Sunday, May 01, 2005

PAFC Newsletter 5/1/05

OK, so I didn’t update the blog last week, but I swear I will make it up to you this week with TWO updates! I have two movies and two new CDs to review, so stay tuned!

Also, not only is the Tony Angello Appreciation Society (www.cafepress.com/tonyaas) fully functioning with some classic pics of my brother and the ghetto prom, but I’ve also changed some of the pics on the ORIGINAL Pat Angello Fan Club site: www.cafepress.com/pafc (see shirt above)! These pics are from when I was growing up, but not the same pics you’ll find at the other PAFC site: www.cafepress.com/pafc2. So go check out all 3 sites today!

Thanks to all that came down to the Freak Train at the Bug Theater – what a blast! I will certainly try to do that again at the end of May. It will be on Monday, May 30th (yup, Memorial Day)! You really should give it a shot whether I’m there or not – the hostesses are great and the acts are a lot of fun. Plus, the crowd is extremely loyal and supportive. That said, I better have new material for the next time!

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Rosie O’Donnell was a great stand-up comedienne. She was even funny as a talk show host! But she saved her best comedic role for Sunday’s Riding the Bus with my Sister – the SHORT bus that is. What? It’s an “inspiring true story about the unbreakable bond between two very different sisters?” Really? Kate looked at me during one of the (numerous) promos and asked if it was supposed to be a comedy. Sorry, but the promos alone for this show made me cry – laughing. This is basically the same character she played in Exit to Eden, but with equilibrium issues and the standard issued mentally challenged flowered hat. Not helmet, hat. Hockey equipment was not required. This is the best comedy of the year!

Yeah, the more I type about this show, the nicer my suite in hell becomes! But the issue is this: playing a mentally challenged (do you have any idea how hard it is for me to NOT type the word “retarded”?) person should be done by great actors, not former comedians! Sure Robin Williams was pretty good in The Fisher King, but ever since Dustin Hoffman won an Oscar for Rain Man, every actor in Hollywood wants to play the “slow” person. People Magazine dared to call O’Donnell’s performance worthy of an Emmy nod! Please! Could anyone really watch even Giovanni Ribisi and Juliette Lewis in The Other Sister without smirking? Be honest!

I know people in college do stupid things – heck, even I did stupid things in college that I won’t mention because my mother reads this every week. I wasn’t quite this dumb, probably because I wasn’t in a fraternity (no offense). The Pi Kappa Phi at good old Cal Berkley thought it would be a good idea to haze a new recruit by shooting a BB gun at him about 30 times. CA has already lost a student to water poisoning during hazing this year. How many beers does it take before shooting a BB gun at someone sounds like a good idea?

Burger King French fries (if you call them Freedom fries I will slap you into next week) aren’t even very good. However, when they ran out of fries in DuBois, PA, some dude went ballistic and went into fries rage! The police were called to arrest him as he made obscene gestures, cursed, and tried to run over an employee. He even kicked out the window of the police cruiser after getting arrested! Dude, they’re bad fries – hardly worth 45 days in jail!

Just what we need – kid-friendly air shows! My wife’s theory on air shows? People die there. So why not bring the kids, because PBS’s “Jay Jay the Jet Plane” will be appearing nation wide at air shows! It’ll be fun for the whole family until that one plane loses control and summersaults across the ground killing 38 and injuring 143! But at least the kids will get to see Jay Jay! I’m sure his presence will erase any nightmares they are sure to have of the screaming, burning bodies.

OK, I just had to comment on this because I saw the headline: “Clay Aiken Invites Girls to Oprah Show.” I was shocked too! Actually, it’s not what you think – he pulled the old switcheroo by being on the Oprah bus (I’m biting my tongue so hard it’s bleeding right now!) to invite them to the show instead of Oprah being on the bus. Anytime I see the name Clay Aiken and the word “girls” in a headline, I know it’s not what I was thinking. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

FYI, guess who’s on the cover of the latest Oprah magazine? Surprise, its OPRAH!

Speaking of busses – the biggest plane in history took flight this week, the Airbus A380. This two story, gigantic piece of metal can carry 840 passengers! In other words, it’s an enormous tragedy waiting to happen! It only took 11 years and $13 billion to build. Not sure I’d be comfortable flying on this thing, since the biggest obstacle the engineers faced was getting it off the ground.

When I was in college, we had a little issue in our cafeteria. A ceiling tile collapsed due to the weight of, get ready for it, maggots. Yeah, I went for fast food a lot after that! It was very disgusting. So if that didn’t make you lose your lunch, here we go. A man in Bangkok was having an itchy ear problem. After a Q-Tip made his eardrum bleed, he went to the hospital where 50 maggots were found in his ear! These are the tsunami stories everyone wants to hear!

If you want to see something really cool, then plan a trip to Hamburg Germany and visit the pond of exploding toads! Scientists can’t explain it, but talk about fun for the whole family! What’s more cool than watching toads explode for no reason?

This story is really only here because it takes place in the German town I was born in, Heidelberg. Essentially, some guy who calls himself a professor (that’s the big controversy, because he can’t prove it) has an exhibit of preserved corpses.

Too good to be true, a couple of guys who literally found a buried treasure in their back yard actually STOLE the money and faked the whole thing. Nice try! Like people are really going to find a stash of extremely old bills buried in their yard…

Darn it – we picked the wrong stinkin’ pope! According to some freaky doomsayers (because there are legitimate doomsayers), Pope Benedict XVI is the beginning of the end of days! Apparently Benedict fits the description of the second-to-last pope listed under the prophecy before the Last Judgment, when the bible says God separates the wicked from the righteous at the end of time. OK, I’m scared now! Actually, I’m more fascinated by freaky religious people that believe this crap! Ever notice that every January the super market carries tabloids saying that this it’s the year the world will end? I guess they will be correct eventually, but don’t bet the house on it.

Drat – I just jinxed us all! The end of the world IS right around the corner! How do I know this? Because Entertainment Tonight has “won” the rights to televise the wedding of Mary Kay Letourneau and her former sixth-grade pupil Vili Fualaau, the father of her two youngest children. Who on God’s green earth would want to see this? It truly is the end of days!

Since I’m on the cradle-robbing subject, what is Katie Holmes doing with Tom Cruise? Sure it’s not as disgusting as what Anna Nicole Smith was doing, but can she not find someone in their 20’s that’s famous and available? Guh!

The Star Magazine always shows pictures that make people think they are doctored – and they are! The Star Rag has fine print for a story about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt “caught together on vacation” that has a disclaimer saying the image is a “composite of two photographs!” So they are admitting to faking pictures! And people read this crap like its true! Stop it, darn it! Just STOP!

By “this crap” I meant Star Magazine, not this phenomenally well-written weekly newsletter y’all “subscribe” to!

The political correctness of this country is truly our downfall. Now, by erecting a statue of Elizabeth Montgomery/Samantha Stevens (from Bewitched), the people of Salem MA are saying it is insensitive. It’s a freakin’ TV show! And how long ago were the witch trials? This reminds me of the Geico commercial with the cavemen!

Don’t mess with Texas – they have moved on to horses! After successfully cloning a cat in 2001, Texas A&M has now cloned a horse. This freaks me out – we should NOT be doing this. And it only took 400 attempts! So what happened to the other mutated 399, um, things? Do they look like the pig-lizard from Galaxy Quest after it was transported to the ship inside out? “And it exploded!”

In RI, an 80-year-old woman rescued her 67-year-old neighbor from an apartment fire, carrying the ailing woman down two flights of stairs! That’s just damn cool! God bless them both!

Someone needs to shut TO up once and for all. They guy signs a 7 year, $49 million contract and now wants to renegotiate after one season? Take a hike! He cried his way on to the team, and now he’s crying some more. Keep it up, and you’ll be pushing a hot dog cart around the stadium!

I’ve heard of frogeye salad, but frog shakes is yucky! In Peru, people are blending frogs into drinks as an aphrodisiac. And I thought oysters were gross! What’s red and green and goes 100 mph? Exactly!

My dad was a bit disappointed last week as I completely spaced commenting on the Broncos picking up Maurice Clarett. I don’t even know what to say! Shanahan has always drafted team captains and stand-up kids. Recently, for some reason, he’s gone after thugs and idiots! And why do we have a bunch of Cleveland rejects on our defensive line? Do we really want to be called the Browncos? Clarett is a whiney trouble-maker that expects everything handed to him – bad decision! But if it worked for Karl Malone…

Speaking of the round ball, I’m a bit nervous about the Nugs! I didn’t expect two victories in San Antonio, but I expected them in Denver. Saturday’s loss (can I really blame the officials for two horrible calls that destroyed Nugget runs?) just eliminated their swipe of home court advantage from the Spurs. I expect a win Monday, but I don’t see them winning in San Antonio again, meaning the Spurs should take them in 7. It was just so frustrating to see them have Saturday’s game right in their grasp TWICE in the 4th just to fold down the stretch. I thought this was the ultimate 4th quarter team!

1 comment:

Bill Purdy said...

In case you missed it, you can see highlights of Rosie's stndout performance as a "developmentally disabled woman" (i.e., retard) here (copy link and paste in your browser):

http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/television_specials/000761.php

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!