Friday, January 06, 2006

PAFC Newsletter, 1/6/06

What else would I do on a day where I was told the funding for my position has run out and I’m being terminated on 1/31/06?

BLOG, Baby! And I’m doing it from work! (Like that’s never happened before!)

BTW, if anyone in the Denver metro area needs a slightly off-kilter marketing guy (or knows someone who knows someone), email me at

WARNING! This post may be a little, um, bitter! Expect a lot of these: !!!!!

A church in Oregon is selling toilet paper to raise money to send members (I said members) on a mission to Costa Rica. Maybe I could sell toilet paper on the corner! Personally, I would have the church do a bikini car wash – with nuns!

An artist in California went out to the desert, bound his feet together with chains for a picture he wanted to draw, and then realized he lost the key to the restraints. The guy had to hop for 12 hours through the desert until he found a gas station and called for help. Heh! Why not just draw your feet, erase an area around the shins, and THEN draw the chain? How many doobies did this guy smoke to get this stupid?

Sign number 143,588 that cats are the Devil’s creatures: A cat in NJ traveled under an SUV for 70 miles and lived to meow about it. Another driver saw the cat under the car and told the oblivious driver to pull over. Then he kicked the cat, shot it twice, and threw it off a cliff. "5 down, 4 to go!"

I’m proud of our Olympians! Especially Bode Miller, who talks about skiing drunk. He claims it’s not easy and doesn’t recommend it. Can you get ticketed for SUI? When he dies from hitting a tree, there will be no need for a toxicology report.

Tragedies happen in 3’s during the holidays. 3 sisters gave birth on 3 straight days in Missouri. What are the odds? Probably as astronomical as me having a new job in 3 weeks!

Thank you, I’ll be here all month.




Personalized plate is downfall of dumb criminal. OK, so we have a personalized license plate that says AVSFANS. It’s actually gotten us OUT of tickets before in this state. But if yer dumb enough to have a plate that say FINDME and then you go try to rob a bank, well don’t be surprised when cops, um, find you.

"Can you tell us anything about the car?"

"Yeah, it had personalized plates that read FINDME."

"Easiest job ever!"

A man in Colorado (YAY!) found a condom in a filbert nut. Some brilliant kid drilled a hole in the nut, emptied it out, stuffed a bright colored condom inside, and then put some wood filler over the hole. The nut was then thrown in with a bunch in a local Wal-Mart. Effin’ brilliant! At least the people who got the nut laughed instead of suing Wal-Mart!

How dumb are Americans? (That's somewhat rhetorical.) Click HERE to find out!

Hmm – let’s see. Pay a $300 fine for disturbing the peace, or REALLY get your money’s worth out of the charge by lighting yourself on fire in the courtroom. Oh, what the heck – you only live once!

Remind me never to go swimming in Spain. A Spanish long distance swimmer fought off a jelly fish and puked a little while crossing from the Spanish mainland to the island of Ibiza. Is this really what the world is coming to – making sure everyone knows you’re a complete moron in order to get your 15 minutes of fame?

Happy freakin’ Friday everyone!


Monkey said...

Bravo!! Great post my friend!!!

Sus said...

"This post may be a little, um, bitter! Expect a lot of these: !!!!!?

YEA! BRING IT ON!! Nothing like some bitterness to cleanse the system!

As I told Katy, I'll keep you two in my thoughts. Sending ya a big hug.

TheIdleReceptionist said...

Boo. I hope you get a new job soon!

Collin said...

Holy crap! How did I miss this? I'm even on your notify and I still missed it until today. I'm really bummed to hear this. The "job loss" part; the rest of it was amusing. I hope you rebound soon!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!