Sunday, February 26, 2006

Um, No, YOU Suck!


OK, so I was all excited to perform on Saturday. I got a call Friday night from the guy who was putting on a Gong Show, aka, You SUCK – Get Off The Stage! Anyway, I looked at it as a chance to have some friends come out and see me on a (gasp!) weekend! You see, normally, I only perform on the last Monday of the month at the Bug Theatre. And I will do that again tomorrow, but it’s not exactly the most convenient night for most people to go out. So, here I was, on stage on a weekend, with TV and radio promotions behind the event. I was stoked!

Well, the morons behind this production were too dumb to realize that the show was supposed to start at 8, and doors would open at 7. Instead, they tried to push everything up an hour and held a walk through at 7 with the performers. This kind of upset the crowd as they were waiting forever for the show to start and they were, ya know, drinking. After the thing finally started, they wanted blood.

The first performer was set up to piss people off, get booed, and be a sacrificial lamb. So he went out and started cursing at everyone, telling offensive jokes, and he got what the host wanted: gonged and gone. But the crowd was a little boo-happy and grumpy. The second act, a tranny singing the Violent Femmes, somehow got through her/his/its act. Then I came out and did the puppet thing to Frank Zappa (see 10/10/05 performance HERE). As soon as the puppets came out, the crowd started laughing. Then I heard some rustling and grumbling. The next thing I know, I’m gonged and toast. No big deal, but I’m thinking the crowd didn’t really have much to do with me getting gonged – more like the judges were just being pricks. For some reason, I knew my wife in the crowd was really pissed off.

The next act, gonged. Next one, gonged. Next, gonged. Next, gonged. Seriously, NOBODY was getting through even 1 minute of their performance! I was being held prisoner in the green room and bitching with some of the other performers. "Do the people in the crowd not realize that they paid money to be entertained and kicking people off the stage inside of a minute will lead to a quick waste of dough?" There were two young guys that hit the stage about 2 acts after I did, and they were really good! One played guitar and the other played mandolin and harmonica. The poor kids never had a chance! They looked absolutely shell-shocked in the green room after they were embarrassed for no good reason. Another performer was literally almost in tears as she was booted rather quickly. One older comedian told 2 jokes before he was gonged, and his 83-year-old mother was in the crowd watching him perform for the first time ever!

My point? Here I was, taking a Saturday night to try to get some exposure, inviting friends from all around Colorado, not getting paid, being forced to stay backstage and miss the rest of the performers (like anyone actually GOT to perform), and being made a complete ass of simply so 2 punk-ass bastards who think they are "great comedians" could rule the stage. The only positive thing I personally can say is that I was a last-minute alternate so I didn’t get a chance to call TOO many people. Oh, and I didn’t actually have to audition! Can you believe that these two SOB’s actually had the nerve to make people AUDITION simply so they could destroy their self esteem? The more I think about this, the more pissed off I get! I did have a few people there who had never seen me perform before, and I felt like a complete moron for inviting them.

So, to my friends and fans who actually showed up, I’m sorry. I know it’s not my fault because I had no idea this was coming, but I still feel responsible for ruining your Saturday night for the biggest waste of time in the history of mankind. And, to the 2 guys who created this "competition" simply so they could embarrass performers and make them feel 2 inches tall, well, fuck you! Yep, that’s the first time I’ve used that word on this site, but that’s the only way I can put it. Fuck you both!

Hey, happy Monday!

5 comments:

Derek Knight said...

Well...I guess that's ONE way to get yourself an audience...Invite a load of other performers and not let them perform...Sounds like these two have some self-esteem issues. Or control issues. Either way, I'm glad I don't read blogs on the weekend, I might've shown up...

PammyJean said...

Actually, I saw it as more of a "Let's put on a show and then we can use some of our film school clips that we've never found any other use for" ruse.
It was clear that it was never about the acts -- it was all about these 2 schmucks amusing themselves.
They really blew it. Here they had a full house (which, for a premiere of an act is pretty darn good, I'd think) of people who've paid $5 or $8 (depending on how far in advance the tickets were purchased) apiece, are relaxed with purchased drinks, and they proceeded to piss most of us off. No return engagement for you, my friends.
The gong show thing could have worked, had they actually left it to the audience's real opinion, and not goaded us into booing/verbally harassing every act. There were a couple of acts that really deserved to be gonged, and a couple (yours included) that -- had they been allowed to continue for more than 30 seconds -- would have been great hits.

I'll have to really bite my tongue to keep from shouting "YOU SUCK -- GET OFF THE STAGE, YOU PRICK!" if Ben shows up at Freak Train tonight. But bite it I will, because Freak Train has it right -- let people do their thing, and if you don't like it, relax -- it can only last 5 minutes.

Princess Katy said...

You tell 'em Pammy Jean!! These guys were so wrapped up in displaying their incredibly immature humor, that they didn't even realize what an opportunity they were throwing away. I hope they invest whatever money they made on Sat. night wisely, 'cause they won't be making another dime in this town!!
And to you two idiots, watch yer back, after all, Chuck Barris was a CIA Assasin!!

DEJO said...

As Pat's unofficial "video bitch" I wanted to attend and record Pat doing his Zappa puppets routine to a, what looked to be, much larger audience. Little did I know they'd be so hostile. I never figured Pat would get gonged. Who wouldn't find that routine funny and entertaining?

But if all the performers getting gonged wasn't bad enough, the worst part was the second "video intermission" which was a parody of 50's-style PSAs. This little tidbit kept pausing and playing back so poorly it was booed as much as the average performer that night, at least, and was even gonged THREE times! And yet they let it continue. At this point, it was pretty obvious this was a showcase for the organizers and not at all about the volunteer performers. What a crock!

I'm glad I didn't have to pay for my ticket, since I would've seriously wanted my money back.

And now we all can appreciate Freak Train so much more. It's important to note that Ben Kronberg did not make an appearance at Freak Train two nights later. Hmm...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, maybe the audience was a little "boo-happy" for the first show, but the second and third shows (which actually had performers with real talent other than the guy who won) were really entertaining. Honestly, how can you expect not to be gonged at the show called, "You Suck, Get Off the Stage?" with lip-synching puppets? I think those Wrist Deep guys are geniuses, but their stuff is definitely not for the weak of heart.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!