Tuesday, August 16, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 8/16/05

How romantic! A couple is getting married at a McDonald’s. The two met when Ken Sinchar pulled into the drive-thru and Lori Sherbondy took his order. It was LOVE! He would come back every day at 12:30 just to flirt, and order crappy food. Before he hit 380 pounds, he decided to propose. The two were married at the drive-thru window as he sat in his minivan and she stood inside the order window. Look for the reality series next spring.

Hot power surges await you! A Milwaukee energy company sent out post cards that accidentally listed a phone-sex line for their own 800 number. Oops! So customers expected to hear something like, “Please hold. Your business is very important to us and we’ll be right with you.” Customers instead heard, "Wanna get with the sluttiest girls your imagination can dream up?" Making many older men in Milwaukee think, “This is the best energy company EVER!”

That is so CUTE! A man who owns a small mailing business found one customer to be a bit odd. Seems this customer would come in every 2 weeks and send a package to a different address in WI. The owner called the cops, and they found a teddy bear stuffed with marijuana inside the package. Maybe the guy has a lot of grandkids? Who smoke a lot of pot?

The kids at Northern Michigan University want to set a record for the world’s largest sauna. There’s nothing better than a sauna in the middle of summer! In fact, I think I went to the world’s largest sauna already – it’s called NY in July!

The Golden Palace Online Casino is at it again! They are now the proud owners of a pierogi that looks like Jesus. This item fits in well with other ebay purchases by the online casino, including a 10-year-old, partially eaten cheese sandwich thought to contain the image of the Virgin Mary; a pretzel shaped like the Virgin Mary holding a baby Jesus, a breast implant from a retired adult entertainer, and a pregnancy test that allegedly belonged to Britney Spears. Golden Palace Online Casino – the classiest joint on the ‘Net! I could probably halt consumption on a grilled cheese sandwich if I saw an image on it, but no matter who is on a pierogi, I’m scarfin that SOB down!

A real magic rabbit? A man in IL claims the incessant noise of his pet rabbit in the middle of the night forced him to notice his pregnant wife sleeping heavily with her eyes wide open. He called 911 and found out his wife had gestational diabetes – she could have died if he waited any longer. “I guess he won’t be dinner after all.”

Just when you thought it was safe to watch TV again! Kathie Lee Gifford is joining Pat O’Brien on the Insider. Isn’t Cody getting too big for ponies? I guess he needs a Porsche now!

There’s nothing like a dumb southern criminal! Some kid broke into a house in GA and called his mom while he was there. The victim simply hit the redial button and caught the kid and his girlfriend. Stinkin technology ruins EVERYTHING!

In India, hand-pulled rickshaws are being eliminated. Apparently this century-old traditional way of transportation is now suddenly inhumane. Tell that to the puller when he can no longer feed his kids.

Possibly the greatest gag ever? A man in London (wearing only a diaper) is approaching women late at night and asking, "Are there any baby changing facilities around here?" On an unrelated note, Vin Diesel has recently moved to London.

Also in London, some sick bastard sent an email to the family of one of the Tsunami victims saying their relative has been found alive. This is honestly one of the meanest things I have ever heard. What kind of comedic satisfaction could come out of playing this trick on someone? On an unrelated note, Ashton Kutcher has recently moved to London.

Do you ever wonder what happens to confiscated pot? The Russians know what to do with it! Moscow will feed all of their confiscated pot to, well, cows during the winter months. On an unrelated note, 700 new 7-11’s are scheduled to open in Russia this year.

Twinkie eating bovines!

Moo, Man. Ya know? Moo.


Bill Purdy said...

The Ashton Kutcher line made me laugh. Huzzah!

Collin said...

Ever hear the song, "I'm in love with a McDonald's girl"? I hope they have and played it at the wedding.
It's not often that customer service is eager to please. "If you wanna make my nipples hard, press 3. To repeat your options, press star."
It would be awesome if it was a 'Smokey the Bear' teddy.
I hope they aren't neglecting their studies.
I found a bum that looks like Jesus. Think they'll buy him? He said it was okay with him.
When our pet rabbit made noise incessantly in the middle of the night I noticed that I hated having a pet rabbit.
Never watch it; doesn't effect me.
The kid's mom is his girlfriend? Sounds like the deep South.
It's not really inhumane until you break out the spurs.
"Pardon me. Have you any grey poop on?"
That is a horrible thing to do to someone. I say we all fly to London and kick Ashton's ass.
I wonder if that'll effect the milk. This could be interesting. Psychedelic Cow Juice.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!