Sunday, November 13, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 11/13/05

I feel nauseas! I saw a TV promo for the AMA’s (that would stand for American Music Awards) and the “featuring” celebs mentioned were: Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff. I’m sorry, but I thought these were the American MUSIC Awards! And you wonder why I boycott all awards shows and hold my own! It started when Jethro Tull won a Grammy in the “heavy metal” category way back when Metallica clearly had the metal album of the year. Sorry – I’m starting to get wound up, but that made about as much sense as the Country Music Awards being held in New York!

A restaurant owner in Mississippi is being accused of selling snake meat. The guy killed the snake with a lead pipe and offered it to customers. That would be the restaurateur in the kitchen with a lead pipe. I win! I wonder how many ounces of snake meat count as one serving of protein on this new diet I’m on.

Stoners are dumb. A man in CA thought someone was trying to break into his home, so he called the cops. When the cops arrived and checked inside the house, they found $100K in pot – including an 8’ tall marijuana plant! There were also syringes and a methamphetamine pipe. Would you, ya know, try to hide the stuff or something? Oh, and there’s a "Neighborhood Watch Association" sign in the guy’s front yard.

OK, I’m watching the Nuggets’ game and the Timberwolves have just gotten their second technical for taunting – and they’re DOWN by 17 in the 4th quarter! How can you be showboating???

It’s hot in Florida - especially in the prisons, where inmates are cooking up hot sauces. I don’t really want to know what the secret ingredient is!

Chris Mortensen of ESPN was stupid enough to predict Terrell Owens would end up in Denver eventually. There are 3 reasons why this is incorrect: 1) Mike Shanahan will NOT deal with Drew Rosenhaus; 2) the Broncos don’t need another receiver, no matter what the “experts” say; 3) the Broncos don’t throw the ball nearly enough to entice TO. And frankly, I’m so sick of all the attention the guy is getting on TV. I’m pretty sure the morning NFL show on ESPN dedicated about 45 minutes to a guy who isn’t playing. And why isn’t the guy playing? Because he’s an imbecile! He’s made a complete ass out of himself, and the media loves it. I’m personally sick of it, but then I just dedicated my longest paragraph of this newsletter to the guy. Someone stop me before I do this again!

My brother and I honestly debated whether or not to mute the Bronco game and listen to the radio while we watched. The reason we had to discuss this? Two words: Dick Enberg. Honestly, he’s the most annoying play-by-play guy on TV. It doesn’t matter which sport, he just has a knack of pulling inane facts about players from literally nowhere. "And it’s a first down for the former pro beach volleyball sand raker! Oh my!" Fortunately, NBC actually let the Navajo Network play-by-play announcer call a few plays. I didn’t understand a word they said, but it was better than, "now the 1989 4th-place finisher of the 3rd-grade, tri-county chess tournament can add a blocked punt to his resume!" Whatever!

Speaking of the Bronco game, there were rumors during the bye-week that Jake Plummer should be considered for NFL MVP. Coming into today’s game, Jake and Raider QB Kerry Collins had identical TD-INT ratios – 12-3. Jake had not thrown an INT in 6 straight games, and Collins threw one last week (otherwise he’d have a better ratio). Today, Jake is 13-3, and Collins is 14-6. I remember laughing in the pre-season when someone said Jake could be MVP of the league. Now I’m not laughing. But I am grinning!

I have a new favorite entertainment magazine called GIANT. It's a monthly publication, so it's not as timely as EW. However, I kinda like the features a little better. Except for one - a feature called That Ain't Right. TAR shows a one-hit-wonder artist and tells you the classic albums that the loser outsold. For instance, Billy Ray Cirus' Some Gave All (yep, the one with "Achy Breaky Heart") outsold Led Zeppelin I, And Justice For All (Metallica), Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon & Garfunkel), Achtung Baby (U2), Pump (Aerosmith), Off The Wall (Michael Jackson), Blood Sugar Sex Magic (Red Hot Chili Peppers), The Cars, Janet (Janet Jackson), and Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd). There's your depressing start to Monday morning. You're welcome!

OK, I need to make a small addendum to the Primetime Hotties article. I didn’t realize that Julie Bowen was back on primetime TV, because I don’t watch Boston Legal. So here’s a pic for ya!


Pat Angello said...

Honestly SHOCKED that there are no comments about this post. After the first paragraph, I figured the entire country would feel shame. I guess this is what America wants?

dejo said...

I'm still in shock and haven't been able to get my brain functioning enough to respond. I mean, really. OMFG!

On the other hand, Julie Bowen IS a primetime hottie. I loved her on "Ed". And she does a fine job guest-spotting as Jack's patient / fiancé / wife on "Lost".

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!