Sunday, October 30, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 10/30/05

Happy Halloween, Suckers!

So we hit 2 parties and a hockey game on Saturday night. We had a blast. I was a little nervous when we got to the first party because we saw people walking in before us who were not in costume. We kinda assumed it was a costume party, so we were dressed like the pic on the right. Fortunately, most people there were in costume.

In case you were wondering, and I know you are, here’s what we were dressed as:
Katy is Calleigh Duquesne from CSI: Miami. I am not Horatio. I am actually Harry Caray to the power of 3. That would be: 1) Cubs announcer Harry Caray, 2) Stephen King’s Carrie with chest hair (Hairy Carrie), and 3) I’ve got a knife in my stomach because I’ve just committed Hari-Kari. I know it’s a bit much, but I’ve been thinking about it for 6 years and finally put it all together.

This picture shows my painted toenails. Hopefully this is the scariest thing you encounter today!

The only issues we had were KT’s letters falling off the back of her jacket and my hairy nipple-slips. FYI, using vinyl stick-on lettering doesn’t really hold on the back of a jacket, and hairy nipples scare the hell out of people. Oh, and our schedule was as follows: 5:30 party, 8:00 hockey game, 11:30 party. Yep, I wore that ridiculous garb in front of 17,000+ people. Someone asked me if I ran into trouble in the parking lot, and I responded, “Yeah, you can’t even imagine how upset men get when they realize they just paid for a transvestite hooker!”

Also, my brother and I decided NOT to perform at Freak Train tonight. We both would rather scare the hell out of trick-or-treaters.

Stallone just won’t go away! It looks like Rocky VI isn’t the end of the line for the (almost) 60-year-old actor – get ready for more Rambo! Ya know, you can never have enough Rambo!

A man in Singapore was arrested after threatening to put naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend on the Internet. Um, ladies? Don’t let your boyfriends take naked pictures of you! I remember this guy I used to work with at a car dealer had naked pictures of his girlfriend on his cell phone, and he showed them to EVERYONE! If this girl was anywhere close to cute it wouldn’t have been so horrible, but she was dog-nasty! I still have nightmares about that.

In today’s America, it’s NEVER your fault. A man in Indiana committed a robbery, but blamed the system for putting him in a jail too far away from his mother when he violated parole in 1982. Aw, he missed his mommy!

I can never eat Milk Duds again! A clothing company in California is being sued by Hershey. The company makes clothes that are designed to help pregnant women breast feed easier. Of course, they want to call the clothing line “Milkdudz.” Candy never sounded worse!

More ridiculously stupid criminals! These guys tried to steal fake tombstones from a haunted trail – in the middle of the day. Oh, and the haunted trail was run by a Fraternal Order of Police Lodge. Hello? Speaking of tombstones, did you know that someone actually sells tombstones for deceased pets? Why does that strike me as weird?

Um, nobody really wants to see that! A nude male review from Down Under was scheduled to, ya know, let it all hang out in ND. However, some religious whack-o’s protested and got the thing cancelled. These are probably the same men who spend all of their church donations on hookers and strippers.

Karma works! A woman just won a lottery worth $1 (remember, million is always implied in lottery winnings – and the ratings drop from last year’s World Series!). However, she used a stolen credit card to purchase the ticket. What are the odds?

Someone needs to save us from ourselves! The state of Connecticut is trying to ban holiday ale that sports an elf on the label. Why? Because officials (who ARE these people?) are afraid it will entice children to drink beer. Not that all of the other beer commercials with people partying at a football game or whatever would do that. Seriously, it’s an elf not a kid! This reminds me, there is a Comcast commercial running where a kid with a book runs up to his dad and asks him to read to him. However, dad is watching football. Instead of reading, dad gives the kid a lesson in how to use a DVR. Our friend Andrea is very disturbed by this ad, and I have to agree! What kind of message are we sending? Screw reading – watch this guy run backwards!”

Is there really a 1975 Ford Escort worth $690K? There is if it was once owned by deceased Pope John Paul II! Now for the kicker – Golden Palace Casino did NOT buy it! Instead, some millionaire in Houston added it to his collection of 600 cars. I have to say, if I’m ever filthy rich, I’d own a bunch of cars too. Probably not a 1975 Ford Escort, but still…


Collin said...

The chest hair really brings out your eyes.

Derek Knight said...

holy crap.

Bill Purdy said...

I don't know what's scarier, [hairee carry]^3, or that picture of Clay Aiken... with mascara! Yikes!

And speaking of Clay Aiken, we had a couple of gay friends over last night to help us (drink beer) hand out candy to the kids. And both guys insist Clay Aiken is not gay. Who knew?

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!