Sunday, February 26, 2006

Get Up! It's MONDAY!

Hey! It must be Monday! And that means another Random Monday CD Review! Click HERE to read about Static-X!

FREE BEER! Like I care. Some drunks in Wisconsin stole a semi trailer of Miller beer. Mmm – Genuine Draft! The truck had a value of about $26K, which is about a weekend supply for Bode Miller. Dude, can you straddle just ONE MORE gate? HA!

Time to clean! Some guy in Louisiana did a little house cleaning and found an old lottery ticket worth $800K! Like this slob needs to win money. I think he needs to share and send about 10% of his winnings to a nice, unemployed man in Colorado.

Is it 1970 all over again? A streaker ran across the ice during a curling event in Turin during the Olympics last week. Well, something has to liven up that competition! I hear Carol Channing has a similar stunt planned for the Oscars next week. Hey, at least people WATCH the Oscars.

Can’t you do that at home? A woman trying to cheat on a drug test used a convenience store to nuke the fake penis she was going to bring into the drug test. Not like I know these things, but apparently you need to warm up the member so it would have a realistic body temp. Then she had a man ask a clerk to microwave the thing as it was wrapped in a paper towel. The clerk saw the unit and thought Lorena Bobbit was in town for a convention.

Oh good LORD! It seems Jesus Christ is EVERYWHERE these days – salt stains in an underpass, corn flakes. Now, some moron working at a hardware store is trying to sell a piece of sheet metal with the image of Jesus on it. Oh, and he’s actually got a “buy it now” price of $10K on it! My wife made me pancakes today and one kinda looked like Craig Morton, but I went ahead and ate it anyway. I mean, what kind of luck is that? Craig Morton?

That’s just sick! A museum in Washington that hosts “medical oddities” will have to move from Washington to a new location. I’m not sure I care where it moves to, because there is no way I want to visit a huge human hairball removed from some poor girl who chewed her hair.


Bill Purdy said...

First, a picture of a drunk guy on a broken toilet. Then, a picture of Carol Channing. CAROL CHANNING! Then, at last, you slay me with that Craig Morton story. If I wasn't in Hawai'i right now, I'd be complimenting you from North Carolina instead. Nice job, Patrick! Huzzah!

Collin said...

Yes, 'cause it would be the cold urine that would arouse suspicion, not a woman with a penis.

Bill Purdy said...

That penis-shaped drug test thwarter (heh, I typed "thwarter") was the same one found in the possession of some famous athlete last spring. Onterrio Smith, of the Minnesota Vikings, was it not?

Is it really that hard to not use drugs for a few years, while you bank a few million bucks for playing a game?

Derek Knight said...

so how was Freak Train?

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!