Wednesday, November 30, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 11/30/05

All that glitters is NOT gold! I mentioned Gary Glitter last week, and things are getting more disturbing about this guy! As you may (or may not) know, Glitter’s “Rock and Roll Part II” is the song played whenever the home team (Broncos or Avalanche) scores and the crowd yells, “Hey” on queue. However, the sick bastard is currently being held in a Vietnam prison for raping children that are 11, 12, and 17 years old, as well as a few between 18 and 23. Where are the parents of these children? Is he “paying” for them? No matter, the 61-year-old Glitter obviously has some serious issues and it is certainly time for us as sports fans to find a new celebration song, because I can’t hear that 30-year-old tune anymore! So, I will leave it in your hands – please leave a comment with any suggestions. Here are 20 alternative tunes to get you started:

  1. “Land of a Thousand Dances” (Wilson Pickett)
  2. “Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)” (Steam)
  3. “One by One” (Foo Fighters)
  4. “That’s The Way I Like It” (KC & the Sunshine Band)
  5. “Woohoo” (Blur)
  6. “Another One Bites the Dust” (Queen)
  7. “Hey Man Nice Shot” (Filter)
  8. “Louie, Louie” (The Kingsmen)
  9. “Shook Me All Night Long” (AC/DC)
  10. “Shout” (The Isley Brothers)
  11. “I Got You (I Feel Good)” (James Brown)
  12. “Mony, Mony” (Tommy James and the Shondells)
  13. “Blitzkrieg Bop (Hey, Ho, Let’s Go)” (The Ramones)
  14. “I’m the Man” (Joe Jackson)
  15. “Rock and Roll All Night” (Kiss)
  16. “Pump It Up” (Elvis Costello)
  17. “Ready to Go” (Republica)
  18. “Jump Around” (House of Pain)
  19. “Wooly Bully” (Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs)
  20. “Taking Care of Business” (BTO)

Almost as sad, Nick and Jessica are over. I cried. I mean, who else could tolerate her stupidity and that Tourette Syndrome tick of hers when she “sings?” Maybe she can find help online somewhere?

I’m dreaming. However, some day I fully intend on being a “famous” blogger. Maybe I should learn how to write gooder?

Sorry, I mean “more good.”

What’s in a name? There are pro athletes with silly names like Coco Crisp, Milton Bradley, and Jake Plummer that probably were made fun of as children. However, these athletes overcame that obstacle and went on to succeed at their profession. The same cannot be said for a man unfortunately named Ronald MacDonald. Ronald has been caught stealing money from the safe at work. He works for Wendy’s Hamburgers. Sour grapes? Possibly! He would have gotten away with it if he didn’t trip over his size 28 shoes.

This is just horrible! A 15-year-old girl died from a peanut allergy after her boyfriend kissed her. He had just consumed a peanut butter snack. Ya gotta feel for the guy, who probably knew nothing about the allergy and was simply making out with his girlfriend like most teens do. This reminds me of a song by Dokken for some reason.

What is it with the Pack? A second fan ran onto the field as the Packers were playing on the road this season. This time, in Philly, some dude was spreading the ashes of his dead mother on the field in the middle of a game. Because waiting until after the game would have disgraced her?

And you thought YOUR mother-in-law was bad? A woman in PA poured bleach into mac-n-cheese in an attempt to poison her daughter, grandchildren, and her daughter’s boyfriend. Geez – the worst thing my mother-in-law has done is ask me to move furniture for a church garage sale. Well, so far that is.

Hey man, nice shot (part 2). A young boy “accidentally” shot a man in an outhouse. The kid claims he missed during target practice, but there is an investigation going on about if the boy knew someone was in the outhouse or not. Personally, I need to concentrate pretty hard in there. The last thing I need is someone taking pot shots at me!

Wait; let me rub my eyes here. A farmer in PA is painting his cows hunter-safety orange. Ya know, I saw orange-flavored Broncos milk at the grocery store last night. This explains it!

I’m a big Tampa Bay Bucs fan. Not sure why, just always have been since they came into the league. However, Florida kinda scares me. The state is nothing but illegal immigrants, old people, and strip clubs. Not a good combination. Last week, a 40-foot mobile home at the Bucs’ game was turned into a strip club, because ANYTHING in Florida can be turned into a strip club! This almost explains the Carolina cheerleaders visit to Tampa a few weeks ago.

Bring it ON, little Missie! A 76-year-old woman in Omaha had her head slammed into a recycle bin by a 17-year-old girl hoping to steal the old ladies car. Instead, Pearl Fritts got up and turned around with her dukes up! Scared, the teenager took off running. Float like a butterfly; sting like a beehive hair-do!

How many fingers am I holding up? Apparently, for this “fingernail designer” in Austria, none! This man decided that the best way to collect on the insurance policy he took out on his hands would be to sever his own fingers on a train track. Would you cut off your fingers for a cool $1(remember, million is always implied in insurance fraud – and the number of people who didn’t know Ron Dayne was a Denver Bronco until Thanksgiving)?

OK, I’ve got my hands full with just one! 4 women in Saudi Arabia have married the same man. It’s a convenience marriage for all as the 4 women lived far away from their jobs as teachers. The man was their driver, because women are not allowed to drive there. So, they all married the driver. Yep, in Saudi Arabia you can have up to 4 wives. I’m happy with just one, thanks!


Bill Purdy said...

Actual text of IM message I received from Pat this afternoon:

Pat Angello: Thanks for the comment on my blog. It made me laugh!
wjpurdy: It was pretty funny.
Pat Angello: Oh, wait
wjpurdy: It was!

Then, Pat went on and on about how I HADN'T commented to his blog, how NOBODY had commented, how he was so depressed he was considering quitting the blogging thing altogether.

So, I've done my part. Now where's everybody else?

Pat Angello said...

Hey now - I didn't get THAT emotional. Just wondering where Old Reliable was - and hoping for some ideas of songs!

TheIdleReceptionist said...

Does that Gary Glitter fellow ACTUALLY have the words, "Hello Children," on the album? Or was that supersribed by you for homo-pedophillic effect?

Either way, yikes.

What a sick fuck.

Pat Angello said...

Um, yeah, that was me. So was the change in title from Greatest Hits to hit...

Queen of Ass said...

I'm so happy you have hockey listings on your blog! I think I'm in love! (So much for the you only having one wife thing!)

East Side said...

Remember, everytime "Rock & Roll Pt.1" is played at these sporting events, Glitter gets paid good money! Does that piss you off? Good! Write to the teams, demand they stop playing it!

Sus said...

Ok, that peanut allergy thing is just plain creepy!

Being as I had my first date this past weekend and just before he kissed me he asked if I'd get sick if I kissed him after he'd just eaten a mint (I'm allergic to me a nasty headache and tummy ache). Thankfully all was fine (including the kiss!).

Los Angeles Weigth Loss Program said...

I became a bit emotional but after some time things came back to normal.The best way is to tackel the situation in a cool way...

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!