Sunday, March 13, 2005

2004 PAFC Awards!

I know y’all can hardly contain yourselves for this – you’ve probably been losing sleep anxiously waiting, but it’s time for my own personal awards ceremony! OK, so the lovely and talented Mrs. Pat Angello (as my grandmother calls her) assisted. Just combine the ESPY’s, Grammy’s, Emmy’s, Oscar’s and Razzies and you’ll see what I’m shooting for. BTW, these are purely based on personal opinion and experience – if you can’t believe I didn’t mention a certain movie, that’s because I probably didn’t see it. Want to comment and give your opinion? I welcome it! You can email me, or you can post them on the blog for everyone to see (comment link at the end of each article). Remember, foul language on the blog is not tolerated.

And now, for strictly my own amusement – it’s the 2004 PAFC Awards!


Team of the Year – Red Sox. Seriously, is there any question about this?
Manager of the Year – Terry Francona. Anyone that could hold those guys together when they were down 3-0 to the Yankees…
Player of the Year – TIE: Ichiro Suzuki and Barry Bonds. An amazing hits record and hulk-like steroids – ya gotta love it!
Most Influential Play of the Year – Curt Shilling pitching with a surgically repaired ankle was just plain crazy!
Idiot of the Year – Jason Giambi. Just shut up already! And I thought steroids were supposed to make you better!

Team of the Year – Detroit Pistons. They were simply awesome in the playoffs.
Coach of the Year – Larry Brown. He finally won a title – it may never happen again.
Player of the Year – LeBron James. A human highlight reel!
Most Influential Play of the Year – The fight, as if there is a question!
Idiot of the Year – Ron Artest. Don’t let the door hitcha...

Team of the Year – Pittsburgh Steelers. It was amazing to watch them ride a rookie QB that far!
Coach of the Year – Bill Belichick. He’s got Manning’s number and can beat anyone when it matters.
Player of the Year – Peyton Manning. Sure he can’t win in the playoffs, but what a season!
Most Influential Play of the Year – The Jets missing two game winning field goals in a row in the playoffs!
Idiot of the Year – Randy Moss. Anyone that walks off the field during a tight game before the final gun…

Hockey (I’m trying to remember!)
Team of the Year – Calgary Flames. They were amazing in the playoffs as complete underdogs!
Coach of the Year – John Tortorella. Led the Tampa Bay Lightning to the Promised Land.
Player of the Year – Martin St. Louis. Led the league in just about everything!
Most Influential Play of the Year – Was there anything more memorable than the cheap shot Todd Bertuzzi took on Steve Moore?
Idiot of the Year – Todd Bertuzzi. Quit faking the tears!

Miscellaneous Sports Moment of the Year
No Hockey. Sure there are many things to choose from, but this is killing me!


Best Show – Arrested Development. Nothing makes me laugh out loud every single week.
Honorable Mention – Listen Up. Has a former Seinfeld character finally found a new home?
Best Actor – Will Arnett. AKA, GOB (pronounced Jobe and initials of George Oscar Bluth III). The failing magician brother on Arrested Development – best character on TV.
Best Actress – Megyn Price. Even though Grounded For Life was cancelled, she’s still my favorite comedy actress.
Best Show That Was Cancelled Too Early – Wonderfalls. Quirky and fun dramedy that you absolutely must rent on DVD. Do it NOW!
Worst Show – Hope & Faith. I love Kelly Ripa, but WOW is this thing painful to watch!

Best Show – Lost. I can’t get enough!
Honorable Mentions – Desperate Housewives & 24. Like Lost, you hate that the show has to end every week!
Best Actor – Jorge Garcia. Plays Hurley on Lost – he is my OTHER favorite character on TV.
Best Actress – Teri Hatcher. Looks great for her age and is a delight to watch every week.

Late Night
Best Sketch Comedy Show – SNL. Great cast and always fun!
Best Talk Show – Late Night with Conan O’Brien. He’s the best at interviewing on TV
Worst Talk Show – Tonight Show with Jay Leno (4-TIMER). Does anyone watch this and NOT see his jokes coming from a mile away?
Best Talk Show Band – The Max Weinberg 7 (4-TIMER) from Conan O’Brien. Still the best on TV.
Best Talk Show Gag – This Week in Unnecessary Censorship from Jimmy Kimmel Live. Dumbest thing on TV but it always makes me laugh.

Sort of Rip-Off Comedy/Drama That I Love – House. What a bastard he is, but darn it if he’s not funny!


Punk Rock
Best CD of the Year – The Hives: Tyrannosaurus Hives. Go ahead; throw Green Day in my face! This is the best 30 minutes of 2004!
Honorable Mention – Sahara Hot Nights: Kiss and Tell. Yep, more Swedish punk, but with chicks!

Hard Rock
Best CD of the Year – Velvet Revolver: Contraband. This thing gets better and better every time I hear it!
Honorable Mention – Courtney Love: America’s Sweetheart. I can’t get it out of my CD player in my car!

Heavy Metal
Best CD of the Year – Megadeth: The System Has Failed. What did you expect from me? The guy came back from the dumbest freak accident in history and rehabbed his arm so he could play again – still at the highest level.

Somewhat Alternative
Best CD of the Year – PJ Harvey: Uh Huh Her. Oh, how I love PJ – she’s such a great freaky weird woman!
Best Flamboyantly Gay CD of the Year – Franz Ferdinand. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
A Slight Disappointment – Jimmy Eat World: From a Basement on the Hill. Maybe I was expecting too much?

Best CD of the Year – Kaki King: Legs to Make Us Longer. You really must hear this – this is one fantastic CD.
Close Second – Bjork: Medulla. All vocals, with her voice, means awesome!


Best Movie of the Year – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Absolutely fantastic movie, intriguing from start to finish and should have been nominated for best director!
Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – In Good Company. Good cast that held it together.

Best Movie of the Year – Sideways: One beautiful and fun film – NOT a chick flick (how did that rumor get started?).
Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – Saved, Mean Girls, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Meet the Fockers: Both my wife and I really enjoyed the first three, and I think she’d like Fockers as well!
Worst Movie of the Year – Dodgeball. This was OK, but you really need to be in the dumb comedy mood – rivals Baseketball.

Romantic Comedy
Best Movie of the Year – Along Came Polly. For the Phillip Seymour Hoffman appearance.
Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – 50 First Dates. Kinda cute…
Worst Movie of the Year – The Girl Next Door. Even Elisha couldn’t save this film!

Best Movie of the Year – Spiderman 2. Just a fun time at the movies here!
Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – The Village & Collateral. My wife loved the Village, and I really liked Collateral.
Worst Movie of the Year – National Treasure & Open Water. Both were extremely disappointing to me!

Best Movie of the Year – The Grudge. A pleasantly freaky movie!
Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – Saw & Shaun of the Dead. Both are really good! Shaun borders on comedy, but it’s kinda yucky too!
Worst Movie of the Year – Seed of Chucky. Why, God, WHY?

Best Movie of the Year – The Incredibles. Yes it was!
Other Great Movies You Shouldn’t Miss – Shrek 2. Very fun.
Worst Movie of the Year – Fat Albert. OK, so it wasn’t animated, but can anyone tell me why it was made?

Best Movie of the Year That Nobody Really Liked But Me – Anchorman. It really was pretty funny…
Best Special Effects Movie of the Year – Spiderman 2. The train scene + the car coming through the diner = amazing!
Best Stupid Movie – Napoleon Dynamite. Inane dumb humor that is funny and weird…
Worst Idea For a Movie – You Got Served. Honestly, one of the worst movies ever!
Most Inspirational Film – Miracle. They did a great job of recreating the biggest sports upset ever!
Most Disgusting Film That Wasn’t Really Trying To Be – Super Size Me. Made Purdy blow chunks and will make you never want fast food again!
Oddest Documentary – Some Kind of Monster. Watch Metallica fall apart and then come back together to put out their best CD since Ride the Lightning!

Acting and Stuff
Best Actor – Paul Giamatti (Sideways). Again, he was fantastic!
Best Supporting Actor – Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Along Came Polly). You gotta love new terms for disgusting accidents.
Best Actress – Bryce Dallas Howard (The Village). I’ll admit that I didn’t see many films this year with strong female leads, but she was pretty darned good in this film.
Best Supporting Actress – Cate Blanchett (The Life Aquatic). Great deadpan!
Most Annoying Character – Hellboy. I can’t even look at that guy!
Best Director – Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine). Absolutely amazing film – honestly!


Bill Purdy said...

I have to chime in (did you expect anything less?) on The Village. I'm not going to pan it mercilessly (though a lot of people I know have made no secret of their loathing of it), which is what I am usually inclined to do. But what I have to say about it isn't exactly complimentary, either.

In a nutshell:

I figured this movie out 10 minutes into it. All of it. No loose ends. And it turned out I was right.

Keep in mind -- I play a smart guy on TV, but I am a complete idiot when it comes to movies. I never figure movies out. Never. Scoobie Doo had me scratching my head to the end (maybe for reasons besides plot, but that's another thing altogether). And I deliberately avoided reading articles about The Village, in hopes that I would once again be thrown for a loop.

The thing is, my mind doesn't work like Hollywood screenwriters, which is why I am so often giddy when a really good, twisty plot reveals itself (and which is why I'll never write a successful screenplay, thus forever dashing my dreams of Hollywood glory). A plot like, say, Shyamalan's masterpiece, The Sixth Sense. Or even his oft-criticized but much-loved by me follow-up, Unbreakable (which I enjoyed watching much more than I enjoyed watching The Sixth Sense).

(On the other hand, Signs was pretty bad. I mean... what kind of alien creature that's allergic to water invade a planet that's 70% covered with it? I mean... come ON!)

Clearly, the guy's stock-in-trade is twisty films. So how did I feel about The Village, once Shyamalan disarmed himself of his main weapon? Well, darn it, that guy can direct!

Predictable (and, let's face it, kinda dopey) story aside, he coaxes wonderful performances from Opie's kid and River's harelipped little brother. Even Adrian Brody in full Hollywood "watch me play a retard by overemoting" mode, came across as appropriately creepy and tender. Can't say a whole lot good about a sleep-inducing Bill Hurt and a wooden Sigourney Weaver, but that's okay: this one's a showcase for the kids.

It kinda makes me want to see what Shyamalan could do without a crazy plot twist at his disposal. I'm thinking of starting a letter-writing campaign to see if he'll direct an Atom Egoyan script (not that Egoyan does a bad job -- quite the contrary, as The Sweet Hereafter and Exotica clearly show -- I just think his stuff could use a fresh perspective). And Egoyan, who needs to break into the Amercian mainstream (he's the Canadian Kubrick), should direct a Shyamalan script. Straight-up trade: Twisty irony for ironic twistiness. Sounds good to me.

Oh... I also liked Hellboy.

Pat Angello said...

I never figure out films either, but when I went to see Presumed Innocent with Harrison Ford (1990), I had it figured out 20 minutes in. Kinda ruins the movie!

Also, keep in mind, this was a collaborative effort with my wife - she LOVED the Village. And I'll admit that I didn't see it coming. I also think people go into Shyamalan's movies with a chip on their shoulder looking for a clue to figure it out so they can tell everyone they "figured it out in 10 minutes" so we think they are SO smart!

YAY - Purdy is smart, and we're all dumb if we didn't figure it out in 10 minutes. Woohoo!

Uh, that's sarcasm...

Bill Purdy said...

You are SO mean to me!

I told you I NEVER figure out movies. And I also told you I prepared for the movie by NOT reading up on it. Of COURSE I went into it fully aware there was a twist. But it's harder NOT to think about something you know is there than it is to just go ahead and try to figure it out.

Thing is, I really didn't have to try. It just came to me, like a vision.

Or maybe it was given to me, like a dog treat. Think about Signs, for instance (the Shyamalan film prior to The Village): tell me you did not know, as soon as you saw it, that the trophy baseball bat would be used for something other than adorning the wall? I mean, it practically screamed "gonna be used to kill an alien later, when it appears all other options are exhausted!" every time it was on screen.

Which is why it's not appropriate (at least in my case) to describe it as a "chip on my shoulder" about Shyamalan. I think he's a heck of a filmmaker, but as a writer he's not an O. Henry. His creative well just ain't that deep. My "chip" (if you insist on calling it that) is simply that I'd like to see him try something else that showcases his (exceptional) talent without distracting us (well, me) with a dopey story that's too easy (and too tempting, per your comment) to deconstruct.

Look at me! I'm so smart!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Pat Angello - sorry!