Thursday, November 03, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 11/03/05

Crazy Religious Right Whack-o’s! Apparently you can’t have a doll as a little girl anymore. Why? Some ultra-conservatives feel that a girl carrying the “American Girl" doll are prone to be lesbians and pro-abortion because the company producing the doll is funded by Girls, Inc. I guess Girls, Inc. accepts pretty much everyone and actually educates women on right choices instead of telling them everything is absolutely WRONG! Something tells me that little girls that DON’T want to play with girlie dolls have more of a tendency to end up gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just annoyed – and appalled!

At least he’s working! Joey Buttafuoco is schlepping protein shakes to the stars of ABC. He’s got himself a little concession stand on the lot there. I wonder if he still wears those pants?

I hate Kobe Bryant. Every time he comes to Colorado he has to rape someone! Wednesday night, it was the entire city of Denver with 0.6 seconds on the clock in overtime – AGAIN! Bastard! Oh, as if Denver wasn’t off to a bad enough start already – Nene (ne: trade bait) out 3-4 months – and now Andre Miller has been arrested. Are we Portland all of a sudden? Wow, a coach is suspended for 2 games and the team falls completely apart. Is anyone else second-guessing Denver’s trip to the Western Conference Finals?

How does that saying go? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 3000 times, um…" A woman in Texas has almost 3000 toll violations in the last year and a half and owes the state $76K. The tollbooth is on the Bush Turnpike – maybe she’s just another lame protester?

Speaking of lame… A Denver woman (guh) is selling her house. Oh, and she’s included in the deal! Isn’t that a form of prostitution, or should the guy just know he’ll be immediately cut off? She claims she’s looking for her soul mate, OBO.

While I’m talking Colorado – a man in Boulder is suing Home Depot. I guess someone tried to play a joke by putting glue on a toilet seat in the men’s room and he (a random customer) ended up being the victim. I’m not sure how this is Home Depot’s fault, but I wish I was there to see him come out. I can just picture the poor guy yelling for help, trying to get up, waddling around with a toilet seat stuck to his booty. And you wonder why Paul Finch didn’t poo in public.

One more Colorado thing – seems like residents would like to give teachers a raise, but not put any more money into our roads or schools. I voted yes on referenda C and D because it was using SURPLUS tax refunds to better our schools and roads. Colorado schools are pathetic (but what a beautiful baseball field we have that nobody goes to) and the roads suck. I think I’ll live without an ADDITIONAL $64 a year in tax refunds if it means a better future for the kids in this state and less wear and tear on my vehicle. C passed, D did not. WTF?

Someone stole $75K worth of bull semen. Shoot, if it’s gonna be THAT kind of party…

My wife likes to make fun of the baggy panted teenagers, basically because they look stupid when their belt is below their ass. This stupid fashion trend may also help stop criminals! Some dork in baggy pants kept tripping while trying to run from the cops, who eventually caught the thief. I love this! The kid would have had it made if he sported some Buttafuocos!

Crazy beyotch! A man is seeking damages from his ex-girlfriend from something that happened 5 years ago. After he dumped her, the girl, um, let’s just say there was super glue involved and the beans were above the frank. Just read the story!

Most preposterous job ever: writing a biography for someone who is illiterate! Former Montreal Canadiens’ coach Jacques Demers admitted to his biographer that he is illiterate. So, basically, the guy can write whatever the hell he wants to and Jacques will never know! He didn’t go to the University of Miami, did he?

Where NOT to trick-or-treat: ROME! A 70-year-old man shot two 14-year-old boys because their costumes frightened the geezer. 1) Aren’t these “kids" a little old to be trick-or-treating? 2) Hey, it’s HALLOWEEN! People dress up! Where have you been the last 70 years?

1 comment:

Collin said...

It's a known fact that those dolls are made from 30% recycled pro-abortion pamphlets and tested on lesbians by rubbing them in their eyes. Plus the instructions on the box read: 1) open flaps. 2) throw away baby.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!