In the end, aren’t we all winners?
Uh, no! The winner of the PAFC Movie Quote Contest is…
Derek “Son of Cheese” Knight! Derek (on yer right, completely infatuated with the strings of his tennis racquet), along with the assistance of the Internet, was the only one to get ALL 20 quotes correct! So, big winner Derek, email your shipping address to email@example.com and your custom PAFC Contest Winner T-shirt, “Make the Girls SCREAM” CD, and autographed Pat Angello appearance flier will be sent to you!
Oh, so you want ANSWERS, eh? Here ya go:
1) “They mostly come out at night – mostly.” ALIENS
2) “It’s such a fine line between stupid, and clever.” THIS IS SPINAL TAP
3) “That chick Julie – she’s truly dazzling!” VALLEY GIRL
4) “Let’s get outta here before one of those things kills Guy!” GALAXY QUEST
5) “You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.” THE PRINCESS BRIDE
6) “Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.” ANCHOR MAN
7) “Know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay.” THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN
8) “Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?” RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
9) “You’re man Christian is a cake boy! He’s a disco dancing, Oscar Wilde Reading, Streisand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I’m sayin’?” CLUELESS
10) “You’re killing me Smalls!” THE SANDLOT
11) “Could be worse. It could be raining.” YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN
12) “Did he just say, ‘funky buttloving?’” ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
13) “She’s magically babe-licious.” WAYNE’S WORLD
14) “I'll be takin’ these Huggies, and, uh, whatever cash you got.” RAISING ARIZONA
15) “No ma’am. We at the F.B.I. do not have a sense of humor we are aware of.” MEN IN BLACK
16) “Death by stereo!” LOST BOYS
17) “Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh-heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn’t... Oh he-he, it wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn’t it?” NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION
18) “I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don’t tell ‘em you’re Jewish, okay?” CADDYSHACK
19) “You're gonna need a bigger boat...” JAWS
20) “I’m thinkin’ of something orange. Something oraaannnngggge. Give up? It’s an orange! Ok, now I’m thinkin’ of something blue. Something bluuuuuue.” UHF
Thanks to all who participated! Some only missed like one or two answers. Look for a new contest in the next few months!
Let’s get on with a new newsletter, shall we?
So, why did we move this summer? Frankly, we saw the neighborhood taking a downward turn. There was a check-cashing store opening up, an increase in sirens in the middle of the night, and more graffiti popping up all over the place. This was hardly a neighborhood in which we wanted to start a family. Confirming our decision was a story on FOX 31 News last night about a new resident of our old neighborhood. His name is David Earl Russell and he has multiple convictions as a sexually violent predator of children. Oh, and he resides about ½ mile from our old house. I’m glad we moved!
Sly’s commin’ atcha again! (For the record, spell check HATED that last sentence!) Sylvester Stallone will be making and starring in a sixth Rocky film. The dude is 60! Literally! I didn’t know boxers were allowed to use walkers!
Speaking of film, some friends of ours just frucking made one! Steve and Andrea Mudd (yep, their name is Mudd – literally!) have (almost) completed their film, Seclusion. For more info and to watch the trailer, go to www.voteroberthamilton.com. Look for it at film festivals starting in the fall!
For the record, Steve is directly related to the Dr. Mudd who assisted John Wilkes Booth, the man who shot President Lincoln. Booth was injured when he ran from the theater and Dr. Mudd took him in and bandaged him up. Because he assisted a man who assassinated a president, the community shunned Dr. Mudd. This is where the phrase, “your name is mud” comes from. Pretty cool, eh? Hopefully Steve and Andrea will become famous for something different very soon!
If you shoot it, they will come! At least that’s the attitude Paris Hilton has about her cancelled reality TV show, the Simple Life. Even though FOX has declined to run the show this season, Hilton and that mutt Nicole Richie are still shooting episodes. Hilton says, “All the networks are fighting over (the rights).” Of course they are, because America LOVES stupid spoiled bitches that have no respect for people.
Sure this is sad, but how does one do this alone? Comedian Charles Rocket committed suicide this week by slitting his own throat. That takes some balls right there! Rocket was best known for his roles Earth Girls are Easy and Dumb and Dumber. He was on SNL for one season, but got booted for cursing on the air.
Long Island principal cancels prom! Kellenberg Memorial High School principal Kenneth Hoagland can’t stand the flaunting, so he has cancelled prom at his school. “It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake - in a word, financial decadence,” Hoagland said. In this day when people like Paris Hilton are idolized and shows like Sweet 16 hit the kids right between the eyes, what do we expect? BTW, it’s going to get even worse before it gets better.
So, paying only $1.16 in taxes isn’t worth the trouble of writing the check you say? No matter how small the amount, the feds ain’t messing around! Deborah Combs of Ohio has been unemployed for 5 years and never paid her $1.16 in taxes back in 2000. Because of the fines, she owes over $200 and could face up to 18 months in jail and another fine of $4000! Um, oops!
Bigfoot conference in big Texas! The believers come in droves, sharing encounters but never providing proof of the (for now) fictitious creature. I believe bigfoot has already adapted into society, and could be working with you in your office! So, if you pat a co-worker on the back and get that spongy, weird feeling through their shirt, you too can attend the conference!
So, you think offices are casual NOW? Wait until the youth of today starts setting dress codes! Apparently many high school girls think pajama bottoms are appropriate attire for school. “Some days you don’t want to get dressed up for school. Like when it’s raining and cold. You just want to be cozy,” said one 16-year-old girl. Wah! It starts at the parents – my mother would fall over dead if anyone in our family tried that. When you take pride in your appearance, it shows that you take pride in yourself. And Seinfeld thought wearing sweats in public was pathetic!
Need a day off? Call in a bomb threat! This is especially effective if you work for an airline. However, if you are stupid enough to do this, at least be smart enough to use a pay phone instead of your cell like this SriLankan Airlines stewardess did.
Uh, MEANWHILE! 54 years ago, Machal Lalung of India was sent to a mental asylum. Recently, the National Human Rights Commission found that healthcare authorities had made a mistake (he only suffered from epilepsy) and set him free. He was so mad that he turned light urple and then shot up a 7-11, which actually turned out to be a seizure.