Monday, December 12, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 12/12/05


A 38-year-old virgin? Some dope in Rhode Island actually decorated his home for the holidays as a Paris Hilton shrine. I’m ill – seriously. I mean, at least pick someone attractive! Hilton is a skanky, spoiled waif that doesn’t know what religion is. This guy needs to switch hands.

Equally as scary, Shaq is now a police officer. Shaquille O’Neal was sworn in as a reserve cop in Miami last week. Is it just me, or should basketball players NOT have guns?

Go fly a kite. Unless you live in Pakistan. The government has banned the making and/or flying of kites. Apparently Muslims oppose an annual kite-flying festival because it is considered a Hindu festival. I’m thinking it’s just an excuse to fly a kite. What do I know? After all, Christmas is all about gifts and has nothing to do with religion, right?

As seen on TV! Cops in NY arrested local TV superhero (who calls himself Banana Boy) when they saw a staged knife fight. The cops thought it was real and got involved. I just want to know who in their right mind would create a superhero named Banana Boy? Was Mango Man taken?

Another reason why I won’t live in NY. A new school called Rodent Control Academy has recently opened, teaching people how to bait and trap rats. Not my kind of school, but the rat population in NY is at an all-time high. Bleh! Maybe I SHOULD move there and become a kick-ass exterminator?

It was only a matter of time. A lesbian biker "group" now holds a trademark on “Dykes on Bikes.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that! I’m sure they are all lovely women.

The oldest woman in the world is a 116-year-old woman from Ecuador. When asked how she felt about her tremendous feat, the woman simply replied, "is it puddin’ time?"

So what would he have won? A 91-year-old man in London lost a bet by staying alive past the first week in December. The man made the bet so his wife would not have to pay taxes on inheritance if he died. Better safe than sorry I guess.

A man in France drove 11 miles on the wrong side of the highway. Maybe he would have gotten a clue after hitting one person, but he kept going. He hit another and caused a major injury, and STILL didn’t stop. Finally, he hit a car head-on and killed one adult and injuring two children. He was sober and coherent. WTF?

***So, to end on a more fun note, don’t forget to enter my 1-year BLOGGIVERSARY contest! You can win a 4-CD set of Pat Angello’s favorite tunes! Oh, and check out my new Colorado Avalanche blog!

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