said...

Yes Pat's back working for the man! congrats! Go Avs!

Heather said...

Congrats on the new job! Good luck!!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!