Thursday, December 15, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 12/15/05


Leave it to Good Ol’ J-Net (aka the Wild One!) to send me this classic link! These two lovely ladies on the left here attended Big Daddy’s strip club in the wee hours of the morning. Sounds like a classy joint! They spent “several hours” in the club getting hammered. Hey, no biggie – until you find out that they left a 3-month-old baby in the car! The temp was about 32 degrees outside, but they were nice and toasty warm inside groping banana hammocks. At least they thought enough about the child (belonging to the skank on the left in the picture) to keep it away from the second-hand smoke inside the club.

Didn’t I just post a Darwin Awards thigie? In case you didn’t get enough, here’s an article about some more freaks from 2005.

Before I get TOO into this little newsletter, don’t forget to enter my 1-year BLOGGIVERSARY contest! Yep, I’ve been making fun of idiots for a full year now! Well, at least on Saturday it will be a full year. So, click here to enter the contest and win a 4-CD set of my favorite tunes!!!

It’s about time! The Pittsburgh Penguins FINALLY fired their coach, Eddie Olczyk, and replaced him with former Montreal Canadiens coach Michel Therrien. Pittsburgh is LOADED with talent, but their record stinks like my dog. Something has got to turn this team around because OLN broadcasts them all the damn time. It’s no fun to tune in and watch Super Rookie Sidney Crosby lose by 4 goals.

Speaking of hockey, go check out my unbelievably cool new Colorado Avalanche Blog. It’s now listed on HockeyBlogs.org!

Why did this take so long? A jail in Iowa now features cells with pink walls. That is effin’ brilliant! Nothing makes a man feel like a man like pink walls. Our next-door neighbors had pink walls in their bedroom, but they were gay – not that there’s anything wrong with that! Wait a second. Don’t guys already, ya know, get “close” in jail? I don’t think the pink walls are gonna help prevent that.

A man in traction “escaped” from the hospital. The dude has both arms in casts and a halo on his head. How hard will it be to find this guy? I’m sure he can’t run very fast.

What is wrong with people? Some freak in NY has an anti-Christmas display featuring a Santa statue covered in splattered blood and holding a severed head. Wait – I know whose behind this!

Learning at a young age! Three grade-schoolers were arrested in Indiana for counterfeiting money. Color copiers ROCK!

Only in Rio De Janeiro! Officials are working on a bill to add a third type of bathroom – for transvestites. Why not just go unisex? Oh yeah, people freak if there’s not an empty stall/urinal between them and whoever else is in the bathroom. And there’s the 3’ rule while waiting in line at the urinal in sports arenas. OK, never mind!

Wait – more potty talk! A man in San Francisco has created a toilet that warms yer bum and washes it too – like having a built-in bidet. I have two issues with this product: 1) It costs about $500; 2) It’s called the Swash. Horrible name! So, just because I love you all so much, here’s a new Top 11 List for you!

Top 11 Rejected Names for the Swash!

11) Asswoosh!

10) Bubblin’ Bum Blaster

9) Analyswish

8) Hiene Hoser

7) Boom from Behind

6) Ass Lapper

5) Enema Pal

4) I Can’t Believe It’s Washing My Ass!

3) Sooper Soaker 3

2) Fire In The Hole!

1) Rectal Rooter

How’s breakfast?

Dogs are worth saving more than some people. A fireman in Massachusetts gave a dog mouth-to-snout resuscitation to bring the dog back to life (hence the term resuscitation). The dog was stuck in a house fire when the fireman pulled the puppy out, noticed it was seizing, and he went to work. I know one dog I wouldn’t save from a fire.

Let’s see, where was I going again? A Polish man went for a bike ride in his hometown and ended up in London. I know, it sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield joke, but it’s true! The 84-year-old man left Poland last week and was found a few days ago wandering around in London. I wonder if he plays piano too?

2 comments:

d-lee said...

Actually, that Iowa jail may have been modeled after some jail cells right here in North Carolina. Sheriff Gerald Hege of Davidson County, NC gained national notoriety a few years ago by painting his jail cells pink and putting teddy bears and stuff like that in there with the inmates. He also painted big spider webs on his squad cars and always wore military/riot gear. He's a totally crazy dude.

Bill Purdy said...

The "lovely lady" pictured on the left at the top of this post looks like a beaten Kirsten Dunst. And the other one looks like Jeff Gilooly.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!