Tuesday, September 13, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 9/13/05


Hockey is officially BACK! WOOHOO! Training camp started today, and the boys are back on the ice with pre-season games starting this weekend! Now, if you want to learn anything about hockey as far as the new rules and who to select for your fantasy hockey team, I have never seen any site as in-depth and simple to read through as the one put together by the Opiated Sherpa. Take a minute or so to look around and you’ll know you’re in the right place. The guy knows his stuff, even though he’s a Canucks fan!

Hopefully, football equipment is getting better. Terry Long played on the offensive line for the Pittsburgh Steelers and recently passed away at the age of 47. Doctors believe his death was related to an abundance of head injuries suffered during his football career. Just when I start bitching about what a bunch of overpaid babies these guys are, something like this comes up and I realize how seriously dangerous this sport really is!

And now for the most boring polo match ever! I’m sure watching polo played on horseback is exciting, but when the players are riding pachyderm, I’d rather watch bowling. Except if the elephants were bowling! Hey, that’s Xtreme sports right there!

Can a brotha get a minute? Imagine watching America’s Most Wanted with your brother and suddenly his mug appears on the screen! It happened to Nicholas Cerino of NY. It seems his brother Mark is wanted for scamming money from victims of last year’s hurricane in Florida. What a lovely man!

Yummy! A school in Japan is serving rice topped with whale curry. Sounds great, but I wonder if they serve whale eggs?

Some of these are just between my wife and me.

If only April Fools Day were drawing near! A guy in OH had a great idea – have police call his sister and tell her that their mother was dead. That is BRILLIANT! Wait, no that’s just plain mean! Anyway, if you want a REAL April Fools Day joke, click here!

Suddenly I miss Dick Trickle! The Cornwall Record Office in London is compiling a list of odd names. No, Pat Angello isn’t on it! However, Moxie Crime Fighter should be. Speaking of, the Pat Angello Fan Club is #2 on Google searches for Moxie Crime Fighter Gillette!

Wow – talk about a cake job! There is an actual rat catching department in the New Delhi government, but they haven’t caught a single rat in 10 years. Apparently the little bastards are all over the city, but the department merely lets them run around while collecting a paycheck. Heck, it’s the American way. Wait!

Get out of the car BEFORE you run from the cops! A drunk driver in Australia jumped in the backseat of his car when police tried to pull him over. The car was still in gear and moving at the time! The car eventually slowed down enough for a cop to jump in and step on the brake, but not before one passenger panicked and jumped out of the back seat. Is this a prime candidate for Australia’s Funniest Home Videos?

OK, living in Zearing Iowa really should be bad enough, but now the residents have a real compliant. There is a truck washing company stinking up the town by cleaning out livestock trucks. The stench is so bad that residents are complaining of watery eyes and nausea. So, move! Your house is probably on wheels already!

Speaking of stinky, at least this is cheaper than oil! Residents of a small town in Indiana are in the process of turning heaps of pig manure into fuel for their cars and homes. Nothing better than a car that can run on poopy!

What a great idea! A cell phone store employee downloaded amateur sex films from phones in the store for repairs. Then he compiled them and sold the videos! Are camera phones the decline of Western civilization?

And now the adventures of Samurai Restaurant Robber! A robber in FL walked into a grill, unleashed a samurai sword, and sent condiments flying! He made off with $32 and fled in a green minivan. I didn’t know samurai warriors drove minivans!

Now THAT’S a football player! An Australian professional football player has been having issues with pain in his finger since he broke it three years ago. His solution? CUT IT OFF! Brett Blackwell rationalized his decision by saying, “I love my footy (football), and love playing sport, and if that's going to help me to succeed at this level then it’s something you’ve just got to do.” And Maurice Clarret missed almost all of training camp because of a slight groin pull! Poozy!

Now THIS is love! A girl in India married her lover’s older brother (her lover is too young to legally marry) so she could be in the same house as her lover. However, he wasn’t allowed to go on the honeymoon. The best part? She’s going to take half of his brother’s stuff in two years when they divorce!

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Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!