Tuesday, August 09, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 8/9/05

Check it out - there are some fun new blogs and a new Café Press store in my links section to yer right!

Welcome to Denver! We have beautiful Botanic Gardens, and we have recently invited musicians to play there. Some great adult contemporary acts like Jewel and Suzanne Vega have become a part of the concert series that just started a few years ago. In fact, Suzanne Vega was here this week with Marc Cohn. Then some stupid punk tried to carjack Cohn’s vehicle and fired a bullet through the windshield, grazing the driver, Marc’s tour manager, and hitting Marc in the temple. Cohn is okay and has already been released from the hospital, and the shooter has been caught. We used to have a concert series at the Botanic Gardens.

Officers in Tipton county Indiana are thinking of changing the design of a firing range after a bullet hit a house a mile away. Yeah, maybe they should reevaluate the logistics there. Anyone in Indiana need a really cheap house?

A strip club owner in LA is changing his marquee. I guess the words “Live Nude, Nude, Nudes” weren’t doing it, so he is now using “Vaginas R Us!” That’s class right there! I know it’s an everyday word, and he really could have used something worse, but how many 4-year-olds are going to see that sign and start repeating it over and over. OK, now it’s getting funny! What a great marketing tool – kids repeating an almost filthy tag line!

Good ol’ ebay! Where else can you get blood stained bandages from Middle East war heroes? Ariel Sharon's bloodstained head bandage is up for grabs starting at $10K. Almost as cool as the bloodstained dollar bill my brother has that had been in Clyde Barker’s pocket when he was killed!

A man in CA has been skinny-dipping along the shoreline where many people go to dine near the San Francisco Bay. “I’ll have the lobst- on second thought, how about a steak!” “That’s the weirdest looking seal I’ve ever seen!”

New York Democrat Victor Bernace plans to have bikini-clad go-go dancers and men in nothing but briefs at a campaign party next month. Bill Clinton was quoted as saying, “HELLS yeah! Just what this boring political party needs, again! Nobody wants an evil witch like Hilary, we want some hooters!”

Speaking of hooters, a kid in OR was given community service for giving titty-twisters. Give me a break! Is there anyone out there that never received a wet-willie, noogie, swirlie, or wedgie? The brat will live – trust me! There’s no need for lawyers. Oh, wait! We’re AMERICANS! We have to sue somebody!

How could any other country hate us?

No paper? Start a cheer! Some high school cheerleaders that witnessed and accident assisted police in MI by chanting/cheering the license plate of the bad guy. The driver (who left the scene) was later C A U G H T at his H O M E! Woo!

Sometimes, when I’m having a bad day, I realize it early and I don’t try to do too much because I know I’ll just get frustrated. That’s apparently not the case with John Lucero of UT. John failed at about 5 different crimes before finally getting caught. His robbery attempt of two women failed, even with a knife in his hand. His attempt to break into an apartment failed as well. He did carjack a Jeep, but rolled it shortly thereafter. He then tried to kidnap a toddler, but the mother wouldn’t give the kid up. So he jumped out a window when he heard sirens and he got caught. Dude, if you can’t rob two women with a knife, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong business!

Speaking of crappy criminals, a man in TN tried to rob a bank. He had no weapon, just a note. When the teller didn’t respond, the would-be bank-robber left. The teller then ran after said robber and tackled him, holding him down until police arrived. Is this the brother of Lucero?

Do you remember the idiots on the radio in NY that made fun of Tsunami victims? I think they are getting dumber! The same buffoons have just agreed to stop their "Smackfest" promotion, in which women slapped each other for prizes. How is that good radio? Hell, that doesn’t even make good TV! They were ordered to pay $60K to a domestic violence awareness group. And I thought most DJs in CO were idiots!

I’d love to go to an NHL game at every hockey arena – that would be SO cool. But this guy from TX has a different idea. He wants to drink at every single Starbucks on the planet. Dude that would take FOREVER! Don’t they open a new one every 3 minutes? At least they are mostly across the street from one another, so that would cut down some of the gas he’ll need to buy. Every time you hear a rich person blow his or her nose into a hanky, a new Starbucks is born. There’s even some idiot from NE following this guy and making a documentary! I’m not sure which person I find to be more pathetic!

Was it really an accident, or did he just weigh his options for 6 hours? A man in Rome on a road trip with his wife and daughter, pulled over to fuel the vehicle. He “didn’t realize” that his wife got out of the car to use the facilities, and he drove off without her. It took him 6 hours to figure out what he had done, and then he went back for her. Yeah, that excuse wouldn’t fly in my house! And did he just think she was being really quiet for 6 hours? “Finally, she stopped telling me where to turn, to slow down, and – wait a minute. Why is she NOT yelling at me?”

A South Korean gamer died after spending 50 straight hours playing video games. Dude needs to eat SOMETHING! And my wife gets on me for playing for an hour every now and then…

6 comments:

ica said...

Blood-stained bandages? I'll pass, thanks ebay.

ica said...

Way to go on providing the links? Do you ever read Fark.com? You should sign up and submit links! I've tried before but gave up after they were all rejected...

ica said...

Oops that first ? shoulda been an !

Collin said...

I just hope that idiot hadn't been playing Grand Theft Auto. Are you sure the concert series will now be cancelled?
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They should just limit membership to people like me. I don't think I could hit a house a mile away on purpose.
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I saw this at boingboing. He's changed the marquee so instead of "R" it is now "Are" to avoid being forced to take it down. Personally I think he's really selling the tits short. He should change it to "Ta-tas & Coochies" It's more fun to say and more descriptive. If he were to add "in motion" it would be perfect. Or perhaps "in glorious 3D"? Eh. This is why I'm not in the porn business.
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Once again, it will probably be bought by The Golden Palace Casino, unless it gets taken down for being a biohazard.
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"Look at how it's pelt glistens in the sunlight..."
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He knows how to party, but does he know how to rule?
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I have never had a swirly. The rest, yes, with the addition of an Indian burn – or would that be Original American Inhabitant That Has Been Oppressed By The White Invaders burn? Or is it based on the India Indians? Eh. Either way. I think it's also called a Dutch rub. I remember that my dad, a businessman, used to have a plaque of some sort on our wall that said something about suing. I think it was, "When in doubt... Sue!" And that would have been in the 70s. So here we are.
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Other countries hate us?!
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Give me a P-R-I-S-O-N-R-A-P-E! What's that spell? His future! Yaaaaay!
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I'll bet John gets a movie deal from that story.
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"Um. I have this note from my mother that says you are supposed to give me all of your money. So... I guess I'll be going now."
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So when do you think their station will wise up and drop them? They aren't the same DJs who got that couple to have sex in a church, are they?
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This guy is either amazingly wealthy or he's sponsored by Starbucks. The cost of travel AND the coffee would break most people.
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You notice his daughter didn't say anything either. "Sweet!" she thought, "I can get a NEW mommy now!" only in Greek.
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He was playing First Person Shooters. I'll bet he was a camper.

Heather said...

Last night at dinner the guys in the booth behind me were talking about the guy who left his wife at the rest stop...I almost told them to go read it on your site! But I'm shy and i don't talk to strangers! :)

ica said...

Nice photo! I don't remember seeing it last time...

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!