Sunday, March 27, 2005

PAFC Newsletter 3/27/05

Since my birthday is coming up, I thought we’d all celebrate with another PAFC contest! YAY! My birthday is only 10 days away (April 6th) – and if any of my friends or family members are thinking about buying me something, DON’T! I’d rather have you take that money and donate it in Mark “Smitty” Smith’s memory to either the Hyland Hills Youth Hockey Scholarship Program at 10710 Westminster Blvd in Westminster, CO 80020, or to the American Heart Association. I don’t care if it’s $5.00 or $575.00 – I can’t think of anything I want or need! Thanks!

Also, don’t forget to buy Pat Angello Fan Club merchandise: www.cafepress.com/pafc! For every order placed though the end of April, I will donate $5.00 to the American Heart Association in Smitty’s name. C’mon, give someone a PAFC T-shirt for April Fool’s Day!

So what’s the contest this time? How about a Top 11 List contest! Top 11 what you ask? How about whatever you want! Heck, you can even make it about Pat Angello (wink-wink, stroking the ego always scores brownie points). Top 11 reasons Pat Angello dislikes reality TV. Top 11 things that make you sneeze. Be creative and have some fun! You have until Wednesday, April 6th at midnight to submit. Just email a list to me! I will pick my two favorites (one male, one female) and give the winners $20 in PAFC merchandise! (Previous winners are exempt, but all entries are welcome and will be posted on the blog next week.) So, if you missed your chance on the last contest, get busy!

Here’s a classic Top 11 List to get you in the mood:

Top 11 Rejected Jolly Rancher Flavors

11) Duck
10) Sewer
9) Toilet Water (although it tested well with dogs)
8) Asparagus
7) Lima Bean
6) Manure
5) European
4) Lemon
3) Bed Stain
2) Retirement Community
1) Passed Out Drunk On The Bus

Jamster ads are starting to tick me off! These stupid banner ads with the dancing monster in the pilot hat and goggles with the googly eyes are simply annoying! And who really wants a ring tone that’s some idiot’s voice saying, “Hey – yer phone is ringin’!” Is it just me that’s completely annoyed by this every time I get on the Internet? Seriously, someone back me up here!

Speaking of backing me up, am I the only one that thinks, “What the hell IS that thing?” every time I see a picture of Michael Jackson? And who is the guy that “gets” to play him on Court TV? There’s comedy, and then there’s the Michael Jackson trial reenactments on Court TV. I didn’t realize there were so many out of work clowns these days! It’s like a train wreck that I can’t turn away from.

Speaking of entertainment, I only wish you could hear my wife doing David Lee Roth screams along with the radio in the car. One of these days I’m going to capture it on my cell phone’s voice memo function. Maybe I can get my phone to ring like that. Dude, we can start our own Jamster! I think I’m on to something here!

Purdy is getting hot on the Nuggies, and so am I, frankly! George Karl and Doug Moe have done a fantastic job getting this team into the playoff hunt and playing great ball as the regular season winds down. If they draw San Antonio with a gimpy Tim Duncan in the first round, the Nugs will get to the second round. Heck, they may even give Phoenix trouble depending on where they end up. All I know is they will be fun to watch in the playoffs and could shake up the West – nobody wants to play these guys right now. I can only imagine what the Nuggets will be like next year when Karl can mold them for the entire season! They will certainly be a top 4 seed and get home court in the first round of the playoffs. No place to go but up, Baby!

Miss USA contest redefines “celebrity judges” by selecting a reject from the Apprentice and models nobody has ever heard of. Sure they brought in Sugar Ray Leonard, but the rest of the panel sounds like they were pulled off the street! And nobody knows beauty, skill, grace and talent like a former boxer and a soap opera actor! Let me just take this opportunity to say that reality show rejects are NOT celebrities! They have done nothing to make them celebrities – they are not actors, musicians, politicians, athletes, etc – they are merely the idiots that went to a mall audition and made the biggest asses out of themselves!

I have to say that the high school shooting in Minnesota was just a horrible thing to hear about. And, as the Purdy’s pointed out, when it is called the “worst since Columbine,” it is scary to think that we have a benchmark for high school shootings. What scares me even more is that this story took a back-back seat on the AP to 1) whether or not a woman that has been brain dead for 15 years should finally die, and 2) that Michael Jackson showed up ON TIME to his child molestation trial. This tragedy actually looked like an “oh, by the way” headline on the Internet!

After being acquitted, Robert Blake is now speculating on who really killed his wife. In fact, he has a very important meeting at Augusta with OJ Simpson to discuss a strategy.

Here’s another reason why I love drunken people. A guy in Japan hijacked an airport shuttle bus and demanded it take him to, uh, the airport! See? It’s not always a coyote story! Oh, he had no weapon and even paid for his bus ticket!

Here’s why I never play the lotto. In New York, the paper ran the wrong winning numbers for a scratch match game. Hundreds of people showed up at the newspaper office and they were just a tad upset! I remember when I worked in a CD store and Denver had just had its largest jackpot winner. Everyone was talking about it. One of my customers said he didn’t play the lottery anymore. When I asked him why, he explained that he played the same numbers every week. One week he went out of town and forgot to play – his numbers came up that week. He felt he was never meant to win, so he stopped playing. Somehow he didn’t seem nearly as upset as I thought he’d be! There are some people who would be almost suicidal over something like that!

For the record, I don’t hate all of Iowa, but Council Bluffs is a hole! And it’s the only place where an Easter Bunny can get arrested for harassment! A man dressed as an Easter Bunny at the Bluffs Mall got upset when someone threw water and other objects on him. Nice town – where else do people taunt the Easter Bunny? So, he got mad, stormed out and threatened people on the way. That’s the Easter spirit!

Uh, Happy Easter everyone!

Here’s one way to avoid the steroids issue in baseball – go on the injured list for the season! Barry Bonds, the poster boy for avoiding steroids questioning, has a bad knee and could miss the entire season. And he blames the media for it, saying they “finally brought me and my family down.” Yeah, I remember that gang of reporters going after his knee in December! Or was that when Sammy Sosa hired Jeff Gilooly? Doctors think he’ll be out about 6 weeks, but in Bonds’ mind, he’s out until the middle of NEXT season. Sure he’s 40, but what kind of positive attitude is that? I hope he does go away – he doesn’t deserve the HR record. And how horrible was the media to him anyway? Haven’t they been praising him for the last 3 seasons? “My son and I are just going to enjoy our lives. You guys wanted to hurt me bad enough, you finally got me,” Bonds said. “I'm mentally drained. I'm tired of my kids crying.” Oh, boo-hoo! I’m sure his son is crying in the millions and millions of dollars they have! What’s the matter? Did Daddy buy you the wrong color Porsche?

While we’re on it, I don’t think Wayne Hagin’s comments about Todd Helton should even be discussed. The guy made an extremely stupid statement and then tried to back-peddle out of it. Let’s just let the steroid testing prove itself before we start pointing fingers.

Are you like me? Do you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock 5 times and then realize that it’s no longer going to go off and you’re late for work? Well, now there is hope with Clocky the alarm clock! MIT nerds have created Clocky, an alarm clock on wheels. You hit the snooze button once and Clocky rolls off your nightstand and across the room. When he goes off again, you have to hunt him down. In my house, I think Clocky would get thrown out the window!

Let’s say you are a schoolteacher who is having trouble passing your certification exam. Would you: A) study really hard for the next one, B) bribe a bright teacher to take it for you, or C) payoff a homeless and mentally unstable man to take it for you? If you answered “C” then you must be Wayne Brightly of New York! Amazingly, the homeless man passed, but Brightly was busted. A bad fake ID and a copy of someone’s social security card can get you just about anywhere these days!

I know – it was food poisoning on the plane, right Whitney? So you’ve checked yourself into rehab for…? She had denied using drugs for years, but finally broke down and admitted to cocaine use in 2002. The “power of prayer” has helped her get over drugs. Well, looks like her prayers are losing some power. Am I being cold here? Ya know I would actually feel bad for these people if they could be upfront and honest to start with. Then I could have some respect for them and actually care. But when they try to hide the truth forever and point fingers at others (Pete Rose) because NOTHING is ever their own fault, then I have no respect for them. If I mess up, I’ll admit to it. I’m not going to hide or point fingers. My mistake – my problem! Respect me for being human just enough to help me when I ask for it. It’s really not that difficult!

My wife used to love Wendy’s chili. Now, after someone in San Francisco took a bite of Wendy’s chili only to spit out a human finger, I think KT is done with Wendy’s. “This individual apparently did take a spoonful, did have a finger in their mouth and then, you know, spit it out and recognized it,” said Ben Gale, director of the department of environmental health for Santa Clara County. “Then they had some kind of emotional reaction and vomited.” Yeah they did! Wendy’s chili: it’s finger lickin’ good!

American Idol made a little mistake this week by giving the wrong phone numbers for America to call in and vote, thus delaying the premier of Life on a Stick to everyone’s disappointment (not nearly as disappointing as watching the pilot the next day – ugh)! However, Paula Abdul was charged with a hit-and-run this week! In December she switched lanes, clipped a car, and then took off. The driver she hit took a cell phone picture and wrote down the license plate number, which was traced back to Paula. I really think she showed a lot of poise and confidence in this accident. She looked very comfortable driving off in a hurry and really took that misdemeanor and made it her own. Good job!

I know everyone wants to talk about the NCAA Basketball Tournament and the Final Four, but I’m more excited about the FROZEN Four! On April 7th, the NCAA Hockey Frozen Four will begin, with Colorado College AND Denver University in it to win it! Unfortunately, they are matched up in the first game so they won’t get to play each other for the National Title. However, both teams were awesome this weekend and I can’t wait to see them play each other again – what a fantastic rivalry!

Happy Birthday Renee! We are still thinking about you!

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Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!