Thursday, September 01, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 9/1/05


Nick and Jessica will sing at a 9/11 tribute. The NFL is planning a ceremony for the 4-year anniversary of the terrorist attacks, as many games will be played on that date. Someone thought it would be a good idea to have the most annoying couple in America sing “America the Beautiful” at the Bears vs. Redskins game. Haven’t these people in DC been through enough already?

Speaking of football, have you signed up yet? Pat Angello has a pick ‘em group on the AM 950 the Fan website and you’re all invited! Six people have signed up so far, so I thought I’d add an additional incentive. Whoever wins the group competition at the end of the season will win a custom designed PAFC T-shirt! Oh, and there are other prizes through the Fan! Click here for info about signing up, unless yer chicken! Bok-bok!

Sorry, but I’ve got NO sympathy for this guy! Kendyll Pope of the Indianapolis Colts has been suspended from the NFL for a year because of a violation of the substance abuse policy. The kid has made his dream come true, and now he’s pissing it all away. I don’t know (or care really) what drug he tested positive for. It could be pot, coke, or ‘roids. It doesn’t matter! Stupid SOB knows better.

While I’m on the subject of stupid athletes destroying their dreams, way to go Sidney Ponson! Ponson, a pitcher for the Baltimore Orioles, had some issues with alcohol in the past. Now it has cost him his job. The Orioles have voided his contract and he just lost $10 (remember, million is always implied in sports contracts – and money lost by Hollywood this year for churning out nothing but crap!) that he was scheduled to make in 2006. Maybe he and Pope should go on a fishing trip, if ya know what I mean?

Actually, I don’t even know what I mean so…

What’s the big deal? A woman in CT was arrested this week for leaving her 18-month-old grandson unattended in her home while she drove her husband to work. She did, however, take the DOG with her. Well, of course she did! She asked who wanted to go bye-bye in the car and the dog barked first! Besides, how much trouble can a baby get into in 40 minutes?

Well, at least he’s familiar with the place. A prison guard was arrested for a drunken fight and urinating on a computer. There’s no place like home, er, work, uh, home, oh, same thing!

OK, is it only really stupid people that own pit bulls? This guy just got arrested for animal cruelty after cutting off his own pit bull’s ears to “make the dog look meaner.” There needs to be a background check on people before they purchase or adopt pets!

Ah, nothing like advertising a good message on the urinal cake holder thingie. The University of Indiana is using this vehicle to send a message to men (duh!) that they shouldn’t sexually assault women (double duh!). Hey, the urinal cake holder thingie has kept me off drugs for 36 years, so why not? The best part, of course, is the name of the organization behind this venture: Raising Awareness of Interactions in Sexual Encounters, or RAISE. That makes me giggle!

Here’s to the bus driver! He smokes, he cusses, and he wrecks the busses, especially when he’s intoxicated. A brave girl on board a school bus realized the substitute driver was blitzed (he was driving like he was, ya know, drunk, and he smelled a little sour) and she ushered the rest of the kids off when he finally reached her stop. The police actually WAITED until the driver got back to the bus depot before arresting him. How hard could it be to find and pull over a drunken bus driver? “Whut? There’s a very large vehicle on the road being operated by a drunk old man? Ah, he’ll come back here eventually.”

The first “Mister Rogers” scholarship award was given out this week! A graduate student at the UCLA School of Theater, Film and TV was given $10,000 to continue her work in children’s media. The award was presented by Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood character Mr. McFeely, which is far and away the most inappropriate character name in children’s TV show history. It sounds like someone who operates rides at the Neverland Ranch!

A 73-year-old woman in WV shot her 69-year-old husband when she found out he had VD. She accused him of having an affair with the neighbor and then shot him in the stomach. Frisky old bastard!

It’s not like anyone was depending on him. A man in Australia showed up 20 minutes late for work. He’s an air traffic controller. Yeah, the planes circled waiting for him to respond before they could land. This isn’t a little Podunk airport in the middle of nowhere, it’s Canberra International Airport and a Boeing 737 was hung up in the air. I think there’s a job open in Australia for an air traffic controller.

OK, I don’t think I can really do this story justice. However, it is a great way to prevent violent sexual crimes!

The Broncos start to trim the roster, and I miss Maurice Clarett already! OK, not really. Arguably the dumbest move Mike Shanahan ever made! As far as the QB situation, this is what I was hoping for LAST year, with Van Pelt and Mauck as the back ups! I’m not going to miss Kanell either! The radio talk shows keep pointing at players like Patrick Hape and Luther Elliss, significant contributors last year that didn’t get past the first wave of cuts this year, and claim that this will be a much better team. I’ll believe it if they are 6-2 at the break, but I’m predicting 4-4 at best!

3 comments:

Sus said...

Oh fella where oh where do you find some of these stories??!!!

So, the authorities are going to "trim" the guy's dick to make sure he doesn't propagate, right?

Pat Angello said...

I have my secret sources - I will NEVER tell!

BWa-ha-ha!

Collin said...

Okay, one obvious flaw in the Rapex... Won't it just teach rapists to look before they leap? Set off the trap with something other than their member? Admittedly, it may cut down on the really stupid rapists, but I don't foresee this actually helping the situation.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!