Again, if it were anyone else… Russell Crowe was arrested for throwing a phone at a hotel employee this week. If that were just an average businessman throwing a phone, the bellhop would have called him an expletive and told his friends about it. However, when it’s Russell Crowe, then we need the police involved and possibly file a multi million dollar lawsuit. Crowe did apologize, but not directly. He waited until he was on Letterman to apologize! The bellhop was working that night and missed it.
Why do all of the best stories come out of
Chill out – it’s only a month away! Two men in
Everyone loves Muslims, don’t they? I mean, even the show 24 has done public service announcements to say that the show is only a show and Muslims are wonderful people. But not
Guilty pleasures of the week:
1) Hit Me Baby One More Time – a TV show on NBC that features somewhat one-hit-wonders of the 80’s and 90’s playing their, uh, one hit and then covering a current hit. Last week (Thursday nights) included Tommy Tutone (Jenny Jenny, 867-5309), The Knack (M-M-M-My Sharona), Haddaway (What is Love – think Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell in a Night at the Roxbury), The Motels (Only the Lonely), and Vanilla Ice (Ice-Ice Baby)! They came back in the second half of the show and played, All The Small Things (Tommy Tutone/Blink 182), Are You Gonna Be My Girl (The Knack/Jet), Toxic (Haddaway/Britney Spears), Don’t Know Why (The Motels/Norah Jones), and I’m a Survivor (Vanilla Ice/Destiny’s Child). The host is a buffoon, but the performances were pretty good! Sad I missed Loverboy the week before!
2) Beauty and the Geek – yes, I’m still watching this! I reviewed it last week and I’m all wrapped up in it! I swear, I’m defending these people and telling my wife what the redeeming qualities of the show are. I know, I should be beaten like a rented goalie, but somehow the show has me mesmerized!
However, I refuse to watch Dancing with the Stars. And, frankly, it scares the hell out of me that it was 2nd in the ratings last week! Maybe it really IS the “International Phenomenon!”
I’d like to speak with the grandmadam please… An 80-year old woman in NJ (does that surprise you?) was busted for running a prostitution ring through an escort service. Insert your own denture joke here!
I’ll try to stay away from the crude and obvious jokes on this one as well, but a woman in
Charlie Brown is missing! A 6’ statue of good ol’ Charlie Brown was swiped from in front of a restaurant in CA. Don’t be too sad – there are 54 MORE Chuck statues hanging around the town of
Speaking of charity, can someone tell me why the one we shall not mention needs a 26-karat, $5 (remember, million is always implied in celebrities wasting money – and tears of a clown!) engagement ring? If you are that disgustingly wealthy, why not get an extremely obnoxious 4-karat ring for a cool million and donate the rest of the money to a decent cause? Oh, yeah – because you are the most disgustingly self-centered pig of a person on the face of the earth! Her emaciated arm won’t even be able to hold that preposterous thing up!
Mmm – PBJoint sandwich! People are getting very creative in smuggling pot – even in GA! Some guy tried to smuggle pot via his PBJ sandwich into prison. Now he gets to stay longer! YAY! Oh, and idiot potheads in MN are stealing signs for
OK, if you’re going to be a purse-snatcher, you better not be afraid of elderly women! A would-be purse-snatcher who said, “I’m going to take your purse”, approached a 91-year-old woman. She replied, “No you’re not” and beat him with the purse until he fled. That’s good stuff right there!
In SC, an off-duty police officer was just a bit surprised to see his own stolen Jetta come driving down the street. He pulled his cruiser around and arrested the car thief. If you’re going to steal a car in a small town, at least leave the city limits! Duh!
Here’s the dumbest thing I’ve found on line this week: a man in
So, if you want to rob a bank, make sure you have your OWN getaway vehicle. Some idiot in SC took a cab to a bank, asked the driver to wait, and then came running out with a fist full of cash and customers following him. Needless to say, he didn’t get anywhere. Maybe he needed the money for a car?
When I saw a headline about “Underwear Thieves” in
For that visual, you’re welcome! There’s more where that came from if you come see me at Freak Train on 6/27. I promise it could be disturbing!
Not as disturbing as this: after a family in
Since I’m on a roll here: a woman in NY found human body parts in her back yard. Apparently a stowaway mistimed his leap into a planes wheel well. The rest of him landed at the airport. Pilots noticed a “vibration and pounding” after takeoff. No biggie!
Is Michael Jackson feeding Macaulay Culkin’s fix? I’m thinking that as long as Macaulay says good things about
The guy that got shot in the leg and still delivered the pizza he was carrying should be on an inspirational poster in an office. Forget the soaring eagle; show the limping, bleeding guy with the word “DEDICATION” over his head! Or, you can use a picture of the guy in LA that escaped prison by digging a hole – just like in the movies!
God bless Penn Gillette! First of all, he and his partner Teller are brilliantly entertaining. I’ve seen them do some of the most amazing and funny things! Secondly, he had the moxie to name his newborn daughter “Moxie Crime Fighter Gillette.”
OK, weekend highlight had to be running into Tommy Chong at Twist and Shout Saturday with my wife and niece. He was even kind enough to let us take a quick camera phone pic with my niece! FYI, he was driving a Suzuki sedan!
Lee won’t like this, but a 220 pound black bear chased a dog back into a house in VA. The dog was attacked as the bear went on a 40-minute rampage in the house. Owners eventually locked the bear in a closet – the dog was treated for puncture wounds. My Lab high-tails it back into the house when she sees a
A man led police on a chase in
There is a big, stinky problem in
Remember when you were a kid, playing outside on a summer day, and you heard the jingling music of the Ice Cream Man coming down the street? You dropped everything and ran to mom for some money to go get a Bomb Pop! Well, the stoners are doing the same thing in
I told you cats are the devil’s creatures many times. A pair of kittens in
Talk about a mad cow! Police in
Just in case you are feeling more comfortable with our highly trained border officials looking out for ANYONE that could be detrimental to the well-being of Americans, let me make you a little paranoid again. A man carrying a sword, a hatchet, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood crossed the U.S.-Canadian border this week. I’ve seen 8-year-old girls in pigtails get cuffed and frisked in airports, but “Jason” walked right on through! No worries, thought: two days after being allowed into the
You know, there are stupid people all over the country – not just in the south! In
A student in
You know, when you send the kids to school, you want them to learn from the best. For instance, when being taught about safety when starting fires outdoors for camping, you want a retired forest ranger like Gary Hodgson in NY. Well, you probably wanted him before last week when he had a little mishap and nearly burned down the school. Something tells me
Speaking of retired, Mike Tyson gave up mid-fight last night! Tyson fought