Sunday, December 19, 2004

Newsletter, 12/17/04

I hate Martha Stewart. I could care less about her insider trading BS, and her shows, and her getting out of jail in time to plant her stinkin’ bulbs. All I know is this: her Xmas tree lights looked really deco and funky at the store, so I bought them and they are garbage. We're talking 3 times the cost of the average lights, but with the odd looking tree we buy every year (Colorado White Fir - looks like something from Dr. Seuss), I knew they would look cool. SOB’s shorted out in 2 days - TWO DAYS! Not a good thing, Martha. Don't be surprised if she gets cut up in the slammer - not that I know anything in advance...

The big f-up on SNL was the best thing that could have happened to Ashlee Simpson and her “singing” career. Now, anytime she’s going to sing live, it’s like a miracle! The press is everywhere and the AP picks it up to tell the world. This has to be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. The girl has no talent and she’s a mutt - get her out of my magazines, off my TV, and away from my Internet! And take that skanky Paris Hilton with her! God bless South Park for saying what everyone else thinks about her. If you have not seen the Paris Hilton episode, keep an eye out for the rerun. Easily their most demented show to date, and that's sayin sumthin!

Every day I send a list of celebrity birthdays to my wife. Not sure why exactly, it’s just a fun email to get our day started on email. Here’s one of the birthdays listed this week: “Kito Trawick ''Crowd-hyper'' (Ghostown DJs) 27.” Crowd-hyper? Are you serious? The AP misses some big names that have fallen off the face of the Earth every now and then, but to add THIS guy? I didn't know “crowd-hyper” was an actual job description!

Dear Gary Bettman. Aw, who cares anymore! Signed, Former Hockey Fans.

FYI: Christmas Day, Pacers vs. Pistons, round 2. Happy holidays!

Sports talk radio stations in Denver are plain stupid. All the radio shows can talk about is Jake Plummer giving the bird to a fan. Who cares? Can we talk about the NHL labor talks, or the baseball steroid thing (yes, I'm so burnt out on this subject I'd rather talk baseball, God forbid), even something about basketball? If someone calls a radio station and asks them to change the subject and spend their time on a legitimate issue, they get “offended” and hang up on the guy. Thank goodness I have 8 Megadeth CDs in my car (yes, I said 8 as in eight) to ease the pain!

Scott Peterson’s punishment isn't good enough. Here’s what they should do: string him up by his boys and let the family throw darts and bricks at him. Maybe even go at him with a razor blade or two - something that will take a while for him to bleed to death and cause him a ton of pain. Put it on pay-per-view and send all the proceeds to her family. Hell, I'd pay to watch that! Him sitting in solitary for 17 years waiting to get an injection and go to sleep seems a little light to me. And this week some sick-o cut a baby from an 8-month pregnant woman? WHAT? The woman is dead, the baby is hanging on, and the couple that did it are having trouble getting pregnant. OK, my wife and I have been trying to have kids for a while, but I'm joking when I suggest we steal one from the grocery store. An I thought my mind was sick. Apparently, this is some kind of trend! That scares me for society.

Speaking of being scared for society, the grilled cheese sandwich with the blessed mother burnt into the bread was on display in Vegas last week. And people stood in line to see it!

We rented Super Size Me this weekend. This film scared the crap out of me! I will never, ever eat McDonald's or any other fast food again. Do yourself a favor and check it out. It's mildly entertaining, and life changing as far as you deciding what to ingest. My fridge is now loaded with fruit and salad...

On a quick personal note, which I don't plan on adding every week, but my dad has surgery planned this week - please keep him in your thoughts.
Now, have a Merry Christmas and we'll see you next week!

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