Sunday, July 17, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 7/17/05

Reminder – Pat Angello will be performing at the Bug Theatre on Monday, 7/25 for Freak Train! Yeah, cuz I’m a FREAK!

A gang leader in NJ was caught because he put together a rap CD where he boasted about the robberies he committed. Is this something new – rappers talking about violent crimes they committed? Could it really be that hard to arrest Snoop Dogg for carrying pot?

I love crazy people! A man in GA has been arrested for drinking holy water at a church! This guy was banned from the church 5 years ago, but comes in every two weeks or so and starts lapping up holy water. He was arrested after he assaulted the church's pastor, broke a crucifix and broke the window of a police cruiser. Drink all the holy water you want, pal, it ain’t gonna help!

Stay off the big island in Hawaii, or at least stay off the streets at 3am! A man was robbed twice in 5 minutes this week! First, 3 guys got out of a Tahoe and asked for his wallet, which he gave up. Then, a group of punks got off a bus and accosted him in an alley. Since he had already given up his wallet, they just kinda beat him up. And you think YOU’RE having a tough day today?

An argument for natural selection – a woman in OK (like that should shock you) was arrested for giving birth drunk. She and her buddy had just finished off a case of beer when she went into labor with her blood alcohol count 3 times the legal limit. The baby was not breathing when born, but doctors performed an emergency procedure to revive it. Oh, and this is her 7th child! Infuriating!

The new Harry Potter book is out and the pope isn’t happy about it! Pope Benedict feels the Harry Potter books can “distort Christianity in the soul” before it has time to develop properly. So that whole baptism thing means…? It’s a BOOK! It’s FICTION! People know the difference, don’t they? Sorry, I’m giving humanity WAY too much credit here. He’s probably right!

A NY cop has been fired for creating a web site where cops can rant about their jobs. Hey, with the garbage these heroes have to put up with on a daily basis, this guy should be commended! They’ve got to let off steam somehow!

Hot enough for ya? Not a good time to try shoplifting! At least that’s what a woman in Belgium learned last week. She was arrested because she was sweating like a pig. She was sweating like a pig because she was wearing a jogging suit, a sweater, four polo shirts, three T-shirts, four sleeveless tops, a pair of shorts and trainers. Nice try!

A golden retriever in SC fought off a 14 foot, 700 pound alligator this week. My yellow lab can bark a good bark from inside the house, but she’s been pinned by Yorkies – twice! Wuss!

What’s the last thing you bought on eBay? We got a vacuum cleaner a while back and saved a ton, but we also got what we ordered! Some people that have ordered slightly used clothing from a man in St. Louis have gotten a big bag of poopie in the mail. Lawsuits are a flyin’ and the *%$# just hit the fan! Ah, nothing like a good toilet joke to start the week!

Close, but not quite! Michelle Wie won two matches on Thursday, but was knocked out of the US Amateur Public Links on Friday. Hey, she still beat two men in match play – and she’s only 15 for cryin’ out loud! The reason Wie went after this tournament is because the winner is traditionally invited to play the Masters. That will have to wait, but probably not much longer. She is incredible and will be competing with men on a regular basis in about 2 years. Eek! I almost feel bad for the guys that lost to her, but she’s just so dang good! It really is a little scary!

Let’s talk hockey – FINALLY!

I’m a little nervous about some of the rule changes. Did we really need them? The reason there is so much parody in the league is because it expanded too much, which is also ONE of the reasons the owners were losing money. Said expansion meant teams were clutching and grabbing to slow down the more skilled players. This lead to less scoring, and increasing the size of the goal/decreasing the pads on the goaltenders are absurd ideas. You want more scoring? Let the players play and contract 4 teams so there’s better talent. And why do we want more scoring? A goal in hockey is like a sports orgasm – a 1-0 game is fun to watch, especially when the goalie is standing on his head to make saves! I don’t really care if they get rid of the 2-line pass, and I like the automatic icing idea. Not letting the goalie roam is stupid – leads to great assists and fun fluke goals a lot. Of course, all of this is speculation until the agreement is actually made public and we can see what the real rule changes will be.

I know in my heart that the majority of hockey players (unlike the other major sports) are in it for the love of the game, not for the money. Taking away the game from them was very painful. Having to give up 24% of their salary to play again was probably something they were willing to do without much question if it meant saving the sport. The talk radio stations in Denver are saying there is no way the Avs can keep the current team together. Let’s do some math! Their payroll last year was $63 (remember, million is always implied in sports payrolls – and money embezzled by CEOs!). A 24% rollback gets it down to $47. The cap should be about $40. So, if Pierre Lacroix goes to his highest paid players, sits them down and explains they need to take another $500K cut or so to keep the team together, do you really think they’d say no? Can Joe Sakic live on $5.8 but not $5.2? If someone is all about the money – what team has money to spend and can lure them away now? Let’s say that jerk Jeremy Roenick wants his pre-lock-out pay and his team can’t afford it. Can anyone afford it now? NO! It’s not really about greed in this league; it’s about survival. The owners need to take responsibility as well because they were the ones offering contracts they couldn’t afford. Can you remember any hockey player doing what Terrell Owens is doing right now – holding out just one year into a 4-year deal for more money? No way!

Unlike the NBA & NFL, I strongly believe hockey players want the Cup in lieu of the dough. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking…


Bill Purdy said...

I miss hockey. which reminds me... I need to return a call from some desparate sales guy at the Hurricanes office.

Heather said...

I think I know the difference between getting in a car to go visit my Grandma and apparating to Grand Junction like they do in Harry Potter. Silly Pope...he probably hasn't even read Harry Potter.

Don't the hockey players play all through the playoffs and the Cup finals without getting paid?

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!