Sunday, May 15, 2005

PAFC Newsletter, 5/15/05

So I was wearing this lime green shirt at the mall the other day and people were looking at me all funny. Probably because it had a scary picture of my brother on the front ( and a collage of me on the back (, Would you like to get funny looks from people in public? Well then go buy a freakin’ t-shirt! And, YES, my wife was seen in public with me in that shirt. Not sure how exactly, but she hasn’t run away screaming…yet!

For those of you who don’t know, my wife Katy and I actually met in Jr. High. We graduated high school together and knew each other, but didn’t hang out really in high school. The scary thing is, she actually took a picture of me standing up against the lockers in Jr. High!

Yeah, that’s good stuff right there! Believe it or not, Katy’s friend Brooke thought I was hot. Well, how could she NOT! I mean, can you see that pic there? Anyway, I wasn’t very nice back then to the woman I eventually married. Here’s what I wrote in Brooke’s yearbook in 1983:

“Brooke, Have a great summer and stay away from Katy. –Patrick Angello”

In case that wasn’t mean enough, here’s how I signed Katy’s yearbook:

Katy, You’re a real pain in the butt, but it was nice meeting you. –Patrick Angello”

Hey, at least I spelled her name right! Give me SOMETHING! It’s OK, she was in love with Ken and his huge head at the time as I recall by her scribbles in Brooke’s yearbook.

You so CRAZY! The brilliantly funny Dave Chappelle has disappeared – reportedly checking himself into a mental health facility in South Africa! Wow! I knew the guy was nuts, but I didn’t take it literally! He is a great comedian and his sketch comedy show on Comedy Central has really killed me a few times. He had just signed a $50 (remember, million is always implied in TV contracts – and the number of people that think Barber Shop should be a trilogy) contract for Chappelle’s Show. This is just odd!

I know I went WAY out on a limb when I predicted that the two number one seeds in the NBA would play for the title. Sorry to disappoint, but I was hoping to make some upset calls in the first two rounds. I guess I blew that! I have one major complaint about the NBA right now (really, just one – and it’s not Bill Walton) and that is WHY must they play music during play? And all the stupid noises after a dunk that come over the loud speakers? Is the crowd not enough? We, as a society, are quickly destroying everything that is good by trying to make it better. Hockey is toast, and I’m sure the Canadians LOVE us for that, and everything gets over-hyped that people no longer care anymore. Unfortunately, this makes the networks think that they didn’t hype the event enough and it gets worse every year! I’m just so tired of it all. And can someone explain how Jim Rome got famous? I swear to you, the guy made the dumbest comment ever said on the radio. (Next to the DJ that noticed Danny Elfman did the theme to Desperate Housewives and said Elfman “popped up after hiding for the last 20 years.” Yeah, one of the most accomplished movie soundtrack composers in the world has been hiding!) In April one year, the only time that all 4 major sports are active (spring training is about to end in baseball, hockey and basketball are heading to the playoffs, and football has its draft), Rome literally said, “You know it’s a slow time in sports when you’re hearing about the International Marble Championships.” OK, how long and hard did he have to search to find something about that? Who has EVER seen any press about a marble tournament, and what other month of the year do you see all 4 major league sports showing activity? Freakin’ moron!

Whew, I feel much better now!

A man that claims he originally wrote “Sometimes” is suing Britney Spears for the song. What? She doesn’t write her own songs? The man wrote the song in 1990 but didn’t copyright it until 2003, but Spears already had a copyright in 1999 for the tune. However, the man DID send a copy via the mail (a “poor man’s copyright”) in 1990. Spears’ response, “I now know for a fact that you wrote ‘Sometimes.’ But there's nothing I can do about it. That's all I can say about it.” There’s PLENTY she can do about it, like share some of her billions of dollars with the guy! Seriously, a few million is nothing to her and would make the guy shut up! What an ungrateful bizzle! I hope this pregnancy thing turns her into a 450 pound monster!

Remember the good old days when parents thought their kids were on drugs? Well a girl in Britain was thrown into a bag and almost hurled into the river by her mom and aunt because they believed she was a witch! Members of her family had regularly abused the girl after they had become convinced she was putting curses on them. “They called my uncle and they all started slapping me. They were going to throw me into water. They were going to throw me off the third floor where my auntie lived.” Nice! No word on the girl’s age, but what century is it anyway? She couldn’t possibly be a witch – she’s gotta be the anti-Christ. Duh!

Being a person who has never ingested or attempted to use illegal drugs (just not my thing, not that I’m a poozy), I am always fascinated by the lengths people go to trying to pass urine tests. The latest product is the Whizzinator (! This is a fake, uh, appendage that literally urinates out your urine. What are you thinking people?

I know some pet owners are a little goofy about their animals, but do we really need a product that interprets dog barks? All you have to do is look into your dog’s eyes to know how it feels. Big brown sad puppy eyes means, “Do you have to go?” Happy excited eyes means, “Where are we going?” Seriously, donate the money that went into producing this product to a homeless shelter or something!

BARTLESVILLE, Okla. (AP) - A man has been accused of exposing himself outside of a restaurant while wearing a white mini skirt.” Please step away from the man in the mini skirt. I repeat, step away from the man in the mini skirt!

While we’re on the subject of disturbing men, a man in France stripped in the French Senate to show opposition to the European Union constitution. I guess he was hoping nobody wanted to see it SO badly that they’d just do whatever he asked when he got down to the undies!

It gets worse: a high school senior in WI was ticketed for disorderly conduct because he wore a dress to prom. The school claims the disorderly conduct was because of his dirty dancing with his date, but the kid claims many people were dancing like that and he was singled out. How proud his parents must be! Maybe you can find him on a T-shirt here:!

Having trouble with a restless toddler? Maybe you should have someone ram a car through the kid’s bedroom! A man on the run from police crashed a stolen vehicle into a house and then took off. The guy plowed the car into a baby’s room, but fortunately didn’t hurt the kid. And the kid slept through the entire thing! Better get him a Clocky when he gets older or he’ll never get to school on time!

“It's tough to hide a 10-foot weenie,” Rock Hill police Lt. Jerry Waldrop said. Someone stole a sign featuring a 10 foot hot dog in a bun in South Carolina. What did you think he was talking about? “I just want my weenie back,” said owner of the hot dog stand, Loyd Ardrey. You can’t make this stuff up!

While I’m picking on South Carolina, a gun safety class at a middle school ended with shots fired! The officer teaching the class was trying to demonstrate how hard it is to get the gun from his holster and challenged a kid to grab it. The kid pulled the trigger and the holstered gun went off. Fortunately nobody was hurt, and I guess the cop showed that you really can’t get a gun from his holster. You can probably shoot him in the foot, but the gun would stay put.

Nerds, er, some people paid $500 each to get a sneak peek at the new Star Wars film. I think the money went to charity (please, God, tell me the money went to charity!), but I found some photos of the party!

If you are traveling to Mexico in the near future, beware of Mariachi bands! It seems there has been a recent run of pirate Mariachi bands in Mexico and they are stealing people’s wallets and purses. Now, exactly how scary can a little round Mexican in a sombrero be?

People will do just about anything to get noticed. Such as putting their face on a t-shirt and expecting friends to buy it! Or, trying to find inspiration for writing a novel while living in a box in an art museum. It’s supposed to be the literary equivalent of reality TV, but a couple starving writers thought people would actually be interested in seeing what they can come up with after living in a box for a month. Well, it certainly has all the excitement a novel should have with, um, a box and, um, a guy and, uh, well, I think that’s about it! It’s sure to be a best seller!

Why should you sweat the details? A high school in Florida has postponed handing out diplomas to their graduating class because many names of students and faculty were misspelled. Oh, and simple words like “chairman” as well. Sownds lyke dey gott demselfs a edgucashun!

We are currently under contract as we sell our house and it’s supposed to be a cash deal. So this next story scares me! A couple in Idaho just bought a house with a completely forged cashiers check! Granted they were caught, but they made a $37.10 check look like it was worth $317,000.00! Yeah, just one more thing to make me nervous about this deal!

Only in the south! A man has been accused of alcohol poisoning a toddler! Seems ol’ Uncle Bubba thought letting a 16-month old drink a mixed beverage was a good idea. The kid is going to be OK, but what the heck is the guy thinking? I mean a dog, sure, but a kid? Wait!


Heather said...

That's really cool about you & your wife. Collin & I first met when we were attendants in my brother's wedding...he was my "aisle mate." I don't think we talked at all past "Hi." It took 4 years after that for us to get together!

Pat Angello said...

Great story Heather. Yeah, 10 years after highschool we ran into each other at an Avs game and were married 18 months later.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!