Thursday, March 02, 2006

Stupid is as stupid does...

Of COURSE you blame the parents! Some stupid punk 12-year-old went on a field trip to an art museum and stuck his chewed gum on a $1.8 (remember, million is ALWAYS implied in the value of art – and the amount of money the babies in the NFL are literally fighting and crying over – WAH!) painting. The kid went to a private school and should know better than that, at least in my opinion. But let’s just keep making excuses for him anyway, shall we:

Holly Academy director Julie Kildee said the boy had been suspended from the charter school and says his parents also have disciplined him. "Even though we give very strict guidelines on proper behavior and we hold students to high standards, he is only 12 and I don't think he understood the ramifications of what he did before it happened, but he certainly understands the severity of it now," said Kildee.

Yeah, but can we punish the parents for not preparing the kid properly for a field trip to an art museum? Then again, this did take place in Detroit.

It doesn’t get any better. Two 14-year-old boys in California tried to steal a plane. Yep, the plane belonged to one of the kids’ dad and they wanted to run away. Instead, they crashed it after it ran out of gas. For some reason, the kids weren’t injured. However, there’s no effin’ way either one will get a car for his 16th birfday!

Not another one! A couple in Ohio got married – at a McDonald’s! They both work there and met there, so it was just natural. Whatever. I met my wife in Jr. High School, but we didn’t wed in the commons next to the multi-colored lockers! However, she DID take a picture of me:

Who would want to visit that? There’s a giant colon on display in Ohio. It’s so big; you can walk right through it. Apparently this display is to help learn ya on the danger signs of colon cancer. Personally, I’ll take the TV ad with the people who are so darn excited to get their exam. But, just because I’m here and I love you all, here’s a Top 11 List!

Top 11 Rejected Names for the 20-Foot Colon:

11) Poop Tube XL

10) Analtropolis

9) Super Sphincter

8) J. Lo

7) Rectum? Damn near KILLED him!

6) Cornholio Dome

5) Stink Tunnel

4) Back Door Entrance to the Paris Hilton

3) The 14th Colony

2) Home of Osama bin Laden

1) Best Little Butt Hole in Ohio!

Rumor has it the tour goes faster if you drink coffee.

What is the deal with the kids today? A boy who gave another boy a titty-twister was sentenced to 4 days in juvenile hall. Are you serious? Quit yer cryin and give him a kitty moustache!

Is that a bomb or a bike? Speaking of overreacting, a bike with a sticker that read: “this bike is a pipe bomb” literally led to a bomb scare in, again, Ohio. What’s the deal with Ohio? Anyway, buildings were evacuated – the bomb squad was called in and everything because of a simple sticker. The best part? It’s the name of a punk rock band! So, just in case you were wondering, you’ll never have to worry about the bomb squad showing up for having a PAFC sticker on your bike. Winky-winky, hint-hint.

A fate worse than death, I guess. A woman in Iowa faked her own death simply to avoid owning up to traffic violations. She had her license suspended, so she faked her death with used a pair of forged documents, including a newspaper web site announcement. Then she was pulled over for speeding and driving with a suspended license. I have to tell you, those Iowa cops caught on pretty quickly after that. Because, ya know, she was alive.


Bill Purdy said...

Ask Beth about Ohio... she'll tell you it's the greatest state in the union (she was born and grew up there, don't'cha know). Clearly, she was oblivious to its plentiful freaks.

Danny said...

That locker shot is awesome. What shool did you two go to? Our lockers were institution tan. And the Zooma Zooma Zoom shirt really brings it all home! -d

Princess Katy said...

Let me tell you baby, you were a total fox in the 7th grade! And what A fine photographer I was! Hadn't yet mastered not getting my finger in the shot!
You're even foxier now and I love you more than soup!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!