Tuesday, December 06, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 12/6/05

How windy is it?

It was so windy yesterday; one of the stoplights near work literally blew off the wire and ended up in our parking lot – a half mile away! It was so windy; a 15’ sign on steel poles broke in half. It was so windy; a door to enter the building broke. Now, it’s windy and snowy. Bleh!

It’s about that time of year again – time to hear from the 0.5% of people offended by religion. Like I said before, shut up and get over it! Just like these people in Kansas! Subway restaurants are promoting a salmon sandwich and using the tag line, "Another reason you’re lucky not to live in Kansas." Well, some Topeka folks strayed all the way to Oregon and were offended by this little slogan. Hey, it’s funny! Do you think I should go out and protest the film Things to do in Denver When You’re Dead? People are too damn sensitive anymore and I’m pretty tired of it. It’s a sad country when the smallest percentage of the population forces us to change everything that has been traditional. For instance, I refuse to call it a "holiday" tree. It’s a frucking Christmas tree because that’s what it symbolizes! Do you think the Jews feel better when people call it a holiday tree? They’re laughing at us! Should we call it a "holiday" menorah?

Speaking of tradition. OK, well almost. They are burning the straw goat in Sweden again. Though it’s not an official tradition, vandals have set this large straw goat ablaze to kick off the holiday season. The goat, she is clean, no?

Some of these are for a very selective audience.

Heck, this is worse than C.M. Zoo! One of the oldest boarding schools in the nation is about to get a name change. Now, you may find this hard to believe, but people made fun of the "Governor Dummer Academy." I know – it’s shocking. However, as of 1/1/06, the school will be called "Seriously, We’re a Bunch of Idiots Boston Country Day School."

Speaking of idiots. This "arsonist" tried three times to burn down a salon. Eventually, he set himself on fire. That is called "ironicness!"

Speaking of irony. (Yes, I know the word above does not actually exist – I have spell check. It is again intended for a selective audience. Mainly my wife.) A pizza delivery guy went to drop off a pie to a customer. When the customer handed the delivery guy a credit card, it just happened to be the same card that was stolen from the delivery guy just days before! That’s serious ironicness!

Now I’m hungry! In Denmark, a taxi driver bit off the fingertip of a passenger. This all came about from an argument over how many people can fit in a cab. These passengers were a bunch of clowns!

While we’re at it, a man in NY was arrested for biting the head off a gecko. Who does he think he is? Somehow this $10 bet doesn’t really seem worth the time in jail.

Who says drugs kill brain cells? A woman in Tennessee was in a home and saw a block of Brie. She thought it was cocaine, so she tried to hire a hit man to break into the house, kill the four men that lived there, and then steal the cheese/drugs. Obviously dumber than a, well, block of cheese, she approached an undercover police officer and asked him to do the hit. Then she started a reality TV show with Nicole Richie.

Santa’s rejects! Five deer in West Virginia wandered onto the 5th level of a parking garage. All were stoned out of their mind and tried to fly. None of them made it.

Another police lawsuit in the making. Police ticketed an illegally parked car, then had it impounded. However, they didn’t realize that the driver was sleeping inside the car. Well, when you’re 85-years-old, it takes a lot to wake you up!

Al Sharpton wants his own sitcom. Um, Al Sharpton IS his own sitcom!

The new Pope received a gift this week. The makers of Ferrari vehicles gave the Pope a Ferrari Formula 1 steering wheel. His reaction? "Where the hell is the rest of it!"


TheIdleReceptionist said...

I had never seen pictures of the Spice Girls before their fame and makeovers...

Bill Purdy said...

UGH! I am on a dialup, in a hotel in Mobile, AL! I can't download half your links!

I promise I'll do so as soon as I get home, which should be sometime either today or tomorrow. Promise!

BTW... I finally posted to my blog again. Enjoy!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!