I have to say, when this whole Terrell Owens thing ends, I’m gonna miss it like herpes in remission. His agent, Drew Rosenhaus, is the biggest a-hole in sports. I think every client he has would be wise to fire him and get a new representative. When Clinton Portis hired Rosenhaus, Shanahan traded him. When Rueben Droughns hired Rosenhaus, Shanahan traded him. So you see a trend here? I loved the reporter that asked Rosenhaus, "Besides getting TO suspended, what have you done for him?" Rosenhaus responded with, "Next question." Do you know why? Because he KNOWS he’s done nothing but destroy TO’s career and the Eagles’ season! The more athletes that dump him, the better. And congrats to the Eagles for moving on.
Rafael Palmeiro won’t be charged with perjury. Apparently, pointing your finger at the Supreme Court and lying like a rug means nothing. Phillies’ pitcher, Ugueth Urbina, was formally charged with attempted murder finally. He allegedly helped a few men pour gasoline on people and try to ignite them. Oh, so THAT’S not legal. Baseball has weird rules!
But we were SO CLOSE! My old joke has been: why do all the TALENTED and good celebrities die in horrible disasters and crashes? You know, like Stevie Ray Vaughan, Lady Di, etc. How come we never hear about a bus crash involving a crappy boy band or something? All I can say is ALMOST! Paris Hilton was in a minor fender-bender and it made the news. Next time, I want blood. Seriously. I don’t want to hear about it until there’s a graphic under her picture with a beginning year and an ending year. This is my dream, and you’re all invited.
Now I know why women take forever in the bathroom, and why they go in pairs! Apparently a pair of Carolina Panthers cheerleaders held up the potty line in a
"I tell ya. Way back when, Willie used to go up that hill there. Heh. He’d go up there and Willie would take a piss right there on that tree. Well, one day, that tree, she just broke right in two. HEH-HEH-HEH! Yep, that’s why they call him Bill."
Flat chested women can sometimes get a little desperate. Not that it should matter, but sometimes they go to extremes to stuff. For instance, there is a woman in
The Chinese have built a fuzzy bra. If I wore this, you’d never be able to tell.
While we’re over there,
And I thought
He saw dead people – now he’s fired. A security guard in
Here’s why I don’t own a Mercedes. (OK, so it’s ONE reason!) An ostrich escaped from its pen and beat up a Mercedes. If I spent all my dough (HAHA!) on a Mercedes and some stupid ostrich did some damage to it, it would be ON!
Two pandas wed in