Friday, April 08, 2005

PAFC Top 11 List Contest Submissions!

Male Winner:

BP: Top 11 things you can spell with the letters in "Gerard Patrick Angello"

11. A repackaged ring troll
10. A droll pancake trigger
9. Greet a lord, Carpal King
8. Erik A. Grog, Placental Dr.
7. Torn griller package ad
6. A killer gardner got a PC
5. "Kelp," a retard conga girl
4. Prenatal lick rag, gored
3. Gargle a (um, can't say that here!)
2. Rig gold tar, (or this!)
1. Large (naughty werd!) raptor angel

Female Winner:

PW: "Top 11 Things You'll Never Hear Uttered In Highlands Ranch, CO"

11. "Orange slices? Hell, I'll just buy a box of Twinkies and they can live with that."
10. "Starbucks? Never touch the stuff."
9. "My wife? Nah, she works at a 7-11 -- we need that extra income for my bail bonds."
8. "As soon as my brother-in-law gets me the parts, I'll get that thing off the blocks and running like a dream."
7. "Damn, with all these trees, I can't tell if it's a sunny day or not!"
6. "Why, sure, Kari, I'd love to go grab a Budweiser with you -- the kids at soccer practice can just wait a little while longer."
5. "Our block party was great - Shaniqua brought a marvelous cake, Chung-Hui made pot-stickers, and Marisol does a kick-ass tamale."
4. "You know, I'd just like to find a cute place that's painted pink -- no cookie-cutter houses for me."
3. "Do you know any small hardware stores? I just hate giving my business to the big-box stores."
2. "Hunter? Madison? Skyler? Taylor? What odd little names for children..."
1. "Ugh, this Hummer is just too big and uneconomical -- let's go shopping for a Kia."

The Rest:

BP: Top 11 Things You Can Do On April 6

11. Roll up those pennies in that jar over there
10. Drive an automatic using both of your feet (not safe for paraplegics)
9. Steal a frozen burrito from 7-Eleven. If you're feeling really brazen, pour and steal a Slurpee, too.
8. Finish editing the first chapter of my novel -- I'm almost done with Chapter 2
7. Clip your toenails (they're scratching me in bed)
6. Renew your subscription to Martha Stewart Living
5. Watch the network television premier of About A Boy, starring the always-lovable Hugh Grant
4. Brush your teef without using toofpaste
3. Buy a Flowbee
2. Solve the Jumble -- I mean ALL of it, not just the clue words
1. Blow real hard at somewhere between 34 and 36 candles, like anyone's counting

SA: Top 11 Reasons Steroids Should Be Mandatory In Baseball

11. The players’ futures – possibly politics (like the governor of Colly-fornia)
10. Two words: Oxy Clean
9. For the kids
8. New promotional nights – Roid Rage Night: get punched by a player, receive free representation
7. Nickname possibilities – e.g. T!ts Malone or Kidney Failure McGee
6. The possibility of 100 home runs…not in a season, but in a doubleheader
5. No more collective bargaining problems….unless the owners start taking them too
4. Aid the budding syringe economy
3. Games will finally be decided as they were intended – in the lab
2. Coconut scented “The Cream”
1. So everybody will understand that Barry Bonds is the “victim”

MW: Top 11 Signs (some unknown guy) is a girly man/wuss

11) Emotional drunk
10) Likes to talk about his feelings a lot
9) Does not know the difference about rotating tires and balancing tires
8) Stands and watches a girl hook up a stereo handing her the tools
7) Thinks that powering off a computer will make it work
6) He has a lime green shirt : )
5) Likes to say he is good at sports until his friends correct him
4) Cannot hold his own opinion
3) Uses SUAVE body wash
2) Touchy/Feely
1) Thinks 30 seconds will keep somebody wanting to come back for more

TS: TOP 11 THINGS THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR BEFORE THE WEEDING:

11. You want 6 brides maids and 6 grooms men in the wedding?
10. The wedding chapel is in what state?
9. The Groom's family are from Arkansas and are bringing their pet pig?
8. Give away the bride? This is more like highway robbery!
7. How many people will be staying at our house?
6. You spent how much on that wedding dress?
5. And that did NOT include the veil?
4. Daddy? Billy-Sean-Jim-Bob, you know, my fiancée`? Well, you know he is between work so he was thinking you might give him a loan for our honeymoon. We only need $10,000 for the cruise we want to take!
3. You say your dress is getting too tight around the waist?
2. After our honeymoon we thought we could live with you for awhile.
1. Where did you say you were? You eloped?

KA (it’s OK – she’s my wifey!): The top 11 reasons why Patrick Angello is the man of my dreams!
11. Your fuzziness
10. Your cuteness
9. You always make me laugh!
8. Your bedroom eyes
7. Your willingness to try new things (mostly!)
6. The way you treat your family
5. The way you treat my family
4. Because you look so sweet nuggling with our baby
3. "Daddy Blanket"
2. You love me just the way I am
1. You are my soul mate!

NM: Lliam's Top Ten Baby Toys

10 The ceiling. Hours of staring wondering why mommy and daddy are making those noises...
9 Whatever it was that he just put in his mouth. It looked kind of shiny and plasticky--but it's gone now.
8 The Dog's tail--there's a funny fuzzy thing that makes noise at the other end!
7 The Mirror--What's better than another Lliam?
6 TV: Big, Flashy, Mind-Melting, and able to cause epileptic seizures; what's not to like.
5 Plastic Bags--They make a fun crinkly noise while mom goes away to take a shower.
4 Dog poop--organic and from a beloved member of your family who licks your hands and faces after licking his but. It's all the same, but the poop comes in all consistencies, giving hours of amusement.
3 Mom's Boobs--you can never get or give enough gastronomic love.
2 Lliam's Scrotum. Trust me, when he finds it the faces he makes prove this is the best toy of all!
1 The PAFC button on his carrier: A sharp point and a picture of his primary role model!

THANKS TO ALL THAT PARTICIPATED – A SPECIAL TREAT IS COMING YOUR WAY!

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Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!