Thursday, September 08, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 9/8/05

It’s boys against the girls? It looks like 8 guys and 8 girls are signed up for the PAFC Pick ‘Em – SCHWEET! I will post standings every Tuesday for ya.

Is it just me, or does that pic remind you of Devo's "Through Being Cool" video?

And now for the dumb news.

Don’t go braggin’ when you get back to the house! A group of male inmates won a gardening competition in Vermont. I first thought this meant they’d get beaten when the other inmates found out, but these guys actually grow most of the fruit and veggies the prisoners eat. Man, Martha REALLY had a positive effect on jail!

There is a school in LA that offers mule training. (Insert “smart ass” joke here.)

Lecter? Damn near killed her! An ex-convict with AIDS has been sentenced to 13 years in prison for attempted murder for spitting blood and trying to bite police officers and psych staff members. He was literally brought into the courtroom in Hannibal-type restraints. It rubs the lotion on its skin; it does this whenever it’s told!

OK, maybe it did kill her! A drunken woman in Belgium had an unfortunate accident while walking home through a cemetery. Somehow she managed to have a large grave stone fall on her, and she suffocated trying to lift it off. Reminds me of a Dr. Phil-ism, “Like my momma always said: make sure you mow the lawn before you try to eat cabbage.”

Crikey! A girl caught a pet alligator with a technique she learned by watching the Crocodile Hunter on TV. Apparently the 2-foot long pet escaped and came swimming down the river. Nicki put on her pith helmet and grabbed the gator by its snout. No boys will ever date this girl.

You wanna dance wit me, eh? A ballroom dancing couple got into a fight and literally tried to kill each other. She claims he choked her, he said she tried to kick him in the, well, let’s just say that’s not the kind of ballroom dancing he had in mind. The guy was drunk and accused the woman of cheating on him. But he sounds like such a great catch!

Haven’t they seen Super Size Me? Two guys tried to break into a McDonald’s last week. They walked up to the drive-thru window and asked if they could have the food that was about to get thrown out for the evening. The manager said the restaurant was closed, which made the two me try to climb through the window. OK, if you want food that’s about to be tossed, at least hang out at a steak house or something – not McD’s! Wait – they are in Wyoming! I know a great rib place there!

Maybe this isn’t the right job for this guy. A police recruit in New Zealand was arrested for an unsolved assault case when he was printed during a training exercise. And I thought car dealerships would hire anybody!

Do you believe? There is a lawsuit in FL because restaurateurs are refusing to move into a building claiming it’s haunted. The landlord has brought out a $2.6 (remember, million is always implied in frivolous lawsuits – and increased record sales when you get caught lip synching!) lawsuit after the offer to hold an exorcism was refused. BTW, I can’t wait to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose! Yeah! Maybe the ghosts can help clear the tables?

How’s your breakfast so far? A restaurant in China advertised selling tiger meat, which is illegal. It was found that they were actually selling donkey meat in tiger urine. There are SO many Asian delicacies that I just don’t understand!

You know how much I love my Nazi chocolate! Unfortunately, the Nazi’s actually created chocolate bar grenades. If the terrorists really wanted to get us, Starbucks sleeves would be a good hiding place!

So, how did your cabbie look today? Beijing is cracking down on cabbies that are bald, wear their hair too long, have facial hair, or wear too much make-up. Heck, in NY that could all apply to the same dude! Don’t people EXPECT their cab drivers to look a little odd? It’s almost a disappointment if they don’t! That’s like an episode of Happy Days without the Fonz saying, “AAaaaayyyyy!”

Sometimes I’m so proud to be from Denver! This man lost it on his flight into DIA and punched a flight attendant. Some men on the plane wrassled him down, beat the crud out of him, and bound him with duct tape. Police found the guy in the back of the plane lying in a pool of blood and saliva. Dude, NEVER cause a scene on a plane after 9/11 – NEVER! Duh!


Bill Purdy said...

Congratulations to Patrick, on his 3,000th hit (which occured a couple of day ago)

Huzzah! The blogosphere will never be the same!

Pat Angello said...


Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!