Welcome to Denver! We have beautiful Botanic Gardens, and we have recently invited musicians to play there. Some great adult contemporary acts like Jewel and Suzanne Vega have become a part of the concert series that just started a few years ago. In fact, Suzanne Vega was here this week with Marc Cohn. Then some stupid punk tried to carjack Cohn’s vehicle and fired a bullet through the windshield, grazing the driver, Marc’s tour manager, and hitting Marc in the temple. Cohn is okay and has already been released from the hospital, and the shooter has been caught. We used to have a concert series at the Botanic Gardens.
Officers in Tipton county Indiana are thinking of changing the design of a firing range after a bullet hit a house a mile away. Yeah, maybe they should reevaluate the logistics there. Anyone in Indiana need a really cheap house?
A strip club owner in LA is changing his marquee. I guess the words “Live Nude, Nude, Nudes” weren’t doing it, so he is now using “Vaginas R Us!” That’s class right there! I know it’s an everyday word, and he really could have used something worse, but how many 4-year-olds are going to see that sign and start repeating it over and over. OK, now it’s getting funny! What a great marketing tool – kids repeating an almost filthy tag line!
Good ol’ ebay! Where else can you get blood stained bandages from Middle East war heroes? Ariel Sharon's bloodstained head bandage is up for grabs starting at $10K. Almost as cool as the bloodstained dollar bill my brother has that had been in Clyde Barker’s pocket when he was killed!
A man in CA has been skinny-dipping along the shoreline where many people go to dine near the San Francisco Bay. “I’ll have the lobst- on second thought, how about a steak!” “That’s the weirdest looking seal I’ve ever seen!”
New York Democrat Victor Bernace plans to have bikini-clad go-go dancers and men in nothing but briefs at a campaign party next month. Bill Clinton was quoted as saying, “HELLS yeah! Just what this boring political party needs, again! Nobody wants an evil witch like Hilary, we want some hooters!”
Speaking of hooters, a kid in OR was given community service for giving titty-twisters. Give me a break! Is there anyone out there that never received a wet-willie, noogie, swirlie, or wedgie? The brat will live – trust me! There’s no need for lawyers. Oh, wait! We’re AMERICANS! We have to sue somebody!
How could any other country hate us?
No paper? Start a cheer! Some high school cheerleaders that witnessed and accident assisted police in MI by chanting/cheering the license plate of the bad guy. The driver (who left the scene) was later C A U G H T at his H O M E! Woo!
Sometimes, when I’m having a bad day, I realize it early and I don’t try to do too much because I know I’ll just get frustrated. That’s apparently not the case with John Lucero of UT. John failed at about 5 different crimes before finally getting caught. His robbery attempt of two women failed, even with a knife in his hand. His attempt to break into an apartment failed as well. He did carjack a Jeep, but rolled it shortly thereafter. He then tried to kidnap a toddler, but the mother wouldn’t give the kid up. So he jumped out a window when he heard sirens and he got caught. Dude, if you can’t rob two women with a knife, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong business!
Speaking of crappy criminals, a man in TN tried to rob a bank. He had no weapon, just a note. When the teller didn’t respond, the would-be bank-robber left. The teller then ran after said robber and tackled him, holding him down until police arrived. Is this the brother of Lucero?
Do you remember the idiots on the radio in NY that made fun of Tsunami victims? I think they are getting dumber! The same buffoons have just agreed to stop their "Smackfest" promotion, in which women slapped each other for prizes. How is that good radio? Hell, that doesn’t even make good TV! They were ordered to pay $60K to a domestic violence awareness group. And I thought most DJs in CO were idiots!
I’d love to go to an NHL game at every hockey arena – that would be SO cool. But this guy from TX has a different idea. He wants to drink at every single Starbucks on the planet. Dude that would take FOREVER! Don’t they open a new one every 3 minutes? At least they are mostly across the street from one another, so that would cut down some of the gas he’ll need to buy. Every time you hear a rich person blow his or her nose into a hanky, a new Starbucks is born. There’s even some idiot from NE following this guy and making a documentary! I’m not sure which person I find to be more pathetic!
Was it really an accident, or did he just weigh his options for 6 hours? A man in Rome on a road trip with his wife and daughter, pulled over to fuel the vehicle. He “didn’t realize” that his wife got out of the car to use the facilities, and he drove off without her. It took him 6 hours to figure out what he had done, and then he went back for her. Yeah, that excuse wouldn’t fly in my house! And did he just think she was being really quiet for 6 hours? “Finally, she stopped telling me where to turn, to slow down, and – wait a minute. Why is she NOT yelling at me?”
A South Korean gamer died after spending 50 straight hours playing video games. Dude needs to eat SOMETHING! And my wife gets on me for playing for an hour every now and then…