Thursday, November 17, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 11/17/05


Dun-dun-dunnnn-dun-HEY! Gary Glitter is in trouble again. The former pop star responsible for "Rock and Roll (Part 2)" (a song that is played at many sporting events when the home team [Avs or Broncos] score and we all yell "HEY!") likes them a little young. Glitter was convicted in 1999 in Britain for possessing child porn. In 2002, he was booted from Cambodia on an unspecified criminal charge. Seriously, what do you have to do to get kicked out of Cambodia? Now, he’s in Hanoi where he is living with a (wait for it...) 15-year-old girl! Glitter, now 61, is on the lamb and could face the death penalty in Vietnam. This goes way beyond robbing the cradle! Time to find a new song everyone!

Not sure how this happened, but I have MORE on robbing the cradle! A 37-year-old woman wed a 15-year-old boy in Georgia (like you couldn’t guess). Do I hear banjos? This is a little better than Gary Glitter, but not really. Oh, and she’s pregnant, of course. If you’ll excuse me, I just threw up in the back of my throat a little.

Sorry, but it gets worse before it gets better. A school superintendent has been arrested for placing a camera that looks like an air freshener in the women’s bathroom at high school. OK, so it’s at least a faculty restroom, but come ON people!

Nice lid! KC has been approved by NFL owners to host a Super Bowl. Oh, yeah! When I think Super Bowl, I think KC in January! What the hell? However, in order to host the Super Bowl, KC must put a rolling roof on Arrowhead Stadium, which will run about $100-$200 (remember, million is ALWAYS implied in professional sports stadium costs – and the number of people who SHOULD have watched Arrested Development!), not to mention the other $300 the stadium needs in upgrades. So, for a mere $500, KC could have a Super Bowl. The breath holding begins............NOW!

Vitamin B-12 my ass! MLB owners have finally agreed to have a real steroid policy. First offense has jumped up from 10 days to 50 games! Second offense is 100 games and third is a lifetime ban. Welcome back, Barry Bonds!

How did this take so long? People arrested for DUI may have special license plates. I think they should have something else called a special bus pass! Speaking of bus passes; RTD in Denver is about to raise rates on certain routes. Not the express routes because those were just raised last year and are among the highest of all cities. But the less fortunate that ride the bus in town are still very upset. A monthly bus pass has gone from $45 to $54. One woman said, "If I had that kind of money, I’d buy a car." Yeah, the extra $9 per month is gonna get you quite the vehicle!

So, what’s next for Michael Jackson? Apparently he’s "stirred up more controversy" by walking into a women’s bathroom at a mall in Dubai. Then again, you can’t be too sure about, um, him anyway.

Sounds delicious! A zoo in Thailand is not only showing exotic animals, but also offering them up for dinner. However, in Thailand, dog is considered exotic. (FYI, that’s not a racial slur, it’s actually written in the article!) So what was the point again? I think PETA is on line 1.

Seen it! A mother in Oklahoma is making her poorly behaved daughter stand on the street holding a sign that reads, "I didn’t do my homework and I act up in school so my parents are preparing me for my future." I think we’ve all seen this attempted before by "radical" moms who usually find Jesse Jackson on their doorstep by the weekend. But you gotta see the pic of this kid – priceless!

New Jersey needs a new slogan. 10% of the submissions for this little contest have been comical, so why should I do something serious? Here’s a top 11 for ya!

Top 11 Rejected Slogans for New Jersey:

11) What did I step in?

10) At least we’re not Arkansas!

9) Home of Bruce and Bon Jovi, but don’t hold that against us!

8) Not quite New York, but at least close in proximity.

7) Snniiffff! Ahh…(hack-cough-gack!) Oh, forget that one.

6) Where the mayor can unknowingly do fake land deals for her son (some of these are personal, folks).

5) Because Pennsylvania is too hard to spell.

4) Come try our kick-ass salsa!

3) Did we already mention Springsteen yet?

2) Mostly above sea level.

1) Sure it smells like crap at first, but after a while, it kinda smells like pizza!

I’ll pass, thanks! People in Boston are a little upset about an online auction featuring art by a serial killer. Who would want to buy this stuff anyway? Have you seen the creepy clown paintings by John Wayne Gacy? Bleh! And where does the money go? RIGHT BACK TO THE KILLER! Now I understand why the city is pissed! Maybe the money should go, oh, I don’t know, to the family of the people he killed? I’m sure he’s not paying any damages to them now. Again I just threw up in the back of my throat!

The Florida bar has ethics? Who knew? The bar is, you guessed it, suing a law firm for using pit bulls in their ads. The firm was trying to show that they are aggressive lawyers, but the bar thinks that’s too aggressive. Oh yeah, because lawyers are so easy going and sweet.

OK, I’m off until Monday – have a lovely weekend!

2 comments:

Heather said...

God, Gary Glitter is a scary looking guy. And pretty sick, too.

Bill Purdy said...

Hurts to give PETA credit for anything besides being a$$holes, but that picture of the meat-wrapped people is downright spooky! Nice job, PETA!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!